Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style
by Mistlan
Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja become parents to two giant fire breathing lizards.
1. Bouncing Baby Lizards

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. All I wanted to do was create a crazy story involving a hyperactive knucklehead, a disgruntled artist, a few wise cracking and not so wise cracking mutation specialists and an egg that belonged to Godzilla's girlfriend. The hatchlings are just a couple of O.C.'s It could be a while till they meet the H.E.A.T team but how fun would it be to have two or three Godzillas running around the Village hidden in the Leaves. I made this take place before the pein battle. This takes place many months after Clarity in Konoha and Clarity's real age is surprisingly in her twenties and Clarity is one of the craziest characters I've ever created. Her business partner, Murray, is quite the simpleton.

* * *

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 1: Bouncing Baby Lizards**

A lot of things have fogged up my brain. I mean here I am, near the Aleutian Islands, freezing my toes off and I don't even have much time to think right now. A few months after I ended up running up and down the ninja continent, which actually spread my reputation far and wide, I ended up being the first civilian ever to get put in a ninja bingo book. Well make that several bingo books if you count the fact that people finally found out about my self-preservation talent dealing with places and people. Sure it wasn't my talent for art but at least they don't call me the (shivers) Harpy Lady who threw a coffee cup at some certain Blondie's head.

In fact, I'm running after that orange clad Blondie right now. Naruto Uzumaki is literally the most energetic dude I've ever had the priveledge of butting heads with. Tsunade suddenly called me up one day and decided to shove him under my wing for eight months of "enrichment" classes.(Personally I think it was to get Naruto off her back, he's always begging for a mission) I know Naruto wasn't a big fan of having to pal around with me while I took photos of jumping whales and lectured him on useless trivia unless I promised him free ramen, all he can eat, and all I could afford. Of course not a noodle in the world would stop him from running away from any ninja's least favorite subjects; Personal Information and Paper work.

"NARUTOOOO!!!!" I yelled unabashed as the people on the cruise ship took pictures of me jumping the boat and literally swimming after the teen full speed ahead, "YOU GET OVER HERE AND FILL OUT YOUR PASS PORT NOW!!!"

"Make me Harpy!" Naruto yelled as he stuck out his tongue and shook his hinny at me. He ran across the water. I steam rolled swimming after him. Sakura, that pink headed titan, jumped the boat and ran after me! Yamato sighed placing his head in his hand; not believing he got stuck with me _again _after the last time I caused chaos in Suna(1).Sai, on the other hand, had on one of his true smiles literally laughing as his own art sensei was swimming around in a comical wild goose chase against his two team mates who already knew the art of walking on water (I don't walk on H2O, I'm a civilian, hence the swimming). It wasn't until I noticed the boat that I stopped swimming and almost howled.

"Hey, Naruto, Sakura; the boat it's getting away!"

Everyone else turned just in time to see the Borealis Cruise Ship(2)going farther and farther away. Some cruise ship! That old rust bucket cost ten times as much as a Disney Cruise Line! Whale watching my foot, the only excitement we got all day was an Alaskan water walk or in my case an Alaskan swim. Water is freezing; my teeth are chattering and Naruto one handedly yanks me up by the hood of my pink parka and onto Sakura's cloaked back.

"I'm j-j-j-just f-f-f-fine you t-t-two," I chattered, "Get-t-t-t- t t. . .to the boat."

"Clarity don't go lecturing to us," Sakura snorted sunlight glaring off her pretty green eyes as she clamped onto me piggy back style, I mentally wailed, I didn't want another piggy back ride of doom! "It was you who went swimming in the Pacific Ocean and it was your bright idea to drag us along on this art trip to see the northern lights Block Head."

"Is my art stuff and coffee okay," I asked earning the duo a sweat drop. Sakura elbowed me hard in the gut and took off! I dug my nails into the nearest thing I could find. Too bad it happened to be above Sakura's midsection. She threw me over her shoulder as soon as she felt my nails dig into her breast I-I mean chest.

"THAT HURTS!" She screamed and in her berserker rage flung me into the nearest mountainside; skipping me like a stone.

SPLISH-SPLISH-SPLISH

KERSMASH

FWOK

I groaned and slid down the side of that rock wall with a thud. Salt encrust the waist length black hair I kept in a braid. My raw sienna eyes barely squinted open. A familiar sound assailed my ears. I'd know that high pitched hissing sound anywhere; it was chakra! Not just any Chakra though, it was a signature of a single person that shouldn't even be _near _the Aleutians.

"Clarity, are you alright?" Naruto yelled, running off into my general flying direction, of course, he didn't have to ask such an obvious question though and no, that Chakra flare wasn't coming from him.

"Yeah I'm alright!" I called back, wincing as I grabbed my aching head. I could still sense that chakra thanks to this tag I had around my neck for a few months now but thanks to a certain promise and a stupid bet, I had to be careful with what I sensed unless I wanted people suddenly put in harm's way the last time that two way contract around my neck got activated. Believe me, it wasn't pretty.

"I mean c'mon I'm not called durable for nothing!" I laughed, with a wide grin to hide the shiver down my spine.

"You're also not called crazy for nothing either," Naruto teased, a glint catching in his cerulean eyes. I barreled over catching him into a playful head lock. Naruto tripped me up with his foot before we fell down the rest of the way. Geez, I was already feeling anatomy in places I hadn't felt before. Sakura, even after her little hissy fit just sauntered on into the clearing as if she hadn't a care in the world.

"Clarity, Naruto," Sakura called rolling her eyes as if she wasn't one of the ones acting so childish a few moments earlier, "We need to contact Sai and Yamato."

"Okay, Okay," I countered taking out my cell phone.

BEEP-BOOOOOOOP

"Are cell phones supposed to make that noise?" Naruto inquired,

"No," I remarked, "and if my geography's right I won't get a better signal here either."

Okay, so I lied, I got perfect bars on this side of the mountain. What was really bothering me was that chakra I sensed. Sure I could ask, hey do you sense another ninja around? I mean, that's what I felt but they'd probably think I was insane. Maybe I was insane? I shoved my hands into my parka and started to text Murray as fast as my numb fingers would let me. I jogged to where I sensed the chakra. What I didn't notice was a set of familiar onyx eyes staring up as I slid off a cliff.

SKRTCHHHH

AHHHHHHHH

THUD

"Ow!" I whined.

"Hey Harpy!" Naruto yelled, "Can you hear me now?"

THUD

CRASH

I threw a rock at Naruto. He dropped like a stone. He landed on a stalagmite . . .

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto screamed enough to blast out my ears. We tumbled even further into a weird crevice. Funny, it felt like we were inside some Komodo Dragon's mouth. Despite my ears ringing, I looked up and oh man what a drop! I don't think I can hear anymore.

"Yes Knucklehead I can hear you just fine," I quipped, I pressed send on my cell phone after I checked the wording while Naruto's eyes were swirling. I mean all I did was tell Murray to get the other three; specifically Captain Yamato, Shikamaru Nara the lazy genius, and Sai who was probably sketching pictures off the poop deck. Shikamaru, by my best guess, would be napping somewhere. That's the only reason he took up this "escort mission" in the first place.

* * *

(**Meanwhile back on the ship)**

DO-DO-DOO-DEE-DO-DA-DO-DO-DO . . . CARAMEL DANSEN

Murray's phone went off in the middle of the ship. A narrow eyed sleepy brunette of a guy suddenly launched forward into a sitting position. He mumbled about something troublesome as he scratched the back of his pony tailed head (that pony tail looks like the top of a pineapple though). Murray was on the other side of the ship cooing at dolphins off the port bow. He left the phone in Shikamaru's care. Shikamaru considered it a drag but he answered anyway.

"Hello this is a drag," Shikamaru droned, "troublesome woman . . . Darn cell phone."

DO-DO-DOO-DEE-DO-DA-DO-DO-DO . . . CARAMEL DANSEN

The phone _still _would not hush up. He checked the screen. It said "Text Message" with a flying envelope on the front. He yawned in wonder if he should answer it or call Murray. Murray was busy and Shikamaru didn't want to bother the guy I guess so he hit the answer button on the bottom screen.

(**Clarity's text message**)

Hey genius, felt chakra 10:00 starboard. Ship left us! Hooray!

Need help. T_T

Toodles,

Clarity

(**end of Clarity's text message**)

Shikamaru decided to reply back. Albeit he had to check the instruction manual before he decided to text. Murray bounded happily into the area just in time to see Shikamaru peruse a book and a cell phone. Yamato was walking back from his little patrol. Actually it was to escape a bunch of old ladies asking him how he could handle such a crazy girlfriend (namely I, Clarity, and we are not a couple END OF STORY thank you). Sai was nearby standing back to admire his latest work. Most of the old ladies asked if he was an albino and he just was so clueless to what they were implying (no offense to anyone; people are always curious about his ivory skin tone) that he opened a new chapter on "Talking to Old Ladies for Dummies" his newest social how to book.

(**Shikamaru's text message**)

Troublesome Woman

You're a drag.

Sincerely

Shika

(**End of Shikamaru's text message**)

Shikamaru, satisfied that phone finally hushed, shoved Murray's cell phone as far down into his back pocket as he would let it. He leaned over to the other side, curled up. He used his own arm as a pillow. Just when he was finally ready to slumber off into dreamland . . .

DO-DO-DOO-DEE-DO-DA-DO-DO-DO . . . CARAMEL DANSEN

"Anoooo," Shikamaru groaned as he answered the cell phone again, "What now?"

(**Naruto's Text Message)**

Shikamaru you balahkfajfjalafj

GET YO'LAZY BULJLJKJ LJK IN GEAR NOW.

LAJFJDFsincerely,

NARUTOAJFJJGA

**(End of Naruto's Text Message)**

**(Meanwhile somewhere in a hole on the Aleutian islands Clarity's P.O.V)**

"Naruto," I growled, "This is really all your fault you know that?"

I was already crawling out of that mouth like hole and onto the strangely scaly crevice floor. Fortunately the message actually went to Murray's cell phone. Unfortunately Shikamaru answered it and told me to go fly a kite! The only other place I could find any signal was on an egg shaped glacier. Those of you snickering as you're reading this, yes; I know I am in trouble. Naruto just took my cell phone!

"Give it back," I yelled, unabashed that we were the only two down here. I struggled for my phone. Naruto put a boot to my face and was already punching buttons like crazy! Drat that Murray teaching Naruto how to text on a cell phone. Last time he sent a photo to Tsunade that was of an illustration for one of Jiraiya's newest Icha Icha books and that was straight from _my_sketchbook. Tsunade proceeded to run after Kakashi who grabbed the phone while the heavy metal song "Riot" could be heard all over the village of Konoha.

"Give me back that phone," I childishly wailed, "It's mine!"

"Well you were the one who jumped into the pacific." Naruto sneered.

"You were the one who ran away first!" I snarled.

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Am I interrupting anything," A familiar raven haired young man asked.

"Shut up Poultry-face!" We yelled before turning in unison to answer, "Oh my goodness! Sasuke it's you!"

Sasuke**(3) **stood alone on a dome topped foot hill. Oh yeah, some foothill, the thing looked about four or five times bigger than he was with moss green stalagmites to boot. His hand rested calmly on a sword at his belt. Still, at least he dressed for the warm weather. Just a simple wool cloak over an uchiha style yukata, but still something plagued my mind. Naruto took the words right out of my mouth.

"What the heck are you doing here?" Naruto fumed.

"Better yet," I wondered, "why are you near Alaska?! AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AN ENTIRE CONTINENT AWAY?"

"I'm not here to give you answers," Sasuke scoffed, "I'm just here for power."

Something about that wave of chakra I heard _so_did not sound right. Naruto had to have felt it too I mean, he's the ninja. I'm just the artistic coffee drinker. While Naruto and Sasuke suddenly duked it out. I stood, transfixed by the scaly walls around me. The whole thing looked like it used to be alive. I didn't get how alive until I turned around to see my reflection in a giant lifeless turtle eye. What bugged me the most was the sight I saw reflected in the turtle eye when Sasuke was suddenly sucking in air. His chest inflated like a balloon, thrice as big as what a chest should normally be hidden beneath a cloak. Oh crud!

"**Fire Style," **Sasuke rumbled **"Phoenix Flower Jutsu!"**

BWOOOSSHHH

"Gyeeee," I choked feeling a tug at my hood. Naruto grabbed me by my parka hood, again. The explosion hit. Flames were roasting up the crevice walls turning them into a magma mush. Naruto threw me up against the glacier. He roundhouse kicked Sasuke in the back. Wait, was that boiled eggs I smelled?

Actually that boiled egg smell was coming from the glacier! I could just hear that high pitched hissing noise. Worse yet, I could see the effects. Waves of crystal clear chakra came flowing to the thing. Sasuke's flame was suddenly went from a roar to a trickle. Naruto looked like he was standing on his last set of legs which was weird for him. His stamina is usually enormous!

No chance left untaken and no regrets, that's my mantra. Yes I'm nuts but I don't leave well enough alone either. I was busy grabbing my DSLR camera and taking pictures. Sasuke looked like a wreck. His cloak blew off his off. Top part of his outfit burned up and he literally had fire blowing out of some disgusting fleshy blowpipes swiveling out his back. If I wasn't behind a camera I'd be mortified, heartbroken, and furious. Sasuke promised, _he promised me _he wouldn't let his body get abused for power again. Yet here I am snapping shots of definite genetic mutation where he's turned his lungs into balloons and his whole body into a flesh riddled furnace. Naruto was stunned, I was behind an egg shaped glacier snapping pictures and Sasuke? Well he was having the time of his twisted life.

"HAH ha-ha-ha-ha-haaah," Sasuke maniacally laughed, "You think you can drag me back to Konoha now Naruto? Well look at me now. How could a couple orphans ever bring me back when I'm like this?! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaah!"

Another lesson I learned from years of running for my life is if one senses doom in the air; RUN FASTER! I grabbed Naruto before Sasuke inflated again. He yelled his battle cry. The flames hit and Naruto was biting back a heart wrenching scream! I'd have probably noticed sooner before going behind that glacier. Except . . . A huge pain exploded down the middle of my back! I've kept it secret so far that I've had a whole rainbow of demon chakras aiding my health in the bad way whenever it's accessed.

Problem is the glacier was accessing everything! I could hear Naruto's helpless screams as waves of demonic red Kyuubi**(4)**chakra is getting sucked out of his stomach in waves. I could feel the old wounds on my back reopening. What was I to this thing . . . Lunch? It was like giant claws was ripping me apart! Sasuke, meanwhile, sounded too nuts to care.

"What can you do to me now?" Sasuke crowed, "What can you do to-"

CRACK CRACK

KRISH

"ROAR," came two simultaneous growls inside the glacier. It exploded catching Sasuke in a blast of pretty glowy colors. Gee-whiz, I'd only seen blasts like that in the monster movies! Man my head was killing me, I couldn't move and I just got yellow slimy goo . . . Down . . . My . . . Back . . . Ewwwww!

"Hey . . . Naruto," I wheezed, "Do . . . you know . . . Vmf uf . . . what the what just happened?"

"mmm-mmmm," Naruto could barely whimper, out of the corner of my eye I could see his face flicker in a combo of fear, desire to cry, and consternation. A couple shadows came above us easily blotting out the sun. Funny, the one above me had the same gold eyes as Utakata**(5)**, a friend of mine, when he draws on his own inner demon. The other had the same eyes as that old Fuzz-Fart, Kyuubi, the Nine Tailed Fox. Golden eyes traded glances with cat slit cadmium red eyes as they grumbled in a gutteral not unlike human whispers. If they're smart enough to do that than they'd be smart enough to hear me out.

"Um excuse me, Gomen nasai**(6)**?" I thought, my brain whirled for the right words but my mouth answered for me, "Us . . . Need help?"

"Otoochan, Otoochan**(7)**" The golden eyed shadow spoke as if tasting the ability to speak for the first time. It gently shook Naruto's shoulder, "Papa, Papa?"

"He's fine . . . Just exhausted," I toned. The red eyed one sniffed Naruto's hair before casually licking his cheek with a long slithery tongue you'd expect to find on a komodo dragon.

The gold eyed one gave me a worried look whining, "Okaasan?"

"Okaasan is exhausted too," I chided before my world went black. Then common sense hit me like a ton of bricks! Did that thing just call us parents?!

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)Suna**- The Village Hidden in the Sand; Sunagakure; the place where Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari call home. It's located in a desert area known as the Land of Wind (sand dunes, desert, sand storms . . . That's the idea). During the time Clarity was there, she had a role in accidentally summoning the demon Shukaku (Gaara was ready to kill her but then again who isn't ready to kill her?) and Clarity got herself to become prisoner in one of Orochimaru's many hideouts that happened to be near Suna. She even got Orochimaru to wail on his right hand man Kabuto (to this day they've had her on the-need-to-strangle list right up there with the Akatsuki and so forth).

**(2)Borealis Cruise Ship**-I decided for it to be amusing that our heroes (heroines included) got left behind by the same ship that Audrey and Nick went on in Godzilla: The Series during the episode called "End of the Line" where Godzilla actually dated a four legged female version of himself. ^_~

**(3)Sasuke Uchiha-**Yes the famed (or was that infamous) defected Ninja makes his appearance. Kudos to all those who figure out what happened to him before Naruto and Clarity finally met once again (remember alternate universe yet in this time line Orochimaru's alive and slitherin')

**(4)Kyuubi- **The Nine Tailed Fox. Clarity's favorite nickname for him is Fuzz-Fart since well, he's old and furry!:D

**(5)Utakata- **Jinchuuriki, or demon container, of the six tailed slug. He's from Naruto Shippuden. He and Clarity went rounds the day they first met. In fact, he even asked her if she had a disease. He's not a character in this fanfic but his eyes when he accesses the six tailed slug's chakra turn this cool shade of golden yellow at one time in the anime. I decided hey that ought to be one of the twin's eye color since they have demon chakra running through their system.

**(6)gomen nasai- **Clarity is telling two fire breathing lizards "I'm sorry" in Japanese.

**(7)otoochan- **basically papa. I don't know how any of the other Godzilla: the Series fans or Naruto fans will like or love this but to make sure I could tell the twins apart in my head, I decided, "Hey let's make one of them talk." Imagine people's reactions to a lizard speaking Japanese. I don't know where this little one found the words. I guess the demon chakra is affecting them or something.


	2. Unready Parents

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

* * *

**(What happened so far)**

"_Um excuse me, Gomen nasai?" I thought, my brain whirled for the right words but my mouth answered for me, "Us . . . Need help?"_

"_Otoochan, Otoochan__**,**__" The golden eyed shadow spoke as if tasting the ability to speak for the first time. It gently shook Naruto's shoulder, "Papa, Papa?"_

"_He's fine . . . Just exhausted," I toned. The red eyed one sniffed Naruto's hair before casually licking his cheek with a long slithery tongue you'd expect to find on a komodo dragon._

_The gold eyed one gave me a worried look whining, "Okaasan?"_

"_Okaasan is exhausted too," I chided before my world went black. Then common_ _sense hit me like a ton of bricks! Did that thing just call us parents?!_

**(Now on with the show)**

* * *

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 2: Unready Parents**

The light; it beckoned, but I would not give in! I couldn't give in and that was final. I mean if that light was the light at the end of the tunnel that led poor mortal souls down the River Styx**(1)**.I was going to go down fighting. In fact I think that was what I thought I was doing but instead of strangling a shinigami**(2)**, I was strangling Sakura who held a Flashlight.

GONG

"YOU BAKA!**(3)**" Sakura roared her fist grated into my skull as she brought all her weight into that 'weak' punch; what, blunt force trauma much? "You're not. Supposed. To. Move dane it! What do you want to do kill your nerve endings and everything else with it?! You know you'd die if you kill your chakra coils Clarity. Tsunade-shishou**(4)** even gave you a doctor's notice in her handwriting for you to remember that."

Okay what do I tell Sakura, the medical ninja? Do I tell her, hey guess what both the demon chakra in my system and the Kyuubi chakra in Naruto's system just got sucked out by a glacier that turned out to be a giant egg. We fought a mutated Sasuke and then got rescued by giant hatchlings, who adopted us as their parents! Yeah Tsunade**(5)** just taught Sakura how to disembowel people with her bare hands. I'm not going to tell her I became the mother to a couple of bouncing baby lizards. Still curiosity got the better of me.

"Hey Sakura," I choked, "How would Naruto react if he learned he was a father?"

Sakura looked and looked at me. Then she burst out rolling and laughing. Naruto was laying right beside me with this scrunched up look on his face, sign of extreme confusion. He looked like he was pondering the universe. I guess it didn't hit him yet he got imprinted upon by another.

Naruto was about to ask something but Sakura cut in first with this long interlude of patting me down, sending a glowing hand of chakra up and down as she chattered, "You know Clarity, it took quite a while to find you two." She pointed at Naruto with her free hand as she continued to explain to us both. "I waited for Yamato, Shikamaru, Murray and Sai to get to the beach before we started to look for you two. This beautiful red and multicolored blast of light suddenly lit up the sky and when we went to the source. We saw you two getting dragged off by giant lizards. Don't worry we chased them-"

"HEY THOSE LIZARDS WERE JUST BORN AND YOU USED VIOLENCE?" I snapped, bad move I kicked Sakura in the region no foot should go as I threw a hissy fit, "THEY SHOULD'VE NAMED YOU DR. PEIN!"

An awkward silence enveloped us both. Sakura, used to outlandish emotional displays coming out of Naruto instead of me, grabbed what looked like a handful of giant malt balls with one hand. The other hand was propping me up. She jiggled her hand aiming for my face.

"Shut up and eat a food pill." She snapped shoving the load down my throat.

GAWK

AWK

GULP GULP

Yuck, it tasted more like a big gulp of _nasty_! Sai was right, those food pills**(6)** really did taste like mud but they did their job. Much needed energy rushed through me enough for me to grab my coffee thermos, rip it open, and poured big mouthfuls of coffee down my throat to wash out the taste of Malted Mud Balls. Even though food pills take a good degree of medical prowess to make them effective (Sakura has medical prowess running out her ears). It also takes a good degree of cooking sense to make them taste edible. Sakura fails in the taste department that she tries to make something so healthy that it tastes worse than Ramen mixed with strawberry ice cream and anchovies. I call it healthy poisoning and I won't touch Sakura's home cooking with a ten foot pole.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------(**Aleutian Coastline: Third Person Point of View**)

Shikamaru stretched and walked lazily along the shore with his hands in his pockets. In his mind he was on a sunny beach down near that one place called Cuba watching the clouds fly away. Yet every time he tried to find that happy place in his head his mind would wonder back to that giant beam of light that parted the sky. He wanted to find out what was going on as everyone else too. Yet Sai already had a bunch of his little cartoon rats scampering all over the island. Why waste energy when you can use it to think, was all he was thinking of right now when something big . . . Very big came thundering his way on unsteady feet.

CRUNCH

CRUNCH

Panicking Shikamaru hid behind a cliff formation and waited. The bumbling big thing stepped closer, closer, than jumped. Shikamaru cocked an eyebrow. He looked around one corner. A humongous lizard head with glowing red eyes peeped around the other corner sniffing whatever delicious smells came from the backside of his pants. Shikamaru spotted a wagging brown tail that looked like it belonged to a man sized T-Rex. He followed the tail. The lizard followed his pants, they went round and round and round the rock till Shikamaru turned and went face to face with the scariest sight of his life!

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh," Shikamaru screamed

"Grawwwwwwwwwr," The red-eyed lizard warbled claws flung up in fear.

"Ahhhhh"

"Grawr"

"Ah . . ."

"Grawr"

". . ." Shikamaru stood silently dumbfounded.

"GRAWWWWWWWR," sobbed the lizard as it up and ran away.

Shikamaru was trying to reach for Murray's Cell Phone when he paused and found a hole. The lizard ripped his pants! Cursing inwardly, he stomped up the cliff side to where his team mates were trying to restrain a hyper orange clad guy from killing a disgruntled young woman in a pink parka.

Shikamaru sighed, "This is becoming one troublesome mission."

* * *

(**Earlier Back at Camp; Clarity's Point of View**)

Ever had to deal with a wound up hyperactive teen? Well this was the first time I've had to deal with one hyped up on food pills and coffee. Sakura shoved the same food pills down his throat as the ones I just had to swallow (they're huge). Gagging, Naruto went ballistic looking for something to wash the taste out of his mouth. I hand Naruto a random thermos. He drained the contents.

"Blech," Naruto cringed, "What kind of tea is that?"

"Uh Naruto let me see that container." I murmured motioning him to throw the thing my way, I looked for my name and there it was in bright bold letters, "Naruto you just . . . Ah screw it."

Naruto fidgeted and hummed as he tapped his foot and stared around wide eyed ready to spring. I explained the edited version (kept the egg out of the conversation for now) about our fight with Sasuke to captain Yamato. Sakura threatened Naruto to hush with a clenched fist and lots of yelling. Sai was uncharacteristically quiet for a spell.

"Th-that's the honest truth." I stammered still not being able to keep a poker face (darn nervousness).

"Are you sure?" Yamato asked, smirking about me being in the hot seat for once.

"You're lying," Sai beamed with his fake little grin of a 'mirth mask', "Even I can tell!"

"But I'm not lying," I blabbed flailing, "I just didn't want to tell you there's giant baby lizards on the island that just imprinted on Naruto and I as their parents . . . Uh-oh . . ."

They simultaneously face faulted. Sai looked up quizzically from his sketch of me running for the hills. Silence filled the scene for a time. Yamato scratched the back of his head until a devious grin spread across his face. Don't ask me how I know this but by hanging around a bunch of stealthy assassins, I could only guess the gestures before Yamato said the three words I haven't heard in forever.

"Naruto," Yamato barked, "Get her!"

ZOOM

Naruto, in a blaze of orange, bounded down the mountain at quadruple his normal speed! Geez, that food pill and coffee hype must've been an overdose of energy. Panicking, I chucked a snow ball in his face. It didn't phase him! A snow flurry followed in his wake. Oh sure, I had the head start but a hyped up Naruto was gaining fast!

Note to self: Never _ever _give Naruto food pills washed down with extra strong _coffee. _

Shikamaru, meanwhile, was moseying up hill. He quickly turned sideways. No way did he want anyone to see his Mothra boxers. He already had a big enough hole in his pants. I didn't notice much. I was too busy fleeing the scene.

"Oh-hey-Shikamaru-nice-boxers-got-to-jet-bye-bye," I chattered running for my life. Naruto hot on my heels. Shikamaru opened his mouth to say something but got buried in a snow drift. He looked like a skinny snow man with pineapple hair.

I scrambled up the mountain; knees ached, ribs on fire, and my throat felt like a desert chasm. I wheezed, coughed, turned around to face Naruto only to be tackled standing up.

"Gotcha!" He cheered for a brief moment we floated in midair. I felt around beneath me but my hand only caught air. I glanced, squeezed my eyes shut hoping to never see that hundred meter drop.

"Uh Naruto," I wheezed, "Don't look down."

"Why?" Naruto asked, he looked down; too late; drop started.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THUD

FWOK

SMASH

CRASH

WA-BAM

We fell through the branches of a pine tree and hit the springy mossy earth with a thud! Oh sure, it wasn't unusual to see pine trees in Alaska. I remembered lecturing Naruto one time about Siberian fur hunters competing with the local Aleuts over spots like this in the 17-1800's. What got me though was the smell. I'm no super nose, but I could already tell from experience in my travels what that smell was.

"Did someone leave rotten eggs around?" Naruto asked with a curious sniff.

"Here's a hint," I remarked, "What's one of Jiraiya's**(7)** favorite peeping places?"

"Oh yeah the hot springs!" Naruto beamed than furrowed, "and this makes sense why?"

"Oh come on!" I stated, "Spring water is pretty much fresh water unless you want to drink straight from the Pacific Ocean and die."

Naruto grumbled some smart remark but a roar rumbled. He froze up, stiffened, eyes darted and whirled around at a twig snapping. I never saw Naruto this tense in my life! His shoulder raised; kunai in hand. I had to grab his wrist before he threw it between those golden eyes.

Owner of said eyes stepped from the shadows on a pair of long lean legs. Her slender, almost angular, head cocked itself slightly at this orange clad creature or at least I think that's how she felt. I don't know what went through that gold eyed lizard's mind. All I knew was she just stood there and stared that black panther stare, it was _unnerving_. She reminded me of someone familiar but who? A pair of eager red eyes glowed with life in the shadows, his tail thumping wildly against the trees.

"Cool your fires Naruto," I whispered under my breath in the same soothing tone I used on whiny kids and their angry moms, "Remember when I blabbed about the giant baby lizards?"

Naruto looked confused as the two giant bipedal lizards just went back into the shadows. They whispered in hushed gutturals. Naruto, deciding to have a lunch break, plopped on a log and concentrated Chakra into his hand to warm up a steamy cup of instant Chili Fish Ramen he fished from his bag. I don't know how he could eat at a time like this but when I saw the twins eye that food the way a cat eyes sushi. I guessed they hadn't eaten since well, ever.

"Hey Naruto can I borrow one of your cups of ramen?" I asked, Naruto sighed and reluctantly handed the cup to me before starting on another one. I opened it, took a bite, it wasn't half bad, and waved for the twins to come out. They wouldn't budge! I didn't need to get down eye level with the babies. They were eye level with me.

I held my arms out wide as if to receive a hug and crooned, "C'mere you two."

The red eyed one backed away at first until the gold eyed one growled free food. The red eyed one burst from the bushes in a gallop! Looking at him now he looked all arms, legs and humongous head with a scrawny chest. I'm certain once he grew into that head he'd be a colossal giant! His scales sparkled like a bronze cast in the mid-day sun. His sister, however, was a lot more cautious. I know lots of mutations aren't supposed to be pretty but she had potential to be an absolute beauty! Right now she was all arms, legs, and narrow komodo dragon head with a scraggy chest. We were traipsing on their four legged biological mama now that I think about it. Boy, they're going to be big.

The gold eyed one eyed me curiously, gave me a cautious sniff and kissed me with a forked tongue. I handed her a noodle. Her eyes brightened as she gobbled down the delicious treat. Her brother on the other hand was hiding behind the log giving Naruto baleful puppy eyes. Naruto was busy slurping up noodles with some chopsticks before he could feel the stare.

"Awww what is it wittle guy?" Naruto crooned which struck me, when did Naruto ever use baby talk? "You want wamen too?"

"RARR," answered the lizard with a sudden lunge he hoisted the cup and unceremoniously dropped the contents in his mouth. Naruto fell off the log in fright. Broth dribbled down the red eyed one's nose.

"What the-" Naruto vehemently swore as he landed backwards. The brown lizard threw the cup aside and landed opposite Naruto's head. He smothered him with wet slobbery dog style kisses. He curled up behind Naruto's back and wrapped his tail around his 'father'.

"Otoochan?" The gold eyed one chirruped, "Papa is that you?"

"NANI?!" Naruto shouted, eye's wide and white as he looked back at one lizard then the other.

"Like I said before," I announced now that it finally sunk into Naruto's thick skull, "Congratulations you're now the father of a couple bouncing baby lizards."

"Okaasan," She chirruped again, "Why's Otoochan weird?"

"He was K.O.'ed when you took him out of that crevice remember?" I asked, which the gold eyed one gave a knowing nod. Jeez these two are like what twenty four hours old how smart could giant lizards get? Boy if Naruto wasn't freaked out before he sure was freaked out now.

* * *

**(Meanwhile back in camp)**

Shikamaru was exhausted. A giant red-eyed lizard ripped a huge gaping hole in his pants. He could feel the wintry breeze between his knees. He had snow in all the wrong places thanks to Naruto chasing Clarity down a snowy mountainside and Naruto burying Shikamaru in his energy crazed wake. Now he had to not only dig himself out which was too much wooooork. He now had to hoof it up to a campsite which was a Mokuton style one room house in the middle of nowhere. Yamato beamed at him, happy to see him alive till he passed Yamato and landed head first into the bed roll.

"This is such a drag," he whined, "Will the troublesome nightmare ever stop?"

"What's gotten into you?" Yamato asked till he noticed the gaping hole where Shikamaru's back pocket used to be.

Murray noticed the hole in his pants too and asked, "Hey is that Mothra flying out your pants? Cool! Cause I have the blue and green Godzilla boxer set in my bag!"

"Unnnn be quiet you guys," Shikamaru groaned, he wanted to sleep and Murray picked now of all times to . . . Not . . . Shush . . . Up!

"C'mon what'd you find out? Did you find out any cool ninja stuff? Huh? Didja didja didja?" Murray beamed, "Where'd that hole come from? Why're you covered in slush. Oh HEY SAI GEUSS WHAT? SHIKAMARU HAS MOTHRA FLYING OUT HIS PANTS!"

Sai perked at the mention of his name and peeped in to see what was going on. He'd been drawing for so long that he forgot what time it was when Murray called. Yamato was chocking back a fit of the giggles. Yes he was a shinobi but sometimes he found this group's antics just too funny. Sakura had the politeness to laugh to herself but her inner Sakura was rolling and howling with laughter. Shikamaru hid his tomato red face in shame. I mean all this fuss over some troublesome underpants what next?

"Report Shikamaru," Yamato smirked, fighting back the urge to laugh.

Shikamaru didn't know what to say. He could just lie than he could go back to sleep, but then guilt would set in. He toyed with the idea of ignoring everyone but Murray kept poking his head. Even that's hard to ignore. He sighed and turned to face the group. He could only tell the truth.

"I was patrolling the Coastline to see if there was a way to signal the S.S. Borealis, which is a drag," Shikamaru sighed, sure they could've asked Sai to fly all the way back but Sai didn't have the chakra for it and it would've been a waste of energy, good thing everything was a wild trip with Naruto always putting his I.Q. to the test, "I stopped when I heard strange foot prints and hid, so did whatever was following me. I looked to find a giant brown lizard tail and followed the lizard which come to find out it was following me! Biggest scare of my life, I screamed, He, she, I think it was He that screamed, I stopped screaming. The lizard began to cry and ran away. It was only after word I discovered the hole in my pants and I'm sorry Murray the lizard took your cell phone."

"Ah nuts," Murray pouted before brightening, "But you got to admit, that lizard must be pretty cool."

"Yeah," Shikamaru admitted, "He's pretty cool."

Sai tried to be nice and not embarrass Shikamaru any further but his plan backfired as he stated, "Can I sketch your underpants?"

"You definitely are not a social person are you?" Shikamaru inquired giving Sai a death glare.

Everyone looked at that hapless artist like he lost his marbles. A passing hawk keened in the background since there were no crickets to chirp and fill in the awkward silence. Sai squirmed; unused to the feeling of being in the hot seat. He thumbed through his communication book. Murray gave him a blank stare with his bright teal eyes. Sai decided enough was enough and switched the subject to something he did know; the mission.

"Actually," Sai stated with a gulp, "I think I know I might know where the lizards are hiding. While Shikamaru was trudging back to camp, Clarity dropped her cell phone."

"I get where you're going," Shikamaru stated since they had one cell phone and the lizards had the other, "Murray do you know Clarity's cell phone number?"

"Know it?" Murray scoffed, "You just hit speed dial, she's the only one on line 2. Hey if we find the lizard with my cell phone could he autograph my extra set of Godzilla boxers. I think I'll hang'em up next to my Ponyo**(8)** plushy in my room."

* * *

**(Back near the hot springs: Clarity's point of view & Naruto just fainted from shock hours ago)**

DO-DO-DOO-DEE-DO-DA-DO-DO-DO . . . CARAMEL DANSEN

Murray's cell phone went off right next to one of the lizards. The red eyed one that curled up around Naruto just reached out to grab it and got sliced by a flying kunai.

"So," Shikamaru drawled, "Are those the lizards?"

"_Baby_ lizards," I implied, placing my hand up before the gold eyed one beside me before a fight broke out, "They don't know any better, and . . . Wait is that Mothra flying out your pants?"

"GAAAAAARRRR," She roared, leaping past Shikamaru into the brush.

"Let me go!" Sakura yelled, her black gloved hands pinned beneath the fore claws, her ankles pinned between long black toes. Okay I know it's not supposed to funny but to see the strongest girl I've ever met get whooped by a baby lizard was stinking hilarious. I was laughing my head off.

"**Mokuton no Jutsu" **Yamato called as he hit his palm to the ground. Wooden slats emerged from the ground and wrapped around Sakura's attacker.

"Let . . . Me go!" the gold eyed one snapped, "Let me go!"

Naruto still didn't know what to do. First, long story short, he just woke up from the biggest caffeine induced headache in history. I heard a slight moan and whipped around to see the red eyed one just helping Naruto up before crawling off to nurse a hurt hand. I sighed, Shikamaru sighed and Sakura was cussing out her big gold eyed baby attacker. That lizard sobbed and let out a pathetic whine.

"Alright alright that's enough!" Yamato shouted in a voice commanding everyone else to shush; the gold eyed one chewed her way out of the slats by now, "Now can anybody make sense of what's been going on so far?"

"Oh I know I know," Murray beamed, "Naruto and Clarity taught the babies a new trick!"

Yamato face palmed and Sakura looked at him like he was nuts. Sai had out a digital camera and was taking pictures. When did Murray and Sai show up anyway?

"Well there is _one _trick," Naruto pondered aloud before asking, "Ne Clarity, could you pass me your Ramen." There wasn't much left, the lizard got the lions share so I handed it over without complaint.

"C'mon you two," He yelled, "Who wants Ramen?"

Naruto shook the half empty cup causing the lizards to stir. Eyes shined upon the prize. Naruto grinned a foxy grin. The lizards lunged. He ducked and rolled. The only thing we saw was a blur of black and brown.

* * *

(**Meanwhile where the Ramen cup was landing Third Person Point of View**)

Sasuke, trudged warily forward to a source of heat, any heat. He hated the Alaskan cold. He hated being dumped out into the wilderness all to find some stupid DNA for his Snaky Sensei's insane new pet projects. Kabuto**(9)**, always the first to jump, volunteered to put his medical expertise to good use. Leaving Sasuke to do the one thing he hated the most, putting his life's work aside for later.

(**Flashback brought to you in Emo Vision**)

"_You're not training me until I do more of your lousy footwork?" Sasuke remembered snarling at his sensei, Orochimaru, who just warmly chuckled at his future body's rarely riled temper. "Why do I have to help you? What's in it for me if I can't have any more of your power to defeat my brother?"_

"_Oh you can be so power-hungry," Orochimaru__**(10)**__ crooned, "I was just wondering if you'd be interested in a new kind of training. Sure it involves pain, screaming, and crying your head off but I wonder have you ever watched the television news about Mutations."_

'_What news,' He thought to himself, 'What television? We can't even stay in one place long enough to even afford cable.'_

(**Flashback end**)

He shook his head with a small chuckle at himself saying, "That Clarity woman is rubbing off on me a little too well. It's no wonder the Dobe**(11)** takes such a brotherly shine to that harpy."

He slumped a moment to check his wounds, 2nd and 3rd degree burns every where he turned his pale body; check. Face still intact; check. His new mutated body parts burnt; check. The wonderful surge of absolute power; priceless.

"Oh I know I know," A childish voice loudly beamed causing Sasuke to freeze with a familiar sense of dread, "Naruto and Clarity taught the babies a new trick!"

'Babies?' Sasuke wondered, 'What babies are they talking about?'

He heard Naruto mumble something about asking Clarity for something about Ramen before he heard Naruto clearly say, "C'mon you two who wants Ramen?"

Something bright crimson flew into his field of vision. Sasuke caught it without a second thought. He did wince from the sudden hot flash of pain lacing his crispy fingers. He whirled it around one handed to find it to be a half eaten cup of instant Ramen. His lips moving precariously as he read the label.

"Chile Fish Ramen?" Sasuke chortled, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Unfortunately the blur of ravenous black and brown Ramen obsessed lizards aimed at his raven haired head was not a joke at all.

* * *

(**Back at where the Ramen cup was thrown; Clarity's Point of View)**

ROAAAAAARRRRRRR

GYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

KRACK

SNAP

ROAR

SQUELCH

"Oh no," Naruto and I screeched suddenly remembering someone long forgotten, "SASUKE!"

All of us ran to his rescue but too late. When we reached where Sasuke last stood. The gold eyed lizard stood back suddenly; wide eyed horror engulfing her golden glowing eyes. Her red eyed brother grabbed the cup and drained the contents but when he looked up from the cup to her sister staring at him sitting on someone's face. He keened and ran to Naruto's side burying his face into Naruto's once pristine winter cloak. Myself along with several others fought the urge to hurl as Sai kept snapping photos. I mean, 2nd and 3rd degree burns, lacerations, bruises, broken bones and gnaw marks so did not look good on Sasuke.

"Oh! I see you taught the twins how to beat Sasuke up!" Murray cheered until he realized what he said and frowned, "You know that's not as funny. That don't bend that way right?"

"Mah . . . He looks more troublesome than when he left." Shikamaru lazily droned, hands in his front pockets knowing the gaping hole in the back of his pants was nothing to Sasuke's plight.

"Yuck," I cried finally being able to say something, "This looks worse than when he was taking steroids under Kabuto's care but the whole gene spliced deal is definitely Orochimaru's fault."

"Hey let's get him to Grandma Tsunade," Naruto quipped, "Someone dial 1-800-baachan! Believe it!"

Sakura bravely ran to Sasuke's side. She reached into her Kunai pouch. She pulled out her favorite black gloves. She cracked her knuckles. Round up for the pitch and . . . If Sasuke wasn't in pain before . . .

WA-BAM

. . . Oh boy is he moaning now . . .

"Sasuke you idiot!" Sakura openly sobbed, "You idiot! Idiot! Idiot! WHAT DID THAT SNAKE DO TO MY SASUKE-KUN?!"

She just went from mad to crying to cheery in five minutes flat as she looked up and beamed with a cheery grin saying, "Sasuke looks like hell but I'll make him well!"

Naruto and I respectively cringed. She gets scary around Sasuke. Believe me, the last time Sai said something bad about Sasuke just to test her, she bodily threw him off the Borealis Cruise Ship. Sai flew nearly two hundred feet away. Naruto proceeded to let the poor guy swim for it until I went to knocking skulls together. Good grief, we had to tie extra ropes and bed sheets to a life preserver and Yamato made Sakura throw it Sai's way. Sai had to spend days in sick bay for pneumonia, bruises, and a broken jaw.

Yamato took a deep breath and called everyone's attention.

"Clarity, Sakura, find some way to make a stretcher for Sasuke. He's going to need it. The rest of you, bring our gear back down from the mountain. Something tells me we should set up camp right here."

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) River Styx**- In other words the river that separated the world of the living from the world of the dead. It's actually a Greek Mythology reference. Clarity can be so weird sometimes.

**(2)Shinigami- **A death god; otherwise known as an the oriental version of a grim reaper. I'm some people may've heard of it from Deathnote or Bleach. In Naruto, the fourth hokage offered up his soul to a Shinigami to seal Kyuubi, the nine tailed fox into Naruto when he was a newborn baby.

**(3)baka-**The Japanese word for saying stupid.

**(4)Shishou-**a Japanese suffix that an apprentice might give a master. Sakura was an apprentice of Tsunade's in order to become a medic nin for obivious reasons Jiraiya dubbed her as Tsunade Jr (temper, monster strength).

**(5)Tsunade Senju-**The 5th Hokage or current village leader of Konohagekure (Village Hidden in the Leaves) One of the three Legendary Sannin. She's a medical whiz who's revolutionized what it means to be a Medical Ninja.

**(6) Food Pills- **It's a specially made pill full of proteins and a special stimulant that causes a boost in energy. Basically it's a chakra booster.

**(7)Jiraiya-**Another one of the three Legendary Sannin. He's also a legendary pervert. He's the famous author of the Icha Icha Book Series it's basically as Naruto calls it a pervy book. Kakashi the Copy Ninja loves to read this series and coincidentally so does Clarity but she's one of the few to ever read it and not get a nosebleed. Thus she states "Au Contraire, you do not have to be a pervert to enjoy steamy literature."

**(8)Ponyo Plushie-**Yes most of the DVD's of that magical little fish Ponyo come with a plushy of Ponyo herself when she was a goldfish. Yes Murray is a complete anime nerd, he once broke into Shikamaru's house at four a.m. and watched Sailor Moon with the volume turned up full blast and the whole Nara house hold still slept through Murray making himself at home fixing himself a sandwich.

**(9)Kabuto Yakushi-**Orochimaru's most loyal henchman. He's a medical whiz with an AB blood type personality and a sadistic streak. He's most known for sewing up corpses in the most gruesome ways imaginable. Too bad Clarity and Kabuto are always at odds with each other. Every time Kabuto plays mind games. She gets cheerful and plays 20 question (loves research).

**(10)Orochimaru-**One of the three Legendary Sannin. He defected from Konoha years ago. He's obsessed in forbidden Jutsu. He's the mad scientist of the Naruto Ninja World. He also seeks immortality by switching bodies but the bodies soon reject him like one big body organ so he has to switch to another. In other words, Sasuke is his future body. Clarity hates him for talking about Sasuke like he's a Gucci handbag.

**(11)Dobe- **A Japanese word that's a rude way of calling someone a complete idiot.


	3. New Names Under Lights

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

* * *

**(What happened so far)**

"_Oh! I see you taught the twins how to beat Sasuke up!" Murray cheered until he realized what he said and frowned, "You know that's not as funny. That don't bend that way right?"_

"_Mah . . . He looks more troublesome than when he left." Shikamaru lazily droned, hands in his front pockets knowing the gaping hole in the back of his pants was nothing to Sasuke's plight._

"_Yuck," I cried finally being able to say something, "This looks worse than when he was taking steroids under Kabuto's care but the whole gene spliced deal is definitely Orochimaru's fault."_

"_Hey let's get him to Grandma Tsunade," Naruto quipped, "Someone dial 1-800-baachan! Believe it!"_

_Sakura bravely ran to Sasuke's side. She reached into her Kunai pouch. She pulled out her favorite black gloves. She cracked her knuckles. Round up for the pitch and . . . If Sasuke wasn't in pain before . . . _

_WA-BAM_

_. . . Oh boy is he moaning now . . ._

"_Sasuke you idiot!" Sakura openly sobbed, "You idiot! Idiot! Idiot! WHAT DID THAT SNAKE DO TO MY SASUKE-KUN?!"_

_She just went from mad to crying to cheery in five minutes flat as she looked up and beamed with a cheery grin saying, "Sasuke looks like hell but I'll make him well!"_

_Naruto and I respectively cringed. She gets scary around Sasuke. Believe me, the last time Sai said something bad about Sasuke just to test her, she bodily threw him off the Borealis Cruise Ship. Sai flew nearly two hundred feet away. Naruto proceeded to let the poor guy swim for it until I went to knocking skulls together. Good grief, we had to tie extra ropes and bed sheets to a life preserver and Yamato made Sakura throw it Sai's way. Sai had to spend days in sick bay for pneumonia, bruises, and a broken jaw. _

_Yamato took a deep breath and called everyone's attention._

"_Clarity, Sakura, find some way to make a stretcher for Sasuke. He's going to need it. The rest of you, bring our gear back down from the mountain. Something tells me we should set up camp right here."_

* * *

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 3: New Names Under Lights**

KRAK

GYAAAAAHHHHHH

I cringed, never have I ever heard Sasuke scream like that before. Sakura did suggest an anesthetic, but _no_, Sasuke decided if he was man enough to get mauled by lizards he was man enough to endure anything. Even if that meant Sakura dismembering and reassembling him with her bare hands while I had to pin him down during his screaming. I didn't know which was worse. My heart breaking at the sound of Sasuke in major pain (though he did kind of deserve it), watching in sick fascination as Sakura practically rebuilt Sasuke with the dedication of a sculptor, or be dumbfounded at the fact she was reading "The Scarlet Pimpernel"**(1)** because she was bored about spending time with Sasuke.

I mean she told me about how much she dreamed about being reunited with the man of her dreams ever since he left Konoha. She told me how much she just wanted to wrap her grateful arms around his, in her terms, sexy shoulders and cry into his chest whether he wants it or not. Yet now she was treating this day like she was treating an unruly patient. Kind of takes the romance out of everything; I mean Sakura being indifferent and Sasuke keeps trying to deny the fact that he's in tears. Personally, as for me, I love him like a little brother, I'm just glad to see him again even though this dose of cold hard reality was not what I had in mind.

"Alright," Sakura cheered, "All done, Sasuke, try to rest and don't move too much. I'll be right back with some dinner or something."

(**Somewhere up a mountain)**

"Hey, hey, hey, hey," Shikamaru scolded, "You, yeah you, put that down!"

The red eyed one gave him an apologetic glance before spitting out what was once Shikamaru's prized game of Shogi**(2)**. Shikamaru picked up the poor game board. He squirmed under the feel of drool betwixt his fingers. Murray, Naruto, Sai, and even the red eyed one's golden eyed twin popped her head in. Shikamaru dropped the board with a sigh.

"I think we need to find a way to distinguish one lizard from the other." Sai observed, "It's kind of confusing when they answer to the same name."

"Hey Lizard!" Naruto called, by which the two turned.

"Prrrrrrr," Shogi purred.

"What Papa what?" The gold eyed one hissed.

"Oh duh of course," Murray beamed, "Names, let's give'em names!"

"Hey what's the slow down," Yamato asked until he spotted the brown little goofball, "Oh gee Shikamaru you made a new friend."

"and I just lost my Shogi board," Shikamaru sighed, "Poor poor Shogi."

"Grawwwwwr," The lizard roared as if to say 'what you mention me?'

"That one's Shogi," Sai observed, "but what can we name the female."

Murray snapped his fingers at a bright idea, "How about call Shogi's sister Jira! You know like Godzilla's traditional name Gojira**(3)** except without the 'Go.'"

"Jira," The gold eyed one responded, tasting the sound of the name on her tongue, "I like it. Call me Jira! Believe it!"

"That's my girl!" Naruto beamed proudly. Shikamaru slapped him upside the head causing the spiky haired blonde to flinch.

"You know Naruto," Yamato warned his orange clad teammate giving him the scariest "ghoul eyes" possible, "It is good common sense to _not_ get attached to the wildlife."

"Grahhhhhhh Scary Boy Scary Boy!" Jira squealed as she backhanded Yamato.

CRASH

Yamato got sent flying down the mountain.

**(Meanwhile at the ****new**** camp Clarity's point of view)**

Sakura practically skipped out the door. Sasuke sulked and I mean big time. Sure Sakura did a wonderful job in healing him. He looked as good as new but something told me, she left an arm and leg broken on purpose to deny him a chance at freedom. I've heard of a ball and chain but this crutch and cast deal is ridiculous.

I tossed Sasuke a bottle of spring water and handed him an aspirin saying, "Here you'll need this." Sasuke downed the aspirin and chugged the water one handed since his other arm was in a sling. I grabbed a few extra blankets and slung them over his shoulders. Sasuke scowled at me but buried himself under the layers as best he could. It was the closest I could ever get to a thank you until Sakura was up the mountain out of ear shot.

"Arigato**(4)** . . . Clarity," Sasuke whispered, voice hoarse from all that screaming.

"I'm going to be so behind in my training because of this," he snarled before turning my way, "Why didn't you stop them?!"

"Oh, you mean the lizard twins?" I asked as I sat next to Sasuke, gauging him a little before I opened my mouth to speak, "We didn't know what happened to you until that fight. I'm just glad you're alive at all."

"You still remember our little bet?" he asked, fingers running along the tag around his neck, you see this was the person I signed the two way summoning contract**(5)** with. We made a bet to see who could hold down the spiciest curry and while I had only eaten a little bit. He actually engorged himself to the point he made himself sick. Eventually he couldn't hold it down anymore and since I tricked him into it we called it a draw. He actually comes to crash on my couch most weekends and I stay out of the way as he plots to kill his brother. Yes the bet was stupid but the bond we got out of it I wouldn't trade for the world.

"I remember our bet like the back of my hand but you promised me," I spat unable to hold it in, "You promised me not to let yourself get abused for power and what do I find?! SOME IDIOT WHO JUST WENT NUTS AND GOT HIMSELF CROSSED WITH SOME MUTATED MONSTER!!"

"Clarity, cool it," Sasuke begged.

"Oh no I'm not cooling down now I'M FURIOUS," I screeched and grabbed his hand to shove it in his face, Sasuke was too stunned when I showed him the little fleshy funnels he had in the middle of his palms, "If I weren't behind a camera I'd have literally throttled you for letting this happen to yourself. Wouldn't your brother be proud? You're already one step away from following in his footsteps and getting yourself killed."

I know my words stung but I wanted them to sting. I was mad and I do not take things like that lying down.

"Sasuke, if Naruto were in my position right now; he'd have punched you in the face and beat you to a pulp. We haven't seen you in _forever_." I rambled though Naruto already did punch him . . . Twice and is actually the real reason Sasuke got both of his limbs on one side in a cast even after the twin lizards tore him to shreds. He tried to get up but couldn't even stand. He was wobbling with the effort.

"Just rest Sasuke," I told him, "Trust me, you aren't in danger. Of course, I could also tie you to the floor than you'd definitely be at our lovely medic's wrath I mean tender loving care."

"As if," Sasuke grimaced, "First I get beaten up by babies and that Idiot suddenly turns around and finds strength I never knew he had. Sssooo, where does that leave me?"

"Selling yourself short for seeking all the wrong kinds of power," I chided, "You need to rest. Even Iruka keeps preaching that jutsus are nothing when a body doesn't get . . ."

ZZZZZ

He fell asleep. He freaking fell asleep leaning into my shoulder no less! I could feel him sighing into the small of my neck; lungs had taken in larger amounts of air then were humanly possible. It left me kind of touched; it's rare for him to ever do something like that with anybody. It also left me very worried. Oh man if Sakura were to catch us like this she'd get the wrong idea. I mean I love him like a brother, and Sasuke keeps telling me I remind him of his _mom_ for crying out loud! Good grief, I'm not into getting romantic with people I consider family, that's just _disturbing_. Sakura will still kick my tail end black and blue when she sees this. Too bad I can't move, my legs fell asleep and a certain someone just got real comfortable real fast.

* * *

**(Meanwhile up the mountain Third Person point of view)**

Sakura trudged up the snowy mountain with a lot on her mind. As glad as she was to see Sasuke again, she still had to be realistic. They were far away from home. Murray and Clarity's cell phones had made their own mysterious disappearances and in their place, stood giant baby lizards. She thought they were threats but after the way that big black lizard warmed up to her 'parents' and fought to protect her biological brother, she had no idea what to do anymore. She had a feeling Team Kakashi was going to be in way over their heads.

She distributed chakra along the soles of her feet just so she could stay atop the powdery snow. She giggled at the trail Naruto had left in his caffeine induced craze chasing Clarity. The sight that did throw her for a loop however was seeing a big brown, red eyed bipedal lizard grinning like Naruto carrying everyone else's camping supplies and equipment. Well he dropped half of it while the other half his scraggy onyx skinned sister picked up.

"Shogi, Shogi, you dropped this," the gold eyed one, now named Jira, keened to her excited red eyed brother, Shogi.

"Ah don't mind Shogi," Naruto called to Jira as he kept his own little bag handy, walking cheerfully down the mountain, "He's just happy to help."

"I'm happy to help too," Jira pouted puffing out the cheeks of her triangular long head.

"Hey Naruto," Sakura called with a wave.

"Papa, She-man's looking at you again," Jira shouted, "Are you two an item or what?" Jira of course did not know what the slang word 'item' meant yet.

Sakura twitched, a hit nerve running up her spine as she thought, 'She-man? did that thing . . . just . . . call . . . me . . .'

'**YOU'RE GOING DOWN LIZARD LIPS!' **Sakura's inner self shrieked.

"Uh . . . Papa," Jira asked waving a hand in front of a stunned Naruto's face.

"SHANNAROO," Sakura roared, going berserk. She blazed up the mountain leaving a flurry of snow at her boot heels. Jira looked up only to get pelt with a chakra powered punch to her stomach that sent her reeling.

Jira slowed back a bit and lunged skyward. Sakura grabbed Jira's tail and tugged. Jira slammed into the snow, camping stuff went flying. Sakura smirked but Jira lashed out a back foot. Her long toes curled around Sakura's boot. Jira slithered forward and into the dirt leaving Sakura screaming from the neck up.

"Are you okay She-man?" Sai asked but too late. Sakura's wrath tripled.

WHAMMO

Sai earned an upper cut launching him thirty feet back from whence he came. Yamato shakily got to his feet from his roll downhill. He gave his sore neck a good rub. Checking for injuries, so far so good he was still alive. Only to have a flying pale ninja come crashing down from the sky.

WHOMPH

Never had the two guys ever been so glad for the extra thick snow fall. Meanwhile the twins disappeared . . . Again. No one knew where they went. Though let's just say it involved a couple of cell phones. Two fresh young minds were about to either put a rescue plan at ease or cause a heap of trouble. Of course no one saw them leave since Naruto was busy trying to yank Sakura up by her hair like a carrot pulled up from the ground.

* * *

**(Meanwhile at some lab in Staten Island)**

A slow day for the H.E.A.T**(6)** team was pretty much like a bored day in the office sometimes. Randy Hernandez, hacker extraordinaire, was busy killing off an alien hive in his favorite video game! His copper skin glistened, his short black dread locks bounced with his insane button mashing. It never bothered him he was the youngest member of the team. His high score suddenly went to zero when he ogled his long time crush French Secret Service Agent Monique Dupree walk by polishing up an old Wesley Shotgun from her private collection. In fact, it was no surprise to the team that as he turned around on his chair he got twisted in his game controller's wires as he fell out of his chair.

WHUMPH

"Ouch," he replied breaking the silence, "Concrete floors and soft landings just simply do not agree right chicka?" He looked to Monique hoping to get a coup out of her. What he got was the view down the tubes of a Winchester Rifle.

"You're lucky I don't bring bullets," The French/half Vietnamese woman replied with a pronounced French accent, "Otherwise I'm certain Nick would have a bloody carpet instead of concrete flooring." This was her version of joking. Mendel Craven, the heavyset blonde electronics whiz of H.E.A.T. fought the urge to tremble as he forced out a high squeaky nerve induced laugh. Sure Monique was drop dead gorgeous with her almond eyes, short dark hair, rich tan skin and that tank top was reinforcing her well developed hour glass figure very well in Randy's opinion. Of course the last time someone looked at her wrong, she decided to do target practice with live people. She was in a bad mood after getting slugged by a giant white slug that she literally took a machine gun to its head and opened fire.

Mendel was trying to piece together poor NIGEL, his beloved "Next-millennium Intelligence Gathering Electronic Liaison" robot. Usually he looked like a neon yellow low tech moped with a bunch of odds and ends tech all over him with a rounded face for eye contact. Mendel was thankful N.I.G.E.L's "head" was intact. The slug had sprayed acid and turned the rest of Nigel into a mess of hardened mush.

"Poor guy," Mendel muttered to N.I.G.E.L, "Whelp at least you didn't get destroyed . . . yet." He fumbled around in his pocket for his inhaler.

"Strong is the force. High sodium is her acid content yes?" N.I.G.E.L asked sounding exactly like Yoda. Mendel threw N.I.G.E.L's "head" hard as he went flying across the lab.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh" N.I.G.E.L screamed just as he was programmed. Suddenly Mendel felt guilty, and ran for the elevator as N.I.G.E.L rolled under Dr. Elsie Chapman's feet.

Elsie's long red hair had a case of static cling. The sarcastic Paleo-biologist fluffed out her oversized green sweatshirt. She loathed the gunk that got all over her brown skinny jeans. Her blue green sneakers were fine. What was freaking her out was a slug that could talk.

"Please pardon my attack on Denver," the little white slug**(7)** they took as a science sample spoke in the voice of a young woman not even in her twenties, "I'm sorry for creating chaos but Tsunade-sama told me we wouldn't even be able to meet you unless I started destroying something."

KRSH

Elsie dropped her beaker, after she found out the voice came from the slug and not from Randy hacking N.I.G.E.L's voice output device again. Not one to be out said. She wiped a hand over her cheek and decided to give the slug a piece of her mind.

"Oh yeah sure," Elsie sarcastically scoffed with her hands spread wide, "As if mentally scarring half a billion crazed football fans in Denver stadium is not scary enough. I'm happy the Denver broncos are never going to look at escargo the same way again."

The slug rolled and laughed. A helpless smile curled the corners of her x-shaped mouth. She knew these non-ninja civilians could be dense; specially after having to rescue one certain civilian more times than she could fall apart. Still it was an emergency that Tsunade-sama summoned her for. She just didn't have time to enjoy this red head's sharp tongued sarcasm a moment longer.

"Tsunade-sama wanted me to hand a certain bingo book to a Nick Tatopolis if I'm right?"

She peeled her slimy body away to reveal a new leather bound book with the words 'Don't kill highlighted people' written in rustic scribbled English. The white Slug disappeared in a puff of smoke. Elsie's eyes grew to the size of saucers. She frantically scrambled for tongs and a baggie. She picked the slimy book up with the tongs. She cursed the book for slipping and decided . . .

"Ah screw it I'll just grab it with my bare hands." Elsie snorted as she turned the baggie inside out, grabbed the book and turned the baggie outside in again. The evil little grin on her face was priceless. She wiggled the bag between her thumb and pointer finger. She dialed up her favorite little stool pigeon Dr. Nick Tatopolis, the researcher and head of the H.E.A.T team. What made her even angrier was she was put on hold.

* * *

**(Somewhere on a romantic getaway bound to turn ugly, Third person point of view.)**

Nick planned on doing this, he had it all planned and figured out in his head, even Animal got into it. Animal suggested that he take his on again off again romance Audrey Talbot, to the most romantic restaurant in town. Unfortunately it turned out to be a hot dog stand with an amazing view. As long as you looked past the big neon sign for Chuck E. Cheeses. He always told him miracles happened at this hot dog stand. Too bad, Nick never planned ahead right to face Audrey's wrath.

"YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTIC!" Audrey roared, she dressed in a pink slinky formal dress that hugged her model figure like a bun hugs a hot dog. She tapped the toe of her stiletto blue pumps. Veins were actually popping out of her forehead, "I thought you promised me an interesting evening _Nicky_."

"Oh ho ho don't stop now Nick," Victor "Animal" Pallotti the loud mouthed Italian-american new Yorker flashed his hundred watt grin with his beloved camera rolling, "This is just gettin' good!"

"Turn the camera off Animal," Audrey quipped before turning to Nick, Nick combed his brunette hair the way he always does, tucked his t-shirt into his loose pants, and tugged uncomfortably at the neck of his open button down shirt he looked at the daimond band in his hand as Audrey continued to give him a piece of his mind, "I can't you believe you take me to this dump of a hot dog stand."

"Dah . . . Well it was Animal's idea," Nick feebly replied, hands up in the surrender position.

"And I proposed to Lucy right here at this hot dog stand thank you," Animal quipped when he fondly thought of how his wife Lucy did the same Audrey was doing to Nick the day he proposed there.

"Animal turn the camera off," Audrey quipped again, "Nick when I get through with you you're going to be worm food."

"Yeah that is if you could get past Godzilla," Nick voiced when a noise broke the ice.

GRAWWWWRRRRR

"Animal turn the camera off," Audrey quipped, "What's that noise."

"Oh that's my phone," Animal chuckled as he reached deep inside his pocket, "Lucy got it for me since Godzilla ate the last one. Check it out, it's got this speakerphone feature."

"Shogi!" The voice on the other line quipped, "Shogi! Gimme the phone! I wanna call help!"

"Excuse me but who is this?" Nick softly asked.

"Grawr," Shogi roared but the other voice loudly hissed.

"This is Jira, the roar was Shogi," spoke the other voice, Jira, "Is there a doctor in the house?"

"I'm Dr. Nick Tatopolis," Nick answered, "Why did you call?"

"Papa needs help!" Jira roared, "A Monsters beating him up again. She's kind of pink with hideous green eyes. She's scaring me!"

"Okay and this makes sense how?" Audrey asked, "Animal turn the camera off."

"Nuh-ah" Animal grinned, "This is getting interesting."

"The monster just launched papa two hundred feet into the air! He's going to die!" Jira sobbed.

"Hey why don'tcha turn the phone you're on to the scene of the crime so we could see what's going on little girl," Animal joked but the things that trio heard made their blood run cold.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," A young teenage boy screamed, "Not there . . . NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"SHANNAROO!" The Monster screamed. Horrible sounds of carnage and battle could be heard in the background.

"That sounds like a mutation," Nick murmured to himself, awestruck at hearing the display of extreme physical power.

"So what are you going to do?" Audrey asked, "You going to run after the little monsters again?"

"Actually, I don't feel like a hot dog anymore," Nick concluded, "We don't have solid evidence of Mutatation activity yet so . . . You want to do Chinese takeout and a movie?"

"Sure anywhere but here," Audrey drawled as she leaned into Nick for support.

"Alleution Islands!" Jira cheered, causing the trio to gulp.

"What did you just say sweety," Audrey deadpanned, "Animal turn . . . That . . . Camera . . . OFF!"

"hmmmmm . . . No," Animal replied, "So you see, I _told_ you miracles happen at this hot dog stand."

**(Meanwhile back at the new camp Clarity's Point of View)**

I never knew I could be getting heat stroke right off the coast of Alaska. Man whoever starts to really wanting to date Sasuke better be someone with a high tolerance for heat or really hate the cold because his whole body was making the room as warm as a summer day in the sand dunes. The whole inside of the cabin glowed cadmium red with each little burst of flame piping out the blow holes swiveling in his back. Augh, I had to take off my parka revealing my cute little paisley wrap top underneath.

Sasuke's soft breath echoed through my ears. His lungs breathed extra deep, talk about lung capacity. His skin coated in a fine sheen of sweat. Great, I wasn't the only one who felt like a hot dog at a weenie roast. I turned around and shook Sasuke gently by his shoulder. When that didn't work I tried the next best thing.

"Hey Sasuke! B.L.T.!" I yelled, Sasuke shot up like a rocket with a slight wobble of cast encased limbs.

"Where," he beamed perking like the cat hearing the can opener.

"Glad to see you're awake," I crooned while rolling Sasuke into a standing position, "We really need to get out of here before you burn the place to ribbons."

"Don't you mean from ashes to ashes from dust to dust," Sasuke teased, "This is the warmest I've been all year."

"Uh yeah," I quipped slipping on my parka (this is still the Aleutian Islands), grabbing Sasuke and shoving him out the door. "Because you _are_ your own heat source."

Sasuke looked at me like I lost my marbles. Good grief he so needed a crutch or something. Sasuke took one step out the door, slipped and ended up doing the splits! I cringed but the poor guy was bound and determined not to cry! Still the tears held back at the corners of his eyes were really surprising. Was Sasuke actually ever that sensitive to anything before? Oh sure any guy would be sensitive if he got hit in the nether regions but, it made me wonder what that Mutation DNA was really doing to his system.

"Sasuke, what was Orochimaru having you do when you were out wreaking havoc?" I asked as I offered up my shoulder, arm, and a little help up.

"He was having me gather things such as residue, scales, feathers, slobber, blood, and . . ." He shivered at having to gather the last thing for Orochimaru . . . unmentionables.

"It all started with a giant fire bug which . . ." Sasuke shamefully bowed his head at this, "Well, you're looking at the results. He promised me Kabuto could reverse whatever's been done to me which means _he will not, _and he wanted someone down in those harsh environments meaning me. It's supposed to be a secret. You tell Naruto or anyone else about this and I promise you I won't be able to protect you or anyone from the white snake's wrath."

"Well you don't have to be totally ashamed," I soothed, "Lean into me a bit; take the weight off your broke leg, you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"In what," Sasuke growled, his chakra spiked, telling me we were going to have company soon. Good grief, he's such an introvert. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know," I chuckled, "Maybe in the fact you've the gumption to actually say you worry about others for once."

"I do not!" Sasuke snapped.

"You do too." I snapped back, "and I quote 'You tell Naruto or anyone else about this and I promise you I _won't be able to protect _you or anyone from the white snake's wrath.' That came from _your _lips Sasuke so don't give me any lip saying that you're not that kind, loving kid I know you are."

"Of course I'm not," He snapped, "I just like being cold, cynical, and . . ."

WHHHHHHHHHHHH

A cold wind whistled by sending Sasuke the shivers. So much for the ultimate heat source. I leaned Sasuke against a tree before I ran back inside, unsealed a few sweatshirts and an extra jacket from my art kit. Yes I usually use these things for smocks but since we were out in the middle of nowhere it was better warmth than nothing. I ran out and Sasuke Uchiha was already hobbling away.

"SASUKE UCHIHA," I roared using his full name, Sasuke sweat dropped and started hopping faster, "You get back here now!"

"Make me Harp-eek!" Sasuke squeaked.

WHOMPF

I just hit him with a rock. He shook it off and started to army crawl away.

I jumped him and a big fight ensued. Sasuke struggled, punching with his free hand. He sent a kick to my face, causing me to back up a bit. Having enough, I jammed my boot heel into his broken leg.

SCREEEEEEEEE

That last scream didn't even sound human. I kneed him in the gut. Sasuke struggled to keep me from forcing his head into a sweatshirt. Well too darn bad, it's not going to be my fault that he catches a cold. I stomped on the outside of his foot. His ankle twisted as tears sprung a leak in his eyes.

"What were you thinking making me wear this," he spat as I shoved a second sweatshirt over his head, "I am not a doll for your amusement." If Sasuke's other arm wasn't in a sling I wouldn't have been able to sock him one in the gut.

FWOK

"You are going to dress properly like it or not," I quipped as Sasuke clutched his queasy stomach, "I don't care if you're even half bug, half idiot, this is the mountains. Never sacrifice function for fashion."

"Is this even necessary," Sasuke uncharacteristically whined, The outer shirt I picked out for him literally had the logo, 'HUG ME' written all over it. His cheeks turned as pink as the little hearts appliquéd into the sleeves. "I'm not your stupid doll."

"Yeah you're right your not my doll, but you're still one of the closest things I have to a bratty little brother," I chirped ruffling Sasuke's hair while he let me help him into the jacket that he demanded I zip up before he gets caught in a girly sweat shirt that said 'HUG ME.' Too bad I didn't tell him that the back of the jacket also said 'HUG ME.' I ought to know, I sewed it there myself.

GRAHHHHAAWWRRR

GAAAAAARRRRRRRR

A couple roars caught my ears, along with the high pitched hissing sound of chakra. Naruto, Sai, Yamato, and Sakura excluding Shikamaru looked like they'd been run through the ringer. Naruto was limping a little with a hand at his tail bone. Sai kind of swayed a little and Yamato was barely able to hold him up. Sakura just stormed in looking frazzled. Sasuke decided to take a step back to avoid being launched 200 feet into the air. I was about to ask what happened to them, but Naruto placed a finger to my lips.

"Sakura happened," Naruto answered, "After Jira opened her big fat mouth."

"Jira?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"What you mentioned me?" the gold eyed one asked.

"It was troublesome having two babies answer to Lizard all the time so we named the male Shogi and the female Jira." Shikamaru beamed which in his case was more like a light bulb going out.

"I'M NOT A BABY!" Jira whined.

"Oh yeah?" Shikamaru dead panned a grin spreading across his face, "Then how old are you."

" . . ." Jira thought and thought but once she figured out how old she really was, "No comment,"

"Good," Shikamaru toned stretching before folding both arms behind his head, "I rest my case."

"I'm not resting mine there's something I forgot uphill." I confessed, "Besides a little talk I want to have with everybody later. Right now, to the mountain top!"

"You're going back up the mountain!" Shikamaru whined, "But we already brought everything back from the old campsite. What can you possibly forget up a mountain?"

"We even brought your coffee thermos down the mountain," Yamato added holding up my thermos betwixt his fingers. I looked at him like he lost his mind.

"That's not what I'm talking about," I mused aloud, I went to where Sasuke was hiding in the shadows and hoisted him over my shoulder the same way a man does a fifty pound bag of rice. Seriously, Sasuke really needed a crutch or something, but I wasn't going to let him hobble away either. He glowered at me while Naruto openly fell to the forest floor laughing.

"Hahahahahahaha," Naruto chortled his eyes leaking, "Nice outfit Sasuke, what'd Clarity do make you wear a girly sweat shirt?"

"Shut up!" Sasuke fumed while Sakura was suppressing the urge to strangle me or giggle at the fact Sasuke had on a jacket with the words 'HUG ME' sewn on in Curly q letters on the back.

"Hey Clarity what're you doing with Sasuke get back here," Shikamaru ordered, picking up the pace. I glanced at my watch, still at least twenty minutes to go. I remembered one of the shinobi rules Naruto's teacher Kakashi told me about was never leave a prisoner unguarded but worse yet "never take a traitor with you." If anything, There was nineteen minutes to go and if sending a bunch of already haggardly tired ninjas on a wild goose chase was enough to kill time so be it. At least they were out of ear shot further up the mountain.

"Clarity what are you planning?" Sasuke hissed; Sai had an inked rat on my tail.

SPING

Sasuke threw a kunai at the rat as it melted into a blob of fresh ink; force of habit for the traveling ninja always taking out a tracking device. Sasuke's already done this to six actually make that eight cell phones of mine when I told him I could track his chakra signature via the Google Earth app. Hey for him it was a bad habit he picked up while avoiding rabid fangirls. For me it was advantage of having 53 kg of cartable security. Sasuke is no light weight. My back was hurting like Hades in a handbag. Of course, what better bait to use on team Kakashi than their pouting long lost buddy, yes?

"Urgh," I growled with the effort of kneeling down so Sasuke could put his good foot down and stand better. I could feel Sasuke's whole body leaning on my sore shoulder as I rose to check the clock on my cell phone. Sasuke already had a hand to his sword. I flinched at the slight flux of chakra.

"Oh no you don't," I quipped putting my hand on the hilt of his snake sword, "You kill my phone; I hurt you; kill me and the lizards might just start getting a taste for humans."

Sasuke blanched at the thought of becoming lizard food for Shogi and Jira. Speak of the lizards here they came running now. Jira, thinking this was all a big game, decided to grab Sai and hoist him around by the seat of his pants. Sakura was on the war path, eyes blazing and knuckles cracking. Shogi with his vulpine grin had Shikamaru by his chunin vest and was dangling him around like a sock monkey. Naruto suddenly barreled past the group with a rasengan ready for my face. Yamato came just in time to grab the hot head by the collar.

"Hold it everyone you know the deal," Yamato chided, "Kill the client and we fail the mission." I checked the clock of my cell phone before looking to the sky with a silent grin, countdown over. The light show had just begun.

"What is with you!" Sakura fumed as she grabbed me by the scruff of my Parka. Sasuke almost face planted. He grabbed my shoulder and struggled to stand.

"Oh just admiring the view up there." I answered, pointing my finger skyward.

At least seven pairs of eyes, human and lizard alike (my eyes included), looked up in awe at the smoky billowy stream of light up in the northern sky. A kaleidoscope of colors swirled across the moonless night like steam rising from a nice hot cup of mint chocolate coffee. As the colors swirled and danced I grabbed my DSLR camera and began snapping pictures. Shikamaru found a good patch of ground laid back and enjoyed the show. Sasuke's mouth was doing a good impression of an angler fish. Sakura had that glittery look in her jade eyes that she normally gets when seeing the sun set or when she sees the dog Akamaru chase off the annoying neighborhood cat at 3:00 A.M. The corners of Yamato's lips went down, his bottom lip jutted out as he got into this thinking pose wondering if Kurenai could use this image in any genjutsus. Sure, Naruto would've loved to give Sasuke heck for finally showing emotion on his face but he was too busy staring dumbstruck. Then there's Sai, whose face became so blank, arms gone limp, and if he turned to his side and stuck out his tongue, he'd look like a zipper off a polar bear suit.

"Oy Sai," I called and went to snapping my fingers in front of his face only to get no answer, "Oh Saaiiii . . . Sai? . . Sai . . . YO SAI!"

"NANI!" He snapped, spinning around Kunai in hand. I grabbed his wrist and let him struggle a little until he _knew_ it was me in front of him. Sai was raised to be in this ANBU group known as ROOT and believe me having an emotionless killing machine as an art apprentice really tests one's patience. I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he's been finding his emotions. Lately it's been a bad thing that he rigged my art supplies to explode on contact. Most studious guy I ever met. Still his social graces are a haphazard work in progress.

"Oh Claire-sensei is that you?" He asked, "It's so wonderful to freak you."

Yeah he has a way with words. I already got used to that. I asked, "Do you have your camera?"

"Hai!"

"Then go shoot pictures! Believe me, you never know the next time a beautiful show like this ever happens again." I chirped

"Well actually it happens every year from September 22 to March 22 in the northern latitude regions whenever it gets dark!" Sai beamed, causing me to face palm.

"Oh just grab your camera and shoot some pictures before you ruin the moment!" I snapped, causing Sai to jump, he looked around nervously scratching his cheek a little, "and what're you going to say?"

"Um . . . Ah . . . Ah," Sai stuttered at a loss for words.

"SPIT IT OUT DUDE!" I roared.

"Can I take a picture of myself and all my friends?" Sai asked.

"Why didn't you say so before?" I chuckled, "Here, you can borrow my tripod. This is how you set the timer, and there's a good spot over there. Just point click and shoot."

"Can Jira, Shogi and . . . And. . . Sasuke come into the picture too besides you of course?" he asked, oh now that struck a chord, I mean awkward, yes, but I've never had anyone ever ask me if I wanted to be in a picture before. Usually I'm just there.

"What how to book have you been reading now?" I asked. He reached into his bag and grabbed a dog eared paperback called "How to Ask of Others: A guide for requests and thank you."

I shook my head laughing, "Sai take it from someone who knows if you're going to just say something, say it from your heart. Trust me, that's one little pro-social lesson _no book _can teach you, but yeah sure, I'll call Sasuke and the twins over." I ruffled Sai's black hair as I turned to catch Shogi and Jira. Sasuke was still using me as an impromptu crutch.

"Clarity I don't want my picture taken," Sasuke hissed in my ear, "Especially not in this girly jacket." Oh yes Sasuke still never quite learned how to swallow his pride, at least not in public . . . Yet.

"Sasuke don't be such a downer," I hissed back, "Just enjoy the moment. Good grief, you're not the only one who looks like a wreck. I've still got egg gunk down my back, stains from falling down a tree, and dirt all over me. Personally I think I'm ready for my close up." Sasuke split his sides laughing as I continued. "There you see, just smile and you'll look fine."

Sai got the picture that he wanted of the group under the Northern Lights.

Yamato stood in the back with a stoic smile a little behind Sakura and her tentative approach at a cute girly grin. Naruto and I proceeded to give each other bunny ears by our grin split faces. Sasuke wobbled off balance a little, his zipper broke opening to reveal the 'HUG ME' sweatshirt underneath the jacket. Shogi and Jira were out in front of the team giving Sai a bone crushing hug. Yet the one thing to light this picture up was the glow of the northern lights. Who would trade a picture like that for the world?

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) "The Scarlet Pimpernal"-**A classic book written by Baroness Orczy who got inspired by seeing some guy in a London Subway Station. The series has been a big hit ever since. Let's just say the guy was the "batman" or avenger of his time.

**(2)Shogi-**Shogi is actually a form of Japanese Chess. The chess pieces are exactly the same color but they are also shaped into an arrow like shape with the kanji for the pieces on top.

**(3)Gojira- **Godzilla's original Japanese name.

**(4)Arigato-**Japanese word for Thank you. I've certain you've heard it in sayings such as "Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto"

**(5)Summoning Contract-** In the Naruto Ninja World, you can sign an animal contract to summon certain animals to help you in battle. Jiraiya has the toad contract. The third Hokage has a monkey contract. Yet the contract created in this story between Sasuke and Clarity is a reverse Summoning Contract, original only to Clarity in Konoha. Sasuke is able to reverse summon himself and anything he wants with him over to anywhere around Clarity's vicinity. Rumor has it he can also reverse summon Clarity but I have yet to see that happen.

**(6)H.E.A.T-** "Humanist Enviromental Analysis Team" or as the overall public calls them, Monster Hunters.

**(7)The Little White Slug-**Okay I know this is a little cruel but I want you to guess at who the slug is. It's actually apart of a summoning contract. It just tickled my fancy to have this famous Naruto Character attack Denver Stadium. I've got nothing against any sports teams or Denver but we've had plenty of other cities attacked such as New York, or Tokyo. I decided why not have a problem in the "Mile High City" for a change besides the wild traffic.


	4. A Hit in the Face

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. Behold . . . suspense and Sasuke runs around in a sweat shirt.

//RINGTONE//

* * *

**(What happened so far)**

_Sai got the picture that he wanted of the group under the Northern Lights._

_Yamato stood in the back with a stoic smile a little behind Sakura and her tentative approach at a cute girly grin. Naruto and I proceeded to give each other bunny ears by our grin split faces. Sasuke wobbled off balance a little, his zipper broke opening to reveal the 'HUG ME' sweatshirt underneath the jacket. Shogi and Jira were out in front of the team giving Sai a bone crushing hug. Yet the one thing to light this picture up was the glow of the northern lights. Who would trade a picture like that for the world? _

* * *

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 4: A hit in the face**

**(Aleutian Island Hot Springs Sasuke's Point of View)**

Agh, I feel so useless! First of all I've still got burns on my butt from getting fried by a couple of baby lizards that all my old teammates called Shogi and Jira. If that weren't enough, I get beat up again when those same lizards went after a cup of Ramen geez they already take after the Dobe**(1)**. I get caught up in the middle of the fight at first this Murray guy laughs at me like it is funny. It's _not funny _especiallywhen a couple girls pin you down and start snapping you back into place. Well it was Sakura who did all the bone breaking; when did she get so strong! Clarity had her hands clamped down and well her face just shut down. I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

Oh I bet everybody's wondering what Naruto did to me. He surprised me is all he did. I mean the last time I saw him I made him cry. I left him literally in tears. Now instead of oh I don't know a hug. He pulls the Naruto Uzumaki Barrage**(2)** on my face along with a knee to the gut and a beat down that would have made Tsunade-sama proud.

Clarity says nothing until it's just the two of us. She shoved my own hand in my face. All I hear is blah blah blah even after I beg her to cool down. I mean I've been through one of Clarity's ranting sessions. It makes her look on Smokey the bear on crack. She has this habit of blathering on and on and on and on to the point I feel like a nap.

. . . Her next words were what cut me to the core.

"If I weren't behind a camera I'd have literally throttled you for letting this happen to yourself." I remember her snarling, she was crying actually crying! "Wouldn't your brother be proud? You're already one step away from following in his footsteps and getting yourself killed."

'_Ah man please don't cry, don't cry, don't cry . . . Grrr I SOUND LIKE THE DOBE!' _I yell to myself inside my head. It wasn't her words that hurt me it was her tears. Clarity is one of the most idiotic adults I ever met. She drinks coffee like a well that pumps oil. She's violent, selfish, and yet she never worries about herself it's always someone else.

I can handle fan girls, I can handle the dramatic love confessions, but what I can't handle is some woman who reminds me of my Mom Mikoto Uchiha. My mom is pretty much the exact opposite of Clarity (except for the never worries over herself part) and yet it's still there; those little reactions of kindness and the sudden urge to completely embarrass me. We fight like weasels and snakes. I've never fought with my Mom but I've never had many people so open to me with their heart not including Sakura, Kakashi, and Naruto.

Speaking of which, that Murray dude just made me a crutch. Yeah it's crude, kind of has that earthy feel but at least it fits. I've still got a broken arm and leg on one side. It's so embarrassing having to yell like a pregnant woman who can't get up.

I'm still wearing that stupid 'HUG ME' sweatshirt I hate but it _is_ cold so I don't feel so tempted to use a fireball jutsu and blow it to smithereens . . . Yet. I do feel tempted to take a soak in the hot springs but these casts aren't water proof and I so don't want to ask Naruto to help me with a sponge bath. That is just so wrong on so many levels. Still a hobble around camp and everyone feels like strangers to me. I never took the time to notice how much has changed.

Naruto's growth spurt is hardly unnoticeable. He still wears orange and is still an obnoxious little idiot. Clarity was trying to get him to study. I'd wish her good luck but Naruto never studies. Iruka**(3)** even had a hard time trying to get him to learn something. Good grief, say the words written test and Naruto's knees buckle under the pressure. Dare I say _believe it_? Of course Naruto being Naruto just had to be unpredictable.

"Okay so the Aloe Vera is actually a desert cactus you can find out in the plains that can help treat burns, The Iris is actually perfect for desert landscaping, and the Alliums are actually edible?" Naruto asked.

"Okay to answer your questions in order is yes, yes, and yes." Clarity explained in the voice I've heard her use on me when I tried to make coffee (not touching that again), "Oh yeah don't forget about the Pansies they're edible too."

"Cool!" Naruto beamed, "I wonder how they'll taste with Miso Ramen, I can't wait to try that out with the flowers in my window box at home."

THUD

"Oy Sasuke you okay?" Murray asked and I just couldn't believe it. Naruto . . . waters flowers? He actually knew stuff and you didn't have to pull teeth to get him to just get it?

"You do owe me Clarity remember?" Naruto demanded. Clarity sagely nods and pulls out this tally sheet that has the word "Ramen" on it. Of course, Naruto would go to amazing lengths for a ramen treat.

I have no hard feelings toward Yamato. I mean I hardly know him except that one time I blew up Orochimaru's lair as soon as I woke and man was that fun! Other than that he's just fine I guess. He was actually pretty animated when Clarity got into talking about Alaskan trees and of course all three got into this debate over which tree was harder. Yamato knew his facts from practicing **Mokuton no Jutsu**. Clarity knew hers from research. Naruto knew his facts by getting slammed into trees all the time, he gauges them at which tree hurt the worst.

"Sakura," I ask in as manly a way I could, "Can I have a little help up please?"

I squinted my eyes shut; ready for the dreaded fawning she usually does over me but . . . It never comes. She yanks me up by the scruff of my neck. She pats me off and then goes on about her merry way. She even goes to give me a quick pat on the back before walking away. I feel so useless; she used to practically prance at my heels like a little lap dog. Now she's even laughing it up with Naruto and the rest of their team. Dare I say it, my old comrades have changed, everyone changed and I'm the one that's changed the least, power hungry, I'll admit my favorite word is power.

So where does that leave me? More time to myself I guess. Man these ninja should pay attention more. Heck I should've paid attention more when a shadow separated itself from the trees. Make that three shadows, I couldn't sense their chakra signature because I was too busy thinking. So, where did that leave me?

GLOMP

It left me being hugged by the one named . . . Sai. He had a book in one hand his "How to Cheer People Up for Dummies". His other arm suggestively wrapped around me. Was he from another planet or something? I gave him a death glare. Sai just stared and stared. A hawk keened in the distance to fill that long awkward silence since well it was too cold for the crickets to be here.

"What . . . Are . . . You doing?" I snarled.

"Your shirt said to hug you." Sai innocently stated, "You look lonely."

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE!" I screamed swinging my crutch at him. Sai ducked and poked me in the nose. I fell on flat on my can.

"eh . . . Ah . . . Arrrrgh." I growled with the effort of trying to get up but all that told me was what I had nothing and nobody. I felt really jealous, how could some orphan such as Naruto suddenly gain everything while I had nothing is what I want to say to myself. Yet I felt two pair of familiar claws at my abdomen.

"Up you go," Jira crooned. Shogi was wagging his tail and giving me a vulpine grin. It was kind of cute but really disturbing. It was as if Naruto suddenly turned into a man sized brown lizard. Jira's golden eyes glittered in a mix of mirth, concern, and that kind of unconditional love you'd expect from a child. Oh right, they're baby lizards. Who says they'll imprint on anyone else.

"Ojisan!**(4)**" Jira cheered.

"WHAT THE!" I yelled, before I got mauled by two lizards, "Get off me! I'm not your uncle!"

"But you smell like Okaasan and Papa," Jira purred, "Shogi even says so too."

Then it hits me, great, that blasted sweatshirt! The egg gunk that was down Clarity's back. The time she wrestled this thing onto me. Great, I'm a lizard's uncle. I still lost everything so whoop de . . .

GONG

"Where the heck were you!" Clarity huffed after throwing a skillet in my face, "You . . . You . . ."

"Sasuke you had us worried sick!" Sakura finished eyes blazing, "First you go moping around the place, face faulting, and then-"

"Sai comes over to tell me you were thinking of suicide?" Yamato calmly responded, "What is going on here!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Naruto yelled grabbing the scruff of my borrowed 'HUG ME' shirt. Man I'm starting to hate that thing, "WE WANT YOU BACK ALIVE NOT DEAD YOU MORON!"

"Naruto," I quipped, "I'm not thinking of suicide."

"Don't get me started on how many countries I hopped to and from just to find you. You already defected once." Naruto blabbed on and on and on, good grief Clarity and the Idiot are rubbing off on each other.

"Naruto," I quipped, as his 'son' Shogi was standing right behind him mouthing everything he said.

"Rar raar rar rar roar," Shogi blathered mimicking Naruto's wild hand gestures with his forepaws. He waddled back and forth trying to copy Naruto's sloppy stomping pace. It was too funny, I just had to laugh.

"Ha ha ha . . . Ha ha . . . HA HA HA HA," I chortled.

"Sakura what's that noise is he sick or something?" Naruto asked giving that screwball confused look of his. Shogi just mirrored the expression.

"HA HA HA HA HA HAAAH," I guffawed, oh man, my ribs hurt.

"Okaasan what is that noise coming out his nose?" Jira asked.

"Hah hah hah hah . . . *snort*" I decided to stop laughing, I tried to hold it down, but the giggles would just not stop. Clarity knew what was wrong with me. She saw me laugh at the way Shogi screwed up his colossal lizard face trying to act like Naruto. An evil grin slithered across her lips, oh no please tell me she's not going to say . . .

"Sasuke . . . Breath."

My sides split, I kept laughing till I couldn't breathe; my cheeks as red as a cherry tomato. Naruto was frantically panicking. Shogi lifted his arms in the same reaction and tail slapped Shikamaru in the face. Sakura wailed on Naruto. Clarity was rolling on the ground laughing. Yamato sighed and walked away. Sai was nowhere to be seen. Jira however cocked her head as if she heard a certain noise and the next thing I know I'm flying through the air and . . . I . . . Still . . . Can't . . . _Breath._

**(Back where Jira threw Sasuke, Clarity's Point of View)**

What I saw before me totally bogged my mind. Still the girl's only a baby and I'm not going to teach her how to throw stuff . . . yet.

"Jira," I demanded, "Next time you throw a Sasuke sized object. Make sure, you know where you're going to throw it instead of out IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN!"

"But I did, I did, I did, know where to throw him," Jira crooned, "I threw Sasuke to get help from Dr. You-are-so-busted Nick." Jira wagged her tale. I face faulted. Oh boy, now I knew how a parent feels like with an impossible child.

* * *

**(Meanwhile on the H.E.A.T. Seeker 3****rd**** Person Point of View)**

Randy was humming himself a joyful tune as Mendel was up at the bow of the ship, suffering from sea sickness yet again. He grabbed his laptop, propped his feet up on Mendel's desk and proceeded to eat the fries beside Mendel's 100% germ free cheeseburger. Many ideas were running through his head at what he could get N.I.G.E.L to do for the day. He had a few ideas of making of making him speak Klenon or pig latin. He could make N.I.G.E.L sound like Mendel's mother for old times sake. He had too many bright ideas and not enough inspiration. He still had the hearing to pick up upon a sixteen year old boy screaming his lungs out while flying at Mach 2.

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH

CRASH

GYAH

CRASH

Randy looked up from his, actually Mendel's, fries and asked, "Did we just install a new escape hole?"

He ran to the one hole on the left; ducktail shaped hair, funny pants check, and when he looked to the floor he found a really cool sword. It was a plain blue hilt. The blade, a long thin katana shortsword. Monique would've loved it. Still, he didn't how it got there. He unsheathed and started to swing it around. He imagined himself as a ninja.

"Cool," He grinned and sheathed the sword. He took a look to the other side and saw a flying boy flailing and screaming further and further away.

"Wow a flying ninja!" exclaimed Randy until he squinted at the big 'HUG ME' logo at the back of his sweatshirt, "Wait what in the heck is he wearing?"

Randy scratched his head but shrugged his shoulders and went about his merry way to see about screwing with NIGEL some more.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH," Sasuke screamed until he skimmed across the water like a stone.

SPLASH

SPLASH

KER-SMASH

Poor Sasuke got his head stuck into the side of a glacier. He put both his hands and feet on the icy wall. He charged chakra into all four limbs and budged. The wall wouldn't budge. Sasuke's head was still stuck in the side of the glacier.

'Great just great,' Sasuke snarled in his head but if he had the nerve to grin like a complete idiot he would have, 'tossed by a baby lizard into a chunk of ice. Man if my brother were ever like her I'd be dead already. Actually, wait if my brother were actually like Jira, then maybe I wouldn't have had to always ask Mom how to deal with him? Jira's easier to understand since she does take after a spitball and a dobe.'

He felt his own temperature rise at the memories. Clarity's often affectionately ruffling his hair before berating him for not watching his health. His eyes stun at the constant yet, hindsight wise, amusing squabbles with Naruto. That Murray guy's simple gestures of friendship and excited look of awe the last time he heated a B.L.T. with a phoenix flower jutsu that blew nearly two thirds of Clarity's wall where the linseed oil was placed. He remembered the changes he'd seen in his friends at the land of wave. Something caught in his throat.

"How long was I gone . . . Four, five years?" Sasuke wondered to himself as he got to his feet, "Now I know how someone feels when he or she suddenly turns up at those high school reunions Clarity is always designing posters for."

"Hey did you see that?" yelled a voice. Sasuke's mutation enhanced ears perked at the sound of a very big very smooth running motorboat nearly a mile away.

"Oh no . . . _not again_," Another voice whined (Mendel), "Well . . . actually . . . I've never heard Randy act frantic before."

"But I saw it I swear," The voice Sasuke guessed was Randy hit a note that made his ears ring, "I saw a flying ninja scream like a little girl."

The rest of the people aboard the ship looked at Randy like he was clueless. Sasuke couldn't make out what the side of the ship said. It was rusty, and you could probably scrape off plenty of the paint with a fingernail. He took a step slipped and did the splits.

SMACK

Sasuke landed right on his hinny.

**(Meanwhile on an ice burg, Sasuke's point of view)**

'How could I forget my casts?' I whined those infernal contraptions cost me my dignity, to heck with my pride, "Grrrrr when I get my hands on Naruto I'm so gonna . . . RRARRRGH"

//HIYA KIDS THIS IS ELMO!!! PICK UP THE PHONE THIS IS ELMO CALLING. ELMO WANTS TO SAY HE LOOOOOOVES YOU!//

My phone goes off. Great and just when I get into the middle of a good rant too. I stole this phone off of one of Orochimaru's henchmen and I still can't work the damn thing. Who in their right mind likes that silly fur ball Elmo for a ringtone?

SPLOOSH

GRROWWWLLL

An ominous huge reptilian head cast its ever present shadow across me blotting out the sun. I turned around as much as my casts would let me, man my nether regions hurt. Somehow I don't think Shogi could suddenly just get extra huge and gain thousand pounds! Something tells me this is the daddy.

". . . uh . . . Hi," I greet the lizard not sure he can understand human, Jira's quite the loudmouth and she speaks well, "WAIT WHAT'RE YOU DOING!"

The big black lizard sniffed me. He hooked a huge black into my shirt and dangled me in front of his nose.

"**Chidori**!" I scream pushing Raiton Chakra into my fist and aiming the technique at his face. Man, that hide is thick. I felt like I was hitting a thick rubber wall. The flash of light did nothing to deter the boat. In fact the boat just went rattling over. That's the last thing I saw before the beast opened his mouth and swallowed me whole. I could only hear the swish of water as he descended into the Pacific Ocean below.

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) Dobe**- Idiot/deadlast- Sasuke's favorite nickname for Naruto.

**(2) Naruto Uzumaki Barrage**- It's one of Naruto's own moves that he used in the chuunin exams to defeat Kiba.

**(3) Iruka**- An chuunin and teacher at the ninja academy.

**(4) Ojisan**-basically Jira just called Sasuke her uncle.


	5. Horror in a HUG ME Shirt

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. Well, this chapter was going to be only 27 pages and ended being 57! I seriously had to edit. Still, this piece is fun, and what was going to be one chapter will end up being multiple chapters of chaos.

* * *

**(What happened so far Sasuke's Point of View)**

"_. . . uh . . . Hi," I greet the lizard not sure he can understand human, Jira is quite the loudmouth and she speaks well, "WAIT WHAT'RE YOU DOING!"_

_The big black lizard sniffed me. He hooked a huge black claw into my shirt and_ dangled _me in front of his nose. _

"_**Chidori**__!" I scream pushing Raiton Chakra into my fist and aiming the technique at his face. Man, that hide is thick. I felt like I was hitting a thick rubber wall. The flash of light did nothing to deter the boat. In fact the boat just went rattling over. That's the last thing I saw before the beast opened his mouth and swallowed me whole. I could only hear the swish of water as he descended into the Pacific Ocean below._

* * *

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 5: Horror in a "HUG ME" Shirt**

**(Aboard the H.E.A.T. Seeker, Third Person Point of View)**

"But I saw it I swear," Randy protested, "I saw a flying ninja scream like a little girl."

"Oh yeah sure you did," Elsie snorted, "and I'm the queen of the pacific."

The argument had been going on for two hours already ever since they got the call, from the mayor, about some crazy people jumping into the Pacific Ocean and despite many a protest Nick the humanist was adamant to rescue them. Mendel tried pointedly to support Elsie's point of view about leaving it as is. Monique didn't want to get in the middle of anything and decided to go keep an eye on Godzilla who had the sudden urge to jump up onto an iceberg and eat something. Monique's dark eyes narrowed. She took up a pair of binoculars to take a look at the man shaped thing that Godzilla dangled momentarily by his claws.

"Nick!" Monique commanded, "Qu'est-ce que c'est? **(1)**"

Monique handed the binoculars to Nick. Nick looked up but too late. Godzilla chomped down on his catch of the day. He dipped his colossal head into the ocean and dived out to sea. Nick shook his head and shrugged his shoulders as he handed the binoculars back to Monique. He didn't seem to have time to worry about what his adopted 400 foot tall lizard son was putting in his mouth. If he noticed that thing was in the shape of a man he'd have yelled otherwise.

Meanwhile Elsie was flipping through a very unique book **(2)** while Mendel went down to work on some samples.

"Gahhhhhhhhhhh," Mendel screamed, "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAB!"

"See I told you a flying ninja flew through here." Randy scoffed as he followed the rest of the group down to the lab where NIGEL was usually stored but NIGEL just so happened to be outside. A one hundred sixty-eight centimeter tall man shaped hole was letting in the draft through one wall. A man shaped hole on the other wall across from it was letting out the draft. Elsie's jaw dropped in shock, Mendel was babbling nonsense, Monique's face lit up with surprise for like two seconds before her face shut down and Nick, perplexed, looked at one hole that had the view of the Aleutian Islands on one end and the Ice Berg that Godzilla climbed onto in the other hole.

"Are you sure it was a human being that came through here?" Nick asked causing Randy to get so flustered.

"Ehhhhh," Randy screamed, "It was a flying Ninja! That's just what I've kept telling everyone else Jefe **(3)**! He even dropped a sword and everything."

Monique pondered this for a bit before asking, "Let me see this sword?"

Randy handed her the Katana. She unsheathed the blade and studied its detail. Her eyes ran over the blue wood hilt. It took her only a glance to recognize the blade's origins. It came from an unknown continent that no one was supposed to know exist. Of course every secret service agent and their dog knew it. So how could she say as much as she could say and still keep her lips sealed?

"Yes Randy it _is_ a ninja sword." Monique simply stated as she sheathed the blade and put it carefully on a nearby shelf next to the door.

"Oh I knew it I knew it!" Randy cheered, he bolted for the deck.

"I didn't say anything about flying ninjas!" yelled Monique chasing after him.

COUGH-COUGH

SPLAT

Monique squirmed underneath a pile of arms and legs covered in drool. The flying Ninja just made his appearance in a set of Asian style pants, sandles, a rope belt, and the most hideously bubble gum pink sweatshirt anyone ever seen with the words 'HUG ME' labeled all over it. Godzilla gave a wide toothy grin. His claws dug into the stern; treading water. Elsie was flabbergasted and ran out of words to say. Nick was bent over checking the poor teen's vital signs. The ninja's eyes a couple of curly Q's beneath that spiky raven hair. Randy was quite proud to be right. Monique scowled at Godzilla before glowering at Nick.

"How dare you let that th-that . . . Thing spit up all over me!" Monique spat; ready to kill him.

"Hey that thing's called Godzilla Monique," Randy interjected before cheering, "All right smooth move for the G-man!"

"Well at least it wasn't me this time." Mendel cheered, before blowing his nose. He was the one who usually got caught in situations like this.

Nick glanced up and asked, "So, who wants to take him for an examination."

"I'm not going to touch him." Elsie retorted, "Besides I've . . . Got some samples to go study!"

"Wait, wait, I'll come with you." Mendel cried.

"Cool," Randy cooed, "Can I poke him?"

". . . No . . ." Monique chided as she rolled the Ninja off of her, "He might become violent when he wakes up. So I'll carry him, besides, I feel filthy enough as it is anyway."

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) Qu'est-ce que c'est?- **French for What's that?

**(2) A very unique book-** Remember the book that slug left Elsie in chapter 3? Anyone guess who that slug was? I'll give you a hint. It wasn't a mutation that attacked Denver Stadium, it was a summons, particularly a ninja summons.

**(3) Jefe-** Spanish word for "boss" and Randy's nickname for Nick.


	6. Nightmare in a HUG ME Shirt

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is both dynamic and funny.

**Extra Announcement:**I want to hear your opinions on a future prospect of this story. I've set up a poll to see which of the heat team might become Sasuke's sensei. Yes it's a surprise but remember this is an Alternate universe Storyline. Your vote will make a difference. (Please pardon the fact I sound like some politics voting commercial when you're reading this)

* * *

**(What happened so far****Aboard the H.E.A.T. Seeker, Third Person Point of View)**

_Nick glanced up and asked, "So, who wants to take him for an examination."_

"_I'm not going to touch him." Elsie retorted, "besides I've . . . Got some samples to go study!"_

"_Wait, wait, I'll come with you." Mendel cried._

"_Cool," Randy cooed, "Can I poke him?"_

"_. . . No . . ." Monique chided as she rolled the Ninja off of her, "He might become violent when he wakes up. So I'll carry him, besides, I feel filthy enough as it is anyway."_

* * *

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 6: Nightmare in a "HUG ME" Shirt**

**(Flashback: Orochimaru's Lab: Sasuke's having a nightmare)**

I couldn't really quite get comfortable. With every squirming movement I made, I got myself jabbed in the opposite direction. Tubes with floating subjects in them lined the wall. If I remember the labels were Human Experiments 22, 23, and 24: Flying Gigan**(1)**, Giant Silver Hydra**(2)**, and Megalon**(3)**. Those failed experiments went insane halfway through the transformation process. Yes I knew what Orochimaru had in mind, but my head was still in a drug induced fog. My vision got fuzzy and all the while I'm lying there strapped to a table face to face with the ugliest bug, ever. It was like someone took a fleshy vacuum cleaner and mated it to a grotesque oversized flea. The thing had to be the size of a horse drawn carriage, no double the size actually.

"How would you like to meet my newest specimen?" Orochimaru cooed, if he's going to coo like that again I am so going to shove my foot up his face, "Oh yes, this fire bug**(4)** just drifted up onto the beach before the sound village blew up due to mysterious circumstances."

Ha! If he knew I was using that village for target practice with my chidori training he'd think twice about taking all the hot water from the shower every morning.

"I had someone hack few files for me, from a team called the Humanist Enviromental Analysis Team though really I think their acronyms are just a whole load of phooey. Why should anyone be all goody two shoes in the name of science?"

I attempted a glare. I couldn't believe Orochimaru was actually carrying a conversation without talking about me like I was his own personal toy. Really Orochimaru being friendly goes right up there with Manda wearing lipstick and acting all motherly, that's just wrong. I looked back at the bug who waved it's antennae in my face, ugly thing. I looked back at kabuto getting his cutlery ready with the utmost care. What was this, a barbecue? I thought I made a deal to be a guinea pig not a hood ornament. I should've done the smart thing and fought my way out.

"Well Sasuke seeing as you're still awake we're going to proceed to cross your DNA with that of this little fire bug here since its affinity and yours goes side by side in the power hungry department."

"What?" I squeaked they were going to splice me up with that thing? I struggled against the straps but my brain couldn't make my muscles move. Darn, Kabuto was getting better with his drugs.

"Don't struggle Sasuke-kun it's not like I'm going to put the fire bug's body beneath your head." Orochimaru chuckled, pulling out a chain saw with utmost care as its glinting blades reflected in Orochimaru's golden snake like orbs, "I'm just going make sure you're never the same again. Don't worry! Oh and . . . Don't forget to scream my little Sasuke-Kun."

GYAHHHHHHHHHHHH

* * *

**(Aleutian Islands, Clarity's Point of View)**

"Are you _sure _he's this way Clarity?" Naruto asked; his cerulean eyes shining of fear, hope, and total energy. Either that caffeine boost hadn't left his system yet or the goal of 'get Sasuke' was really making him go haywire.

"Cool it Naruto," I quipped motioning him to chill, "I'm not in charge here remember? Besides you've got to keep a lid on your temper. Remember the last time you almost drown in your own mindscape?" I asked giving Naruto a good poke where the seal laid on his abs that held old Kyuubi in place. Naruto instinctively clutched his stomach.

Bad memories flashed in his narrowed eyes. Sakura put an arm around his shoulder and gave a good squeeze. Naruto squeezed Sakura back. I turned my attention to the flare of Chakra that was spiking like crazy in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I hoped that Sai and Yamato were all right.

"You sure you'll be okay Clarity?" Murray asked as he squeezed my shoulder for the umpteenth time.

"I am, you know I was built to last Murray," I quipped, forced a smile and swallowed a big hunk of worry coming back up the pipes, "The one I'm worried about is Sasuke. He doesn't quite seem like himself anymore."

* * *

**(Aboard what is Left of the H.E.A.T. Seeker, 3****rd**** Person Point of View)**

A blast of flames erupted from the lab as Randy and Monique high tailed it. Sasuke's maniacal chuckling echoed throughout the premises. Nick was busy flipping through a now slime free, "bingo book" when the explosion happened. Elsie grabbed a chair to keep from slipping. Mendel clutched onto the shoulders of Elsie.

BWOOOOOOSSSSHHHHH

BOOM

"Whoa what's going on?" Nick snapped snapping the book shut. Randy and Monique burst through the doors.

"Our flying ninja just so happens to be our mystery mutation." Monique panted, her lungs burned with the effort to breathe.

"Hey Jefe as much fun as it is be reading," Randy joked forcing a chuckle, "What're we going to-"

BOOM

". . . Do . . ."

Nick flipped through the pages of the book. Unknown graphs flitted before his eyes. The questions of Taijutsu, Genjutsu, and Ninjutsu ran through his mind. Again he snapped the book shut. Nick motioned to call his team to huddle together.

BOOM

. . . It was too loud to say "listen up" anyway.

"Okay our mutant ninja is not just a mutation," Nick murmured, "He goes by the name Sasuke Uchiha and he's a rogue ninja who betrayed his village two or three years ago to join someone named Orochimaru."

"Orochimaru is a high class criminal known for human experiments." Monique interjected, "He's one of them?" All eyes fell to Monique, her nervous glance betrayed herself. Luckily Nick just continued on not noticing Monique knew more than she let on.

"Well whatever he is we need to capture him alive." Nick stated, "It's not going to be any different than last time though I'm surprised he's able to do this much damage under the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder **(5)**."

"What do you expect us to do," Elsie snapped, "ground him to his room and take away his sword?"

"Ah . . . I-I have a . . . Idea," Mendel breathed with a sigh not believing what he was saying; "The lab may be damaged but maybe if we were able to detain him. Maybe we could find a solution to his insomniac hallucinations."

* * *

**(Aleutian Islands, Clarity's Point of View)**

"Urgh, Sasuke, where could you be hiding?" I snapped under my breath. Sai and Yamato looked at me like I grew an extra head or something.

"What a troublesome drag," Shikamaru scoffed, "You know Clarity when you don't have your coffee, your little talent dealing with places and people tends to be touch and go half the time."

"Well he's out there!" I pointed and suddenly felt like such an idiot. I might as well say I'm Nar-nar and I like pretty giraffes.

"Yeah but you already told us that for the bazillion time already!" Naruto whined as he ran along on the water like a sugar hyped mental patient. "Good grief you're the only blood hound we got! Couldn't you be I don't know part pointer or something?"

WA-BAM

SPLISH-SPLISH-SPLISH

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled before boxing his ears, making him bounce across the water, "Cannit!"

I couldn't help but be amazed. Something Naruto said in his crazed state made sense; _bloodhound_. I couldn't tell where Sasuke was. His chakra signal was moving. What was he on a boat or something? Common sense suddenly jolted my foggy brain. Of course, no wonder Naruto's last statement made sense. I know I'm no super-sniffer but I had a good idea who is.

"Oh Jira, Shogi sweetie," I crooned, sounding like _such_ a _mom_, "Your Papa and I want to ask something of you."

* * *

**(Meanwhile aboard the Heat Seeker 3****rd**** Person Point of View)**

"Monique, Randy Hold him down!" Nick ordered, his hands pressed firmly on the ninja's shoulders. Monique and Randy each grabbed an arm and tugged him onto the table. Sasuke thrashed and kicked. Mendel kept dodging a flying foot to the face while trying to gather samples. Elsie had a pair of tweezers handy to trying to get a black scale out from under his cuticle. No such luck.

"Any . . . way to . . . hold him . . ." Elsie began.

WHAMMO

Monique flipped Sasuke with a flick of her wrist and slammed his torso to the table. He mewled out his pain and frustration as tears rolled unconsciously down a sticky face. Eyes squeezed shut, Sasuke cracked one eye open. Unfamiliar faces started blurring into view. He growled and glared.

"Who the hells are you!" He sneered.

CRACK

Monique tugged his arm further backward almost breaking his shoulder out of its socket. Sasuke lurched back but Monique held firm.

". . . Ow," He monotonly spoke showing no outward signs of pain but inside his nerves were screaming! Monique let up a little but not enough for Sasuke's lips to stop twitching in agony.

"Monique, Monique that's enough!" Nick shouted, "You can let go now he's just a kid not a monster."

"You may think he's just a kid," Monique hissed, "but I _know_ aboutthis boy. One of these days your trusting naïveté will spell disaster."

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) **Flying Gigan-I wanted to find at least three of the ugliest mutations from the Godzilla series and have them float in tanks as bizarre Human cross mutation experiments. This one was in the intro to Godzilla the series. If you google up the image you will find an ugly thing that looks like a rootabega crossed with a slimy two headed one mouthed pterodactyl. Ugliness at its best I mean worse guaranteed.

**(2) Giant Silver Hydra- **In Episode 123: Shafted, a giant creature of mutated silver was running around excreting liquid silver boogers that spread, oxidized and turned people into silver statues. It is an absolutely hideous thing when you see it. That's all I can say without giving out any spoilers.

**(3) Megalon- **Alas another ugly beauty of a mutation found in the intro. It's like you crossed a goblin with a giant humanoid worm.

**(4) Fire Bug-**This guy was found in an oil well by the HEAT Team and it almost blew up their lab due to mysterious circumstances. It likes natural fossil feuls, fire and taking leisurely walks along the beach where it can attack any oil well in the Gulf of New Mexico, USA.

**(5) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder-**This is a disorder where anyone who suffers any trauma will relive that trauma via really bad memories that come up as hallucinations. Kind of like virtual reality gone insane.


	7. Crazy in a HUG ME Shirt

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

* * *

I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards he size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

**Poll Notice:** I have a poll on my profile that has something to do with the storyline. It's another twist and I really hope for some votes or reviews.

**Note to Reviewer TTrunks:** The series I'm using is not the seventies version but the nineties version that stars the 1993 Tristar version of Godzilla, This is the one that used to appear on Fox. Now about the only place it can be found is You Tube.

**********************************

* * *

**

******************************(What happened so far ****Aboard the H.E.A.T. Seeker, Third Person Point of View)**

_WHAMMO_

_Monique flipped Sasuke with a flick of her wrist and slammed his torso to the table. He mewled out his pain and frustration as tears rolled unconsciously down a sticky face. Eyes squeezed shut, Sasuke cracked one eye open. Unfamiliar faces started blurring into view. He growled and glared._

_"Who the hells are you!" He sneered._

_CRACK_

_Monique tugged his arm further backward almost breaking his shoulder out of its socket. Sasuke lurched back but Monique held firm._

_". . . Ow," He monotonly spoke showing no outward signs of pain but inside his nerves were __screaming__! Monique let up a little but not enough for Sasuke's lips to stop twitching in agony._

_"Monique, Monique that's enough!" Nick shouted, "You can let go now he's just a kid not a monster."_

_"You may think he's just a kid," Monique hissed, "but I know about this boy. One of these days your trusting naïveté will spell disaster."_

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style

* * *

**********************************Chapter 7: Crazy in a "HUG ME" Shirt**

**********************************

* * *

**

(Aboard the HEAT Seeker or what's left of it, Sasuke's Point of View)

What a way to wake up from a nightmare! Not even I remember all the things that happened to me under Orochimaru's training

(1). I don't know, maybe my mind put that entire trauma into my subconscious so that I didn't go crazy from all the stuff that happened to me. The same phenomena happened when I witnessed the massacre of my entire clan when I was 8. Itachi had me witness him killing my whole family over and over for three, three days, thanks to that blasted Tsukuyomi Genjutsu (2)! Than everything was a big blank until bedtime and the nightmares (shivers) those nightmares were _awful_. I hadn't had a nightmare like that in a long time.

My vision faded into focus but instead of a candlelit lab, I was on a boat surrounded by ninja . . . correction . . . civilians from Clarity's country (3) obviously. A red head, a chubby blonde, some kid older kid Hispanic I believe, a brunette, and my broken arm was . . .

'_Gahhhhh' _I mentally wailed as I bit back the pain. My broken arm was being wrenched out of its sockets by some Dragon Lady in a purple shirt! My shoulders on fire!

"Who the hells are you?" I heard myself hiss at these people, that wasn't me. I don't hiss like some cockroach. Okay, it was me if the one already yanking my arm out of its socket proved that true enough.

"You may think he's just a kid," Dragon Lady hissed, "but I know about this boy. One of these days your trusting naïveté will spell disaster." Dragon Lady was yelling at the Brunette, lots of the kunochi (4) I know would probably have dogged this guy for his "handsome" looks. He had this good guy vibe emanating from him but to me he seemed like a dork, married to his job if you like the rumpled clothes look, and a total geek. Hmmm, I wonder if it's possible to shove him into a locker and throw said locker out to sea. Nope, he's a tad too tall.

SNAP

"Ahh," I whimpered, sure I'm an Uchiha and Uchihas don't whimper but after getting two broken limbs, thrown by a little lizard, eaten by a big lizard and still having that blasted putrid pink HUG ME sweatshirt on while my whole entire being is drenched in drool, dirt, and . . . things. I couldn't take it anymore! I deserved to curl up around my broken arm as much as my broken leg would let me. Oh yeah that'd be the day the day I say please and thank you for giving up everything to gain nothing. I pressed my dislocated shoulder against the wall regardless of the goggling faces in the room.

I didn't expect the brunette to place a ginger hand upon my good shoulder and proceed to help me; very foreign feeling. It had no desire, no camaraderie at all, just that random kindness. I'm so used to having everything mean something. I'm not used to some idiot scratch that _civilian _suddenly kneel down out of nowhere like he cares. He attempts to help me but I shove him away, I may have a broken arm and leg but I can stand just fine. Even if said attempt to stand involves falling, cussing in a foreign language causing that Hispanic kid to laugh his head off (Dragon Lady punched him in the gut) and me trying to use a rolling chair to prop myself up. What's so funny about me falling all over myself on a chair with wheels? Maybe it could be the fact I'm on a boat and the chair rolled out from under me. That brunette was bound and determined to help me up but Dragon Lady scooped me up. She unceremoniously dumped me on the table.

THUD

"Geez French Fry a little rough much?" The Red Head retorted as she stocked up samples in milk white cupboards, "Sasuke's just a teenage kid, Monique. It's not like he's going to wreck the boat."

As if the Red Head's words couldn't be proven more wrong. Sunbeams played peek-a-boo in the yard long holes above deck. A piece of the poop deck got blown off leaving a wafty breeze through the place to my left where the guys were leaning over a radar and jabbering in big words that I have no idea what they mean. I only speak enough English to not sound stupid but this was ridiculous. I'm the one considered insane in a crowd of idiots and geeks and a long time ago _I_ was considered the sane one in the group.

"He already did Elsie," Monique the Dragon Lady growled, "Sasuke may be a kid but he's a monster and I will not let the H.E.A.T. team adopt another . . ." Monique looked my way before saying it loud enough for everyone to hear. "I will not let the H.E.A.T team adopt another Mutation besides Godzilla."

KRSH

The crash of a broken beaker filled the heavy silence. I laid there in the middle of the room. I hate drama. My whole life's been one dramatic complication after another. How could one more hurt? What did they mean by Godzilla? Good Grief if I hear the word "adopt" one more time I might as well _go_ insane. I couldn't help but smile at the one idea guaranteed to make my day. Payback; its fun yet cruel.

" Ladies," I answered just to break up the moment, "On the Aleutian islands are a pair of twins stronger than I am and they're guarded by a mutant fox ninja called the Kyuubi no Kitsune, or Nine Tailed Fox."

**********************************

* * *

**

**(Meanwhile Along the Pacific Ocean 3****rd**** Person Point of View)**

WAAH-CHOO

"Bless you," called Sai watching the gaggle of ninjas running along the water as Naruto and the twins simultaneously sneezed. Sakura and Sai exchanged a look. The Twin Lizards' Brown and Black heads slowly resurfaced on the water. Waves parted ways in the silent stream of wind running between their ears.

"I wonder," Yamato asked, "Who could be talking about you?"

"WHO CARES!" Naruto roared, "SASUKE READY OR NOT HERE WE COME Dattebayo!"

"GRAWR," Shogi roared in agreement.

"Dattebayo," Jira cheered having no idea what anyone was saying.

************************************

**

* * *

**

(Likewise, Near the Aleutian Coastline; Clarity's Point of View)

My back was killing me but hey, the pain was worth it. The sun hadn't even nestled itself into the tree line and yet here we were with all our camping stuff sealed away amazingly into one itty bitty bag ready to go; wonder of sealing scrolls coolest thing yet. Murray volunteered to get the pack off my back as we ran the rest of the way up the cliff wall and back down the mountain.

"Clarity you look like you're gonna collapse," Shikamaru intoned, "If you don't slow down you will get overexhausted." Yeah Shikamaru can be kind of sweet but when it's fifty below along the beach even he gets cranky.

"Bleh-choo," I sneezed and wiped my nose on my pink parka sleeve, "C'mon Shika I've just got a gut feeling we'll be better off at the coastline. Something big is coming I can just feel it!"

"Nah someone might start talking bad about you really," Murray scoffed, "You've been sneezing since we left camp."

"I have not!" I quipped, "BLEH-CHOO!"

"Gee thanks," Shikamaru drawled wiping the nose spray off his face, "And you so have been sneezing too."

"Sorry about that and so what," I sniffed, "I BLAME THE COLD."

************************************

**

* * *

**

**(Back on the HEAT Seeker Sasuke's Point of View)**

The women's jaws dropped. I loved my plan for sweet revenge already. No, I wasn't going to have everyone die. Otherwise where would the fun be? The twins kind of grew on me and Naruto's lucky enough to survive. What are a few bullet holes in his stomach going to do to him anyway?

"They're holding a couple of civilians, hostage. Oh did I forget to mention an ugly pink haired mutation, a plant based mutation, and another mutation that's a painting piece of rice paper?" I mused, knowing that this would instantly sic themselves all over those annoying ninjas on the island. I know they changed but Ninjas hate confrontation and Clarity hates being rescued. I lay back down to sleep with sweet dreams of the chaos soon to come.

************************************

****

**

* * *

**

Entertaining Footnotes:This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) Orochimaru's Training:** Orochimaru has been using forbidden jutsus, drugs, experimentation, and just about every other sadistic thing under the sun.

**(2) Tsukuyomi Genjutsu:** This jutsu is something used only with the Uchiha's Mangekyo Sharingan. Whenever anyone falls under eye contact with this jutsu they basically end up being fodder for the cruelest of tortures from the inside out and basically whatever tortures the user wants his victim's mind to experience anyway.

**(3) Clarity's country:** Clarity may have grown up all over the world but her original homeland is still the United States.

**(4) Kunoichi:** female ninja.


	8. Some Mores and a Show

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

**

* * *

(What happened so far****Aboard the H.E.A.T. Seeker, Sasuke's Point of View)**

_The women's jaws dropped. I loved my plan for sweet revenge already. No, I wasn't going to have everyone die. Otherwise where would the fun be? The twins kind of grew on me and Naruto's lucky enough to survive. What are a few bullet holes in his stomach going to do to him anyway?_

"_They're holding a couple of civilians, hostage. Oh did I forget to mention an ugly pink haired mutation, a plant based mutation, and another mutation that's a painting piece of rice paper?" I lied, knowing that this would instantly sic themselves all over those annoying ninjas on the island. I know they changed but Ninjas hate confrontation and Clarity hates being rescued. I lay back down to sleep with sweet dreams of the chaos soon to come._

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 7: Some-Mores and a Show**

**

* * *

(Meanwhile down where NIGEL is usually stored Sasuke's Point of View)**

"I don't know what Sasuke was specifically talking about so I took it upon myself to bring out the usual arsenal of equipment." retorted the stout blonde, Mendel What's-his-face, as he handed the rest of the team, each some kind of gun, a device, and something else. I could barely see over their shoulders while I used their ugly yellow robot for a crutch. I've taken walks in Orochimaru's labs several times and even this stuff Mendel talked about is more technologically advanced than some of the stuff back home. Yet just the thought of the word "home" left me sad, broken and empty. I don't consider Konohagakure my home (just the thought of Naruto's disgusting apartment is bad enough). I don't consider Clarity's art shop a home (I'm only there for free food). I never had a home to begin with so why am I getting depressed now?

"Tch, massacre," I mumbled as it suddenly made sense, thinking of the time my whole family got murdered.

"You say something?" Randy chirped perking up at me.

"hn . . . Nothing . . . Just fine," I sneered to hide my moment of weakness.

"Okay no hay problema, señor 'Me Abrace'**(1)**," Randy teased, slapping my back. I glowered at him; confused by his words. I yearned to destroy that abomination "HUG ME" sweatshirt now. I can take a hint; that's what he's teasing me for. Oh he'll feel my _wrath_.

"Randy, Monique, cover the right," Nick commanded pointing a finger, "Elsie and I will cover the left, Sasuke, Mendel, stay here in what's left of the lab."

"What do you need _me_ to do?" Mendel mewled.

"Mendel," Nick reiterated with a squeeze of his shoulder, "We don't know what triggered Sasuke's PTSD**(2)**. All I do know is a storage closet is the closest thing to not have anything that'd trigger any chronic flashbacks."

"I'm right here you nerd," I scoffed, good grief, do adults always have to make me the third wheel here? I demand to be the center of attention!

"So you're just leaving me here to baby-sit some crazy kid in a storage closet?" Mendel quipped, his voice rising in a pitch I didn't like.

"No, I'm counting on you to keep him from blowing up the ship." Nick deadpanned shouldering his blaster and saying, "Good Luck."

**

* * *

(Aboard the Holey H.E.A.T Seeker, Third Person Point of View)**

"Jira, are you two _sure _Sasuke's in there?" Naruto hissed. Shogi and Jira made a leap, clinging to the side of a forlorn ship with a ferocious face painted on its stern.

"Uh-huh," Jira nodded; her angular black head bobbing zealously, "I threw him right there Papa." Jira proudly pointed indicating the Sasuke shaped hole in the side of the ship. "Now what?"

"Well, now we have someone scout er-I mean-look around to see if anyone's up there." Yamato explained slowly, still not believing he was explaining everything word for word to two giant baby lizards.

"Oh Okay," Jira beamed.

Jira whipped out her long black tail. She pulled poor Sakura up atomic wedgie style. Sakura, outraged, flung a feeble kick. Jira twisted and flung Sakura up deck. The poor kunoichi landed with a crash. A string of profanities echoed in the dark. The lizard twins tilted their heads simultaneously. Their ears picking up every word, Sakura said.

"Errrr?" Shogi asked.

"Papa," Jira translated, "What's an uzai**(3)**?"

BAM BAM BAM BAM

P-CHING

SHANNAROO

"iie don't go asking that, Dattebayo!" Naruto screamed over the onslaught of fists and gunfire, "We need to move! Now!"

**

* * *

(Back on the Aleutian Coastline; Clarity's Point of View)**

A gale of blasts erupted on the ship across from the sea. It was Shuriken and Kunai versus Gun Shot and laser fire lighting up the night sky. Scores of inked beasts coming down upon some lady in a baggy green sweatshirt. Sakura went toe to toe with a French-Vietnamese beauty who kept quietly out of reach. One Spanish kid was making use of the waves of Yamato's Water Style Jutsu while Naruto and the twins dove below ship, scaring some poor blonde fat guy off his swiveling wheeled chair. So if any of you are wondering how I got such a good view of all this chaos, worry no more, because the mega-zoom accessory works wonders into turning my DSLR camera into an impromptu telescope.

"Some-Mores?" Murray asked, offering a gooey marshmallow treat.

"Ah sure Murray Thank you," I chirped, as I took the treat from his hand. Grahm cracker boxes, chocolate bars, and marshmallows laid aligned on an extra camp chair beside Shikamaru who was rubbing the bridge of his nose to stave off the oncoming headache. Murray happily took a stick and went back to roasting marshmallows.

"Tell me why," Shikamaru almost groaned, "Why do you go to the troublesome hassle of making Some-mores while our friends are out there risking life and limb."

"Weh yah see Shi-hah-ah-roo," I explained, but forgot my mouth was full, "Inste Ah ish 'itting a-houn. Ah ish looking at hah battah fell to find Sauce-gay Oh-hee-haw. Nah oose doing it on an empty stomah.**(4)**"

"Say what?" Shikamaru blabbed.

"She's looking for Sasuke," Murray retorted as though understanding me was second nature, "Do you want a Some-More?"

"Some more what?" Shikamaru asked.

"Do you want a Some-More?"

"Some more what?"

"Do you want _this_." Murray beamed shoving a S'more in Shikamaru's face. Shikamaru flailed trying to get that evil gooey atrocity away from him. I could hear the two yowling like cats and dogs. Shikamaru moaning a "what a drag" here and a "troublesome" there while Murray openly used that Some-More like a sword keeping Shikamaru at bay. I adjusted the mega zoom lense on my camera only to catch a familiar glint of brunette hair. I adjusted the zoom. There was definitely someone on that boat I hadn't seen in a long; _long_ time.

**

* * *

Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)no hay problema, señor 'Me Abrace'-** Spanish for "no problem, Mr. 'Hug Me'"

**(2)PTSD- **Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (A/N: Hey Sasuke was with a 50 year old psycho scientist! Who says that doesn't scar you for life?)

**(3)Uzai- **Japanese word for "pain in the buttocks".

**(4)What was Clarity saying? Translation: **"Well you see Shikamaru, instead of just sitting around, I am looking at the battlefield to find Sasuke Uchiha. No use doing it on an empty stomach." (A/N: Now we all know why Clarity rarely talks with her mouth full. :D)

**

* * *

Author's Note**: I hope I'm keeping the character's in character but to have Sasuke play the Brooding Brat around the H.E.A.T Team was just too funny an idea. I just had to do it. I just wish I got this chapter up sooner! I was so busy tweaking, but I want to make sure that my readers get my best from me because they deserve the best. Rate, review and have a good time because the feedback from you guys is always welcome.


	9. Guess Who?

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

**

* * *

(What happened so far)**

"_Weh yah see Shi-hah-ah-roo," I explained, but forgot my mouth was full, "Inste Ah ish 'itting a-houn. Ah ish looking at hah battah fell to find Sauce-gay Oh-hee-haw. Nah oose doing it on an empty stomah."_

"_Say what?" Shikamaru blabbed._

"_She's looking for Sasuke," Murray retorted as though understanding me was second nature, "Do you want a Some-More?"_

"_Some more what?" Shikamaru asked._

"_Do you want a Some-More?"_

"_Some more what?"_

"_Do you want this." Murray beamed shoving a S'more in Shikamaru's face. Shikamaru flailed trying to get that evil gooey atrocity away from him. I could hear the two yowling like cats and dogs. Shikamaru moaning a "what a drag" here and a "troublesome" there while Murray openly used that Some-More like a sword keeping Shikamaru at bay. I adjusted the mega zoom lens on my camera only to catch a familiar glint of brunette hair. I adjusted the zoom. There was definitely someone on that boat I hadn't seen in a long; __long __time. _

**

* * *

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 9: Guess Who?**

**

* * *

(In a random storage closet, Sasuke's Point of View)**

"Grrrrr Mendel," I growled aloud banging atop the Janitor's closet door, "Mendel! Let me out! What's going on!"

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG

SHANNAROOOOOO!

KER-SMASH BASH

KER-RASH

PEW PEW PEW PEW

KER-SMASH SMASH

PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW

"Mommy!" Mendel shouted and that was the last I heard from him.

Great that sounded like the next Great Ninja War outside. Yes, I started this mess but I wanted to be around to see Naruto get his butt kicked. Don't blame me I've been around Psychopathic Criminals for too long. I smashed my broken leg into a bucket, a box, and some kind of box of foreign junk food I think Randy had called _"Twinkies." _I don't know why people like those _"Twinkies". _They're just jet puffed sponge cake on a nasty piece of card board to keep the cream filling from spilling out of it. I hate sweets anyway. I tossed the . . . _"Twinkies" _. . . aside with my good hand. Actually on second thought I needed to prop my leg up. What better thing to use than a box of nasty _"Twinkies?"_

**

* * *

(Aboard the Holy HEAT Seeker, 3rd**** Person Point of View)**

Nick stood poised, back turned against wall. He held his breath every time some pink haired girl swung her fist and bashed a piece of the boat away where Monique's head should've been. He gasped at every wake of water came out of nowhere, every drawing that came alive, and felt his heart stop when he saw a baby Godzilla no taller than him in copper colors in the moonlight. The little Lizard sniffed the air. Nick's head was repeating the one mantra he had been thinking for weeks ever since that Giant Slug attacked Denver Stadium and left that bingo book in his lab.

_. . . This isn't real . . ._

_. . . This isn't real . . ._

_. . . This isn't real . . ._

_. . . Oh Please God send me a logical scientific sign!_

/HIYA KIDS THIS IS ELMO! PICK UP THE PHONE THIS IS ELMO CALLING. ELMO WANTS TO SAY HE LOOOOOOVES YOU!/

"Hello Joel Haas' cell phone, Nick Tatopolis speaking," spoke Nick in a crisp clear voice before he realized, this was the cell phone Sasuke had when he got spit up on the ship, "I mean . . . Gah, May I take a message."

"Nick?" The voice sounded absurdly familiar, almost like the ding-ding of a dinner bell, asking, "Nickels**(1)** is that you?"

"Spitball**(2)**?" Nick declared dropping the phone.

SHINK

He bent down to pick up the phone. A kunai embedded itself where his head should've been. Nick decided it was best to stay down low. He just couldn't believe his luck. He slumped his blaster by the door.

"I haven't heard from you in ages! Where were you this time? China, Japan, I thought you were stuck doing that Hot Dog Stand on Coney Island!" spoke Nick, pacing around, completely forgetting the war zone going on around him.

**

* * *

(Back on the Aleutian Islands, Spitball A.K.A Clarity's Position)**

"Nick, how many times do I have to say it, I'm only at those jobs from one week to a day . . . Tops." I spoke, My camera safely dangling in my other hand. The thing can get pretty heavy after a while. Shikamaru was busy wiping chocolate and Marshmallow off his chuunin vest. He rolled his eyes as I kept chatting, "You know the last time I saw you was when you were out on a boat at least a few hundred more or less miles from where I'm sitting."

I took a look at the screen just in time to take a wonderful picture of my old college buddy's drop jawed face. Yes, I went to college with Nick Tatopolis. We used to take psychology together. I helped him with his research. He helped me in my pranks. The last prank we ever did together was stick earthworms in the cafeteria's corned beef hash at school. Too bad the Health Inspector got to eat it (so did Camryn Winters**(1)** but he's a dork). That's how I ended up serving hot dogs at Coney Island as well as gross a bunch of tourists out when Nick and I got to talking about what's actually in a hot dog anyway.

"That's it," I heard Shikamaru murmur, his hands flashing through the Jutsu hand signs, his dark eyes gleaming evilly, "Keep him talking Clarity just keep talking and this whole troublesome battle is over."

"What's over?" exclaimed Nick, "Who's holding you hostage! Hello? Hello?"

The question Nick spoke over the phone was never answered. A piece of the night sky rose from the ocean that day. Square jaw, glowing orange eyes. I knew I saw this dude on Good Morning America somewhere. It was on every news station we went to whenever Naruto kept complaining about nothing good on Television. So I quizzed him every time he got bored. Still I couldn't figure out what that was!

"Is that a Mutant Wart?" I asked, Shikamaru groaned about having his concentration ruined. He started again going through the motions twice as fast as before.

"Yay!" Murray cheered, "It's Gooooodzillaaaaaa! Can you autograph my underpants?"

GRRRRRAWWWWWWRRRRR

Godzilla's roar echoed through the ground yet stopped. A glance down told me the whole story. A thin thread of shadow went past me and froze Godzilla where he stood. Oh but it did not stop there. That shadow thread thickened with the use of Godzilla's shadow and swaggered it's way to the boat. Everything mid-air or not was set in Freeze Frame onboard the boat. Sai washed in ink vs. the Red Head who looked ready to duck and roll. Sakura and that French-Vietnamese beauty were ready for the Final Punch. The Spanish Kid and Yamato fell flat on their backs. Naruto and the fat blonde guy were arguing. The Water droplets even froze in mid-air.

". . . Wow . . ." Murray whispered, Wow was right, where did Shikamaru even find the chakra to do something so amazing!

"Shikamaru I've got to hand it to ya," I gave him a reassuring smack on the back, "You're an absolute genius."

"S-s-s-somebody had to stop the BOAT! . . The boat . . . The boat . . ." Shikamaru yelled suddenly, "I WANT OUTTA HERE!" I thought he was yelling from agitation, turned out he had the same symptoms as Naruto after. . .

I scrambled through the camp stuff. The only things gone were the S'mores, my coffee, _all _of my coffee, and a whole bag of Sakura's soldier pills. Shikamaru was grinning like a mad man. His incessant giggling coming off him in waves. I couldn't believe it. Shikamaru was showing the early stages of an overdose on caffeine.

**

* * *

Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)Nickels- **Nick's embarrassing college nickname. He worked the small tale jobs that benefited people instead of the high paying jobs Cameron works at. Clarity uses this nickname as a term of endearment.

**(2)Spitball-**Clarity's college nickname for the hassle she gave people. She used to react to it like she reacts to the word Harpy. However Spitball was just another word for Clarity's mean streak.

**(3) Cameron Winters- **He used to go to college at the same school as Nick Tatopolis. Clarity also took a few classes there. Cameron hates Nick and runs a multi-billion dollar weapons making business called Solstice. He once tried to clone Godzilla and has used him for target practice testing his latest weapons on him before selling these weapons to the highest bidder. Clarity however also took a few classes with him and calls him nothing but a dork since he reminds her of many mean adults she's seen come and go through orphanages.

**

* * *

Author's Note:** O_O Okay that was a twist. I've heard of Shino on Prozac. Let's see how Shikamaru is when he's hyper.


	10. Interlude: Long Trip

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**

* * *

Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

**

* * *

(What happened so far, Clarity's Point of View)**

"_S-s-s-somebody had to stop the BOAT! . . The boat . . . The boat . . ." Shikamaru yelled suddenly, "I WANT OUTTA HERE!" I thought he was yelling from agitation, turned out he had the same symptoms as Naruto after. . . _

_I scrambled through the camp stuff. The only things gone were the S'mores, my coffee, all of my coffee, and a whole bag of Sakura's soldier pills. Shikamaru was grinning like a mad man. His incessant giggling coming off him in waves. I couldn't believe it. Shikamaru was showing the early stages of an overdose on caffeine. _

**

* * *

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Interlude: A Looooooong Trip**

**(Aboard the Heat Seeker, Sasuke's Point of View)**

A stroke of genius for years to come. Who was the dude who stopped the boat? Shikmaru, and what is he doing? He's singing his head off..

"_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!_

_Heroes in a half shell!"_

"TURTLE POWER!" Shikamaru boomed, his voice outrageously loud according to my recently sensitive hearing. Shikamaru was up on the railing of the HEAT Seeker, dancing on the balls of his feet while singing some song about Turtles. Last time I heard that song, Itachi was singing it in the bathroom using his hairbrush for a microphone and that was _eons_ ago. Now Murray joined in and they were doing a can-can dance starboard. At least he was able to find me a proper crutch, finally, having two broken limbs and a dislocated shoulder is a pain.

"What has gotten into him?" I skeptically asked Mendel, "I mean for as long as I've known him he's been lazy and scowling."

"It must've been the endorphins from the chocolate used in the S'mores." Mendel observed from his hiding space, "Otherwise he's experiencing the usual symptoms from a caffeine overdose and sugar rush."

I could only roll my eyes at him, Nerds, always nerdy.

"Wheeeeeeeee!" the hyper squealed, rolling around on an office chair. It was then and only then Mendel crawled out from under his hiding place. He dived under an examination table the moment the Lizard Twins went to romping with the ugly yellow robot NIGEL (Hn, yellow? no stealth potential whatsoever). They were still playing an immature Tug of War game over their newfound toy.

"Back off Shogi it's mine!" Jira whined.

"Rrrrrrrr," Shogi growled.

"Mine!"

"Grawr!"

"Mine!"

"Grawr!"

"Miiiiiiiinnnnne!"

"Graooooorrrrrr!"

"Leggo a me Dattebayo!" yelled NIGEL causing the twins to drop him. Randy was giggling in a corner, with a microphone attached to his little laptop. When did Randy get the robot to speak Dobe?

"Oh no the robot ate papa!" Jira keened, when Naruto was obviously laughing his head off right behind them the twins are already taking after their 'Papa' I loathe the day they'll take after their 'Okaasan', "Papa! We'll save you Papa!"

RIP

SCREE

CRASH

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh," NIGEL screamed as the Twins pulled the poor robot apart.

"NIGEL No-o-oo!" Mendel panicked, but too late. That little robot was nothing but bright yellow scrap metal between the Idiot Twin's clutches.

"Oh well," Mendel shrugged with a resigned sigh as if this happened often. He gathered up enough courage to approach the twins who waited patiently for something to happen. Mendel started fingering through the rubble.

"Well this part's broke, this part's garbage, this part's fixable . . . I think."

**

* * *

(Inside the Ship Steering Area; 3rd**** person point of view)**

"So you tied the knot with Audrey yet?" Clarity asked right off the bat.

"What? No! No, no," Nick quipped defensively, "I haven't even purchased a ring yet."

"That's not what I heard from the 'Magic Hot Dog Stand' in front of Chuck E. Cheese's." Monique muttered, causing Nick to turn sixty shades of crimson. His hand still clutched that old Daimond Ring he kept in his pocket for years. The one, he knew he was going to give Audrey during the romantic cruise before the giant Turtle attacked. Sure, Monique wasn't the friendliest person in the group, but she loved to ribbed Nick just as much as everyone else on the HEAT Team.

"Ah I knew it!" Clarity cheered, "All these years and you still hold a candle for the lady. I knew you'd still had feelings for her."

"If feelings include getting yelled at while appearing apologetic then yes, he still as you say, "holds a candle for the lady"." Monique answered in light of Nick's shock and the rare time he took to produce a scowl upon his face.

"Aside from how you found out about my little . . . Date." Nick quipped.

"Animal, shared his video."

"I would like to know a little more about Sasuke. Tell me anything you know Clarity, sleeping habits, eating habits, how long he's been suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So I can figure out anything out of the ordinary." phrased Nick. Clarity narrowed her eyes at him.

"Nick, what is this about?" She warned, "Cause if you ever, _ever,_ treat my friends like Guinea pigs. I'll gladly knock your block off and kick you where the sun don't shine."

"Whoa whoa Spitball relax," Nick beamed, "As fascinating as it is to study a human mutation, I think whatever procedure he underwent has been affecting his mind and body structure in more ways than one."

"True, he's been acting weird, too emotional to be his usual icy self. What's your guesstimate of the affects Nick?" Clarity asked.

SPTOOCK

AHHHHHH

SPLOOOOOOSHHHHH

Monique swung the wheel so hard the HEAT Seeker nearly capsized. Clarity grabbed on to Nick. Nick grabbed on to Elsie who was bringing NIGEL aboard in a box. Mendel grabbed onto Clarity as the HEAT Seeker went flying along the top of the Pacific ocean at a perfect 45 degree angle. Everybody and everything slid to the side except the ninjas. The Ninjas pumped Chakra into their feet to stay grounded. The lizard Twins however couldn't do this and grabbed onto Yamato for dear life. Yamato lost his footing. The trio fell in with a splash.

"Yamato-Taichou, Shogi-kun, Jira-chan," Sakura yelped running to peer over the edge of the boat, "Are you three alright?"

UNNNNNN

A chorus of groans became the trio's reply. Shogi had his tail wrapped around Jira's scrawny black chest. His claws dug into Yamato's thick green vest. His teeth latched onto the Sasuke shaped hole on the side of the boat. Shogi's kyuubi red eyes were a double whammy of cuteness saying, "Lend me a hand will you, I'm dying down here."

**

* * *

(Back in the steering room, Clarity's Point of View)**

Okay it goes like this, here I am having a fine and dandy chat with Nick catching up on old times. Also getting to know the French Vietnamese beauty a little more besides the fact Sasuke just dubbed her "Doragon-obasan.**(1)**" She hasn't shown any emotion at all besides the kill joy attitude, the info spewing attitude, and the don't-mess-with-me-I'll-kick-yo-honey-buns glare. She wasn't what I envisioned a spy to be but hey, at least she's personable and oh boy Nick still squirms when I ask him dopey questions. He hasn't changed a bit.

What did change was the Boat nearly blowing over! Man almost overboard! Man almost overboar! Man, when did Sasuke get stuck to the window? Monique saw Sasuke, panicked, and swerved the boat just like one would swerve a car to avoid hitting deer.

"Monique, quit freaking out it's only Sasuke!" Nick quipped, "Who let him out of the storage closet!"

I grabbed my camera upon impulse and started snapping pictures. A little red dot went right down Sasuke's nose. He crossed his eyes spotting the laser pointer. His eyes flashed alazarian crimson for a short second there. Looked like Kakashi's Sharingan**(2)** eye yet different. It had a bright canary yellow cross in the center of the Tomoe where his pupils should be. His eyes darted around at the laser pointer. Freaky sight too, as if his eyes were neon lights or something. Well he did get crossed with a bug so something had to screw his D.N.A up. I kept snapping pictures of him scuttling across the window when he got tackled by a bright orange blur with Saran wrap in his hands.

"OH NO YOU DON'T TEME! YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY YOU'RE GOING HOME!" Naruto screamed. Sasuke tried to kick but the casts proved too great a burden. Naruto had successfully cocooned Sasuke in a heap of plastic.

"eh-heheheheheheh," Shikamaru was giggling his head off.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing?" I asked, "I thought you were off singing Ninja Turtles off the poop deck."

"I let Sasuke out ages ago," Shikamaru beamed, "I mean c'mon he looks like such a drag following a stupid laser pointer. Heh-heh Sucker Sasuke."

Sasuke scrunched up his face as if he were just starting to awake before screaming, "WHO WRAPPED ME UP IN PLASTIC! Dobe when I get out of here it's going to be up yours with a rubber hose Loser."

Naruto triumphantly grinned and poked Sasuke in the forehead with an index finger crowing, "Meh, not so tough now huh, Teme?"

"You bast-"

"Alright enough enough," Elsie prattled standing between the two young men who proceeded to argue. One, Naruto, being proud he finally beat Sasuke and the other, Sasuke, yelling death threats while flopping around helplessly like a fish on dry land, "If you boys don't settle down. I'm going to put you-" She pointed to Naruto, "in a corner. You-" She pointed to Shikamaru, "I'll put to work, no more coffee for you, and you-" She gently nudged Sasuke with her foot. "I'll. See. You. In. The. Laaaaaab. That is not normal behavior for a boy your age. Either all three of you shape up or ship out."

I couldn't believe what I was catching on film. All three boys shut their sixteen year old mouths and bowed their heads like obedient five year old kids. Shikamaru plodded up to put the laser pointer into Elsie's waiting hand. Naruto went to help Sakura pull Yamato, Shogi, and Jira back onto boat. Sai, somehow got a hold of my cell phone, when I checked my pocket it was gone!

"Sai!" I growled knowing full well what his mission mode mind was telling him, "Don't you dare text that to Tsunade."

"Why not," Sai asked as he pushed buttons one handed, "Tsunade-sama wanted-"

ROAR

The battle cry came as the four of us gained up on Sai with the Saran wrap. Elsie was about to step in when Nick lightly grabbed her shoulder and shook his head. I was too busy wrestling the phone out of Sai's fingers. The beep-beep boop of pictures being deleted off my camera caught my discerned ears. I tugged the box from Naruto and lunged for Monique.

"HANDS OFF MY CAMERA," I heard myself spat over the carnage of a fight involving two girls over a camera.

"Ooooh Cat Fight Cat Fight," cheered Randy as he made a silent bet with Murray, best guess being who beat up whom. I found the laser pointer, turned it on with my teeth, and aimed the little dot right at Monique's nose.

SWOOSH THWOK

Sasuke instinctively lunged for the dot and tackled Monique to the floor. I took a look see through the photos, angered by the fact, SHE DELETED MY BEST ONES OF SASUKE SCUTTLING ACROSS THE WINDOW DANE IT! On second look see she only deleted a couple Sharingan photos. Nick looked over my shoulder at the photos.

"Clarity, what's that?" He asked, pointing to the glowing eyes in the picture. I swallowed a thick tub of guilt. I'm not guilty over fighting Monique for my camera that's past. I just didn't want to regret talking about the personal information concerning Sasuke's Sharingan. Either way it was going to be a looooong trip.

**

* * *

Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)Doragon-obasan: **Sasuke just dubbed Monique "Dragon-Lady" in his native tongue.

**(2)Sharingan: **Doujutsu Kekkei Genkai of the Uchiha clan. It's a move copier where the eyes can see movement at an accelerated rate. So who likes the idea of Sasuke chasing a laser pointer.

**

* * *

Author's Note:** Note to self, No more coffee for Shikamaru. Whelp that ends the first story arc of Kaiju Chaos. Now let's unleash this gang on New York City. :D


	11. The Horror of Sweetness

**Summary:** The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**

* * *

**

Disclaimer:

I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. I just write this for fun and entertainment.

**

* * *

**

(What happened so far, Clarity's Point of View)

"_Ooooh Cat Fight Cat Fight," cheered Randy as he made a silent bet with Murray, best guess being who beat up whom. I found the laser pointer, turned it on with my teeth, and aimed the little dot right at Monique's nose._

_SWOOSH THWOK_

_Sasuke instinctively lunged for the dot and tackled Monique to the floor. I took a look see through the photos, angered by the fact, SHE DELETED MY BEST ONES OF SASUKE SCUTTLING ACROSS THE WINDOW DANE IT! On second look I could see she only deleted a couple Sharingan photos. Nick looked over my shoulder at the photos._

"_Clarity, what's that?" He asked, pointing to the glowing eyes in the picture. I swallowed a thick tub of guilt. I'm not guilty over fighting Monique for my camera that's past. I just didn't want to regret talking about the personal information concerning Sasuke's Sharingan. Either way it was going to be a looooong trip._

**

* * *

**

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style

**Chapter 11: The Horror of Sweetness**

**

* * *

**

(At a port upon Stanton Island, Clarity's Point of View)

"Wow it's so gorgeous," Sakura whispered to me, "Is this the New York City you keep talking about Clarity. It looks like jewels slung against the night sky."

I nodded my answer. I love the view of Stanton Island at night. The lights of the buildings aglow like stacks of crystallized sugar thrown upon the sea. From what I remember was a place of night clubs, parks, theatre, artwork, street musicians, and waves of big apple history. I didn't know how to explain what New York City felt like. I mean if one lives there only a week they don't think about the things they take for grant it right? I could only tell stories of the place to pass the time, yes another tutoring tactic I used on Naruto but hey who doesn't love a good story? Many of you reading this now can agree with me too right?

Naruto and Sakura were in awe at the view. Shikamaru, after having to work his caffeine crazed hinny off for Elsie was slumped in a chair softly snoring. It was the first time I've ever seen Shikamaru back to his normal sleepy self. Yamato and Sai were hanging back, on the lookout for potential suspiciousness. Myself, however, had a new problem. It involved Sasuke.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, c'mon Sasuke please don't be like this?" I begged, pushing him back with all my might. I might as well be pushing a Mac Truck. As soon as he saw those lights he went crazy! Neon Sharingan**(1)** ablaze, he just launched for the pretty lights. The fiery glow of the curse mark**(2)** slowly snaking across his skin. His face split in half by a Cheshire kitty grin. Hand like wings ripped through the back of his "HUG ME" Sweatshirt while his whole color scheme inverted to a bluish grey skin tone, wild white hair, and blue lips. He glided off the port bow.

"HEELLPP!" I screamed as I felt my feet lose contact with solid ground as soon as I grabbed Sasuke, Naruto grabbed me, Sai grabbed Naruto, Yamato grabbed Sai, and Shikamaru just stood there watching Sakura grab Sai and get carried away by Sasuke. It took all of Sakura's chakra in her feet to keep the people chain holding Sasuke from flying away into the sky.

"Shikamaruuu, DO SOMETHING!" Sakura demanded the lazy ninja staring at her.

"I am, I am," Shikamaru tiredly whined, "I'm thinking."

I could sense Sakura's chakra running low on her right foot as she gave it her all to keep her left big toe grounded. Sakura is definitely no endurance Monster like Naruto. Shikamaru's chakra reserves were running on fumes thanks to caffeine overdose he put himself into. Sasuke, no use contacting him, he looked plastered, lazily flopping mid-air. Was he on crack or something! Yet Shikamaru's bright idea did not include Chakra. Ah no it included nearly five hundred pounds of Bouncy Baby Lizards.

"Shogi, Jira," Shikamaru called, "Catch!"

Right on cue the lizards toddled on board. As soon as they saw their "parents" in trouble, they leaped at Sasuke. Too bad they didn't do the smart thing. They just grabbed onto Naruto and all the ninjas came tumbling down. Except for Shikamaru dumbly staring at all of us as the HEAT team ran on board to check out the commotion.

GRAWR

GYAAAAHHHHH

SPLASH.

"Ack . . . Sput . . . What was that for?" Sasuke sputtered, those casts of his weighed him down fast. Naruto and I each grabbed a wing and hauled Sasuke onto Shogi. Sasuke's curse mark receded and Jira got the bright idea to latch onto the side of the ship. Every overboard swimmer used Jira as a scaly ladder to climb aboard. Well except for Sasuke. Shogi unceremoniously dumped him in a heap.

SQUELCH

"Look I know it's a drag Sasuke," Shikamaru yawned and stretched, boy he was ready for hibernating at this point, "but your little instinctive urges are driving us all nuts."

"Hmph, as if," Sasuke scoffed crossing his arms as best he could, "Since when."

"Hmmmm, oh I don't know," Elsie hummed, "You did go psycho in the lab during your little bout of PTSD the other day."

Another piece of the poop deck falls into the sea.

"Not to mention you've also been having random giggle fits, pigging out on Twinkies when you normally don't eat sweets, and zone out whenever . . . You . . . See . . . Lights. . ." Sai prattled observantly but was cut short by Sasuke's death glare which looks silly when Sasuke has a couple Twinkies shoved in at either end of his mouth.

"I domph remember doing fat." Sasuke grumbled around a mouthful of prepackaged sponge cake.

"Okay then," chuckled Naruto, "Whatever. Oh and Sasuke, wipe your lips."

**

* * *

**

(Aboard the Heat Seeker; Sasuke's Point of View)

I don't know what they're talking about. What do they mean by me driving them nuts? I've always had excellent self control. I'm not going to tell them that I black out occasionally. I'm perfectly capable of handling myself without anyone's help period. I even tell them so; that I don't remember.

"Okay then," mused Naruto with a roll of his eyes, "Whatever. Oh and Sasuke, wipe your lips."

I swiped a thumb across my chin and the most unconventional feeling came over me. I had the sudden urge, to suck my thumb. It sounds stupid now but during the time I decided why not. I licked the cream filling off my chin and by the time I realized what I was doing, I gagged; too sweet! It was too sweet! I hate the taste of sweetness!**(3)** It's like the Cad Berry Bunny™ died in my mouth; YUCK but I'm not going to panic. I'm not going to panic!

"Excuse me, uh Ron-dee," I winced, my accent sounded horrible in English, I'm just embarrassing the Uchiha family name by saying this, "Can I borrow a stick of . . . Gum, please?"

"Huh, oh, oh yeah, sure man, here you go Sasuke," Randy answered tossing me a stick of heaven. I greedily unwrapped it and popped it into my mouth to wash out that nasty taste of sweetness. Yet as I chewed the strange sugary juices in the gum just made the taste staining my mouth even more awful.

"Blek, kuso, what is this nasty rapscallion stuff!" I gasped, and there went my pride straight down the drain. Good thing I curse fluent Japanese.

"Hey if you don't like the gum you should've just said so," Randy quipped, "I mean c'mon what do you have against Juicy Fruit™?"

"Actually, he hates just about anything sweet." Sakura quietly answered in that polite tone of voice she used to use a lot to apologize for when Naruto and I bickered. I gagged feeling like a fish out of water. "I mean Naruto used to chase Sasuke around with candy bars when we were genin. That was the only time I'd ever heard Sasuke scream like a little girl and get stuck in a tree."

"Thanks a lot Sakura," I hissed, "Too much personal information can get a ninja killed."

WHACK

"And not enough information can do the same thing Sasuke!" she snapped, I gave her my best glare. Too bad the "glare" doesn't work anymore. She about put a fist through my face when she dragged me off the boat by my hair and she's still yakking. That's the one thing that hasn't changed about her. She doesn't know when to shut up.

"We have a lot of quality catching up to do and the first thing you're going to have is a good old fashioned check up."

"We don't have a doctor you bossy broad," I merely stated.

Sakura just grinned a cold smile that chilled me to the bone and jerked a thumb to her face saying, "We don't need to get a doctor because I already _am _the doctor! Now march!"

Who would've guessed, Sakura already acts like a Chibi Tsunade. Now all she needs to do is suck her upper lip in and grow a mountainous pair of boobs. I don't really care much for romance. I only want to kill my brother and get out of this awful blasphemy of a "HUG ME" shirt. Though on second thought, maybe I could've spared myself some dignity by not calling her a bossy broad. The only thing that saved me from getting hurled was already broken bones. Instead she manhandles me by putting me over her shoulder and stalks straight after Dragon Lady and the HEAT Team.

**

* * *

**

Entertaining Footnotes:

This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)Neon Sharingan-**The Sasuke in this story inherited a whole new Sharingan thanks to being crossed with the Firebug. Problem is it reacts instinctively which means Sasuke doesn't have control of his kekkai genkai anymore.

**(2)Curse Mark-**This is the gift Orochimaru left Sasuke the day they first met in the forest of death during the chunin exams. All it turned out to be was a dose of power causing Sasuke to come running to him.

**(3)The taste of Sweetness- **Sasuke hates sweets, Itachi likes sweets, Randy can't live for 24 hours without sweets and on a personal note I guess Sasuke just loathes sugar.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Rate, review, enjoy and thank you for stopping on by.


	12. Good Morning America

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**

* * *

Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the now we get to see a hilariously crazy morning from multiple points of view. :D

**

* * *

(What happened so far)**

_Who would've guessed, Sakura already acts like a Chibi Tsunade. Now all she needs to do is suck her upper lip in and grow a mountainous pair of boobs. I don't really care much for romance. I only want to kill my brother and get out of this awful blasphemy of a "HUG ME" shirt. Though on second thought, maybe I could've spared myself some dignity by not calling her a bossy broad. The only thing that saved me from getting hurled was already broken bones. Instead she manhandles me by putting me over her shoulder and stalks straight after Dragon Lady and the HEAT Team._

**

* * *

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 12:Good Morning America **

**

* * *

(The Apartment of Mendel's Parents, Sasuke's Point of View)**

Three days, it has been that long. Three days of poking, proding, and even donating, dare I say it, samples just for these people. They analyze everything! I already told them my sob story nine different times excluding the parts I _don't want _to tell them I.e. the Uchiha Massacre, the time I almost killed Naruto . . . Twice in a row, and the time I had to use the sexy jutsu in order to dress in drag and crash a wedding, I'm never going to look at lingerie the same way ever again.

On the up side Sakura finally took those accursed casts off. I actually get to have a _real _shower. Sponge baths are no substitute for getting immersed in hot water with the shower head set on pound. At least that was the one thing that actually made sense. Unlike the other Ninjas I worked with at the sound village, I actually _liked_ to stay clean. Even if it meant four more days of unholy missions just to please the old snake than at least I could grab the hot water shower before anyone else woke up.

"Sasuke, hey Sasuke are you done getting pretty in there," Naruto yelled and speaking of waking up, Naruto has been pounding at the bathroom door for forty five minutes already. I won the race to the bathroom. "Some of us would like the hot water too, Dattebayo!"

"Fine Fine Naruto," I answered, I took my sweet slow time toweling off, "Don't get your panties in a bind."

Mendel's mother, Mrs. Jill Craven, I learned always liked to keep everything germ free and energy efficient. She had that done to the point that there was an on and off switch**(1)** to the hot water hidden behind the shower curtain. Should I tell him about the switch? I shook my head. I'd been gone for at least four years; the least I could do is be nice to Naruto, only a microscopic smidge worth nice at least.

"Finally," Naruto huffed, walking by in only his underpants. A good look down the hallway confirmed that Naruto stripped off absolutely everything else to get to the shower. The floor had a carpet of his clothes. At least no one was up yet to see anything, especially Clarity who always gets up at three and is wide awake by three fifteen. "Took you long enough Sasuke."

On second thought, I'll show it to Naruto the hard way. Sometimes it's the only way he learns. I flipped the switch as soon as Naruto turned on the hot water. A burst of ice hit him square in the face.

"SSAAASUKEEEEEEEE!" Naruto screamed making the walls thrum with his roar. Clarity was sipping coffee in the living room when she sprayed a bunch of the liquid back in her cup. The entire complex came alive. One neighbor shouted to keep it down while banging a broomstick on his side of the wall. A baby bawled on the other side of the building.

UWAAAAH WAAAAH

SPITTTTT

HEY YOU *_thwok thwok* _KEEP IT DOWN

"Yeah Naruto," I sneered in tandem to the neighbor, "Keep it down!"

"Grrrrr Sasuke when I get my hands on you!" Naruto seethed, "That's it! Eat water Bug Breath! Rasengan!"

**

* * *

(Mr. and Mrs. Craven's Bedroom, Third Person Point of View)**

"SSAAASUKEEEEEEEE!" came the scream from down the hall.

Mrs. Jill Craven, a sweet old lady with a generously full figure frame and silvering blonde hair arose from her quaint sleep just as New York City was getting ready for the day shift. She blinked the sleep from her eyes several times before she remembered what happened day before yesterday. Mendel came jogging to the door, easy feat since they lived down the hall of their apartment complex, and asked very nicely if they could put a few people up for the night. It wasn't everyday they had guests besides the rescued individuals from a local Mutation attack that leveled buildings.

"Oh Jack, Jack honey, let's get up dear. The boys are up already, Jack . . . Oh Jack." Jill crooned. Shaking her shorter slender husband. Jack grabbed a fistful of duvet and rolled the other way.

"Darn grmm rumm morning, can't it wait till afternoon," Jack grumbled. He was never a morning person until he had his coffee. Speaking of which the energizing aroma was already lifting Jack up by his nose. If anything, Jack was one of the only few men in the world that liked milk chocolate coffee.

"Is that what I think I smell?" Jack asked wistfully.

"Oh honey, I swear Mendel doesn't get the absent mindedness from my side of the family," Jill chuckled, "You already know Clarity and her way with people. Besides, weren't you the one that said they could stay over as long as Clarity found that milk chocolate coffee you love so much."

"All right I'm up, I'm up," Jack muttered before declaring, "coffee, coffee, show me the coffee."

**

* * *

(Living Room, Clarity's Point of View)**

I awoke to the sounds of the shower. My cell phone had three oh five displayed on its screen. Okay so, maybe that's a dry way to start the morning. Naruto was pounding on the door obviously in a rush. I took one step out the guest bedroom door when my foot caught the waistline of Naruto's pants.

"Naruto," I called to find him banging on the door with all his might, "Naruto! Get back here! Could you please pick up you're clothes. You're sixteen not four!"

"Sure I'll pick them up," answered the hyper little blonde, "As soon as Sasuke QUITS HOGGING ALL THE HOT WATER!"

I face palmed, thinking what would be worse? The wrath of a host and hostess or having Sasuke and Naruto duke it out in one on one combat. On the flipside if the two duked it out now they'd get it out of their system. On the bad side bye bye bathroom and replacing an entire room is expensive no matter where people go. Yamato put the two biggest bickerers in our group under my care. The least I could do was brave the waters as I picked up every load of laundry Naruto launched on the way to the door.

"Put this where it belongs." I commanded in the tone of voice I've heard Tsunade use many times, which is short, quick, and non negotiable, "And clean up the ninja tools _before_ you start anything."

"But, but Clarity," Naruto whined, "Half of that is . . ."

"No buts no cuts no ramen for lunch," I snapped I shoved what stuff I had into Naruto's arms, "These are New York civilians. I'm not asking you to blend in. I'm asking you to pick up _your_ stuff. It's a common courtesy Naruto. You just keep your area clean and be nice. That's all I'm asking you to do."

"Okay, okay, gaaah I get it. I'll pick up." Naruto quipped, puffing his whisker marked cheeks.

"Oh and please ixna on the injutsuna?" I pleaded, "I don't have the money to replace someone's entire living space and if you cause any damage. I will have to take it out of the separate budget I'm making for all the ramen I owe you."

Naruto didn't hear those last few lines as he dashed back to the room. A sigh escaped my lips at another disaster carefully avoided. In all honesty I couldn't even afford Naruto's ramen budget let alone the bill for replacing a bathroom. I was hoping that Naruto would blow the whole thing at Ichiraku ramen since according to Tsunade this is a ninja mission. I remember the payment scale from the first one. If the mission is a success it's pay day. If it's a failure than there's no dough to blow. Even _my_ current paycheck was hanging on this simple sliding scale.

My mind was too muddled to think yet. I set a normal pot of coffee on, before I fixed up that milk chocolate coffee that cost an arm and a leg to find. I made a promise to Mr. Craven to find it and my word is my bond. I bought enough to last a month at least. I was just about to sip up some steamy caffeine goodness when . . .

"SSAAASUKEEEEEEEE!" Naruto screamed

SPITTTT

I nearly choked on my coffee. I scrambled down the hall. The whole apartment must be awake by now I'm sure. I could feel a couple chakras start to build. Two certain people were ready to tear each other apart. I bashed the door open with a well deserved kick.

AHHHH

SCRREEEEEE

Note to self: Two naked sixteen year old ninjas is way more ninja than I wanted to see thank you.

Sasuke's scream sounded so inhuman like a dinosaur's. Naruto's scream was ear-splitting as usual. Other than spilling coffee down my front. At least the bathroom is still in one piece. Sasuke had a fist inches from Naruto's ear. Naruto had another shadow clone with his hands wavering over the original's hand where a swirling ball of Giant rasengen dispersed harmlessly. I bowed out of the room slowly shutting the door.

"Did you three have a wild night last night?" asked Mrs. Craven innocently. I about jumped about out of my skin.

"Oh no, not at all just . . . Making sure the . . . Well . . . Eh-heh . . . You wouldn't happen to know where the ice is do you Mrs. Craven?" I asked nervously my face still feeling flush from bursting in on two guys in a bathroom.

"Oh please call me Jill, and oh my," Mrs. Craven chided, "Are you getting heat stroke? You've better take better care of yourself dear. This is New York City not the City of Angels."

"I'll keep that in mind Jill thank you." I whispered. My cheeks were burning red. My mind was already afloat with a must need to-do-list. First take Sasuke shopping. He already burned off all his clothes. Then we needed to meet Shikamaru and the rest of Team Kakashi back at the lab to see what's really going on within Sasuke. Of course, I also had another tutoring deal with Naruto, not chakra stuff, book stuff. Boy Naruto is going to totally hate me with some of the lessons I have planned for him.

**

* * *

Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) On and Off Switch-** New York City, or at least the U.S. does not have an On/Off Switch for their hot water. However you can find these switches in several shower spots around China.I got the idea off of Karate Kid and then went to do some research for realativity. Who doesn't like a twist on the old "flush the toilet, no hot water" gag?


	13. Who said What Street?

_**Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.**_

_**Author's Note: **__I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny._

_/Sesame Street Song: Elmo's World/_-The Crackfic edition_  
_

_**

* * *

(What happened so far)**_

_My mind was already afloat with a must need to-do-list. First take Sasuke shopping. He already burned off all his clothes. Then we needed to meet Shikamaru and the rest of Team Kakashi back at the lab to see what's really going on within Sasuke. Of course, I also had another tutoring deal with Naruto, not chakra stuff, book stuff. Boy Naruto is going to totally hate me with some of the lessons I have planned for him._

**

* * *

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 12:Who said what street?**

**

* * *

(Jill's Hallway, Sasuke's Point of View)**

The girls and I mean all the females, Jill, Sakura, Monique, Audrey, Elsie, and even Clarity herself pounced on me! I was just fine until I spotted a certain DVD. That DVD was going to haunt me for the rest of my life! I dodged the stream of hands but Monique wrapped around my leg and twisted my ankle! I turned to fight but Sakura had me pinned by the shoulders. Jill held open the doors and Clarity rammed her elbow into my lungs during the struggle, knocking the wind out of me.

"SHOGI NOW!" Clarity yelled and a brown square jawed lizard head tugged me in before I could even get my second wind.

"Oh no, no . . . no, no, no," I almost screeched, "Don't make me wear that!"

"C'mon Sasuke," Clarity snorted in her own boyish fashion, "You're the only person in the group without any spare clothes and don't get stubborn with me Sasuke. You're acting like a brat and you know it."

"I don't care! Let me out!"

"Get dressed," she stated.

"Let me out!"

"You just put the clothes on," she sighed, "It'll only take a few hours to do a little wardrobe shopping. Heck even your pants are gone."

Naruto, Randy, and even Mendel were idly walking into the hall thirty minutes later in front of the room where I tried to escape. I called for help. Could anyone believe it? Me, the last Uchiha, had actually begged and pleaded to get out. Inside that room was hell. It's so unspeakable I don't even want to think about it.

GYAAAHHHHHHHHH

SCREEEEEEEE

EEEEEEK

CRUNCH

"Geez what's all the screaming for?" I could hear Naruto ask as if he wasn't watching what he called his best friend getting mauled in a closet.

"Well I just introduced Shogi and Jira to the T.V. show Sesame street." Clarity informed him.

"What's so awful about that?"

Clarity had the remote control to the T.V. where she just turned the volume up.

_/La La La-la! La La La-la! Elmo's World!/_

"NOOOOOOO!"

_/La La La-la! La La La-la! Elmo's World!/_

"Oji-san, dance with us!" Jira mewled.

"I'm an Uchiha I don't do fuzzy happy!"

_/Elmo loves his Goldfish! His Crayons tooooooo!/_

"Someone make the horror stop!" I screamed.

"Elmo's not horrible," Clarity crooned, "He's a cute furry red monster!"

"He's the epitome of horrorr!" I wailed, "Make him stop!"

"You get dressed, and come shopping then maybe I'll make the monster stop." Clarity beamed with a fake little grin, "Besides I have that eight hour DVD set on repeat. You might be stuck there all day."

_/HIYA KIDS THIS IS ELMO AND HE LOVES YOU/_

"Gyaaaaahhhhhhh!" I screamed.

"Clarity," Naruto finally whined, "We tortured him enough now can we please stop the video. I think you scarred him."

"Which area?"

"You broke his brain."

Two and two finally clicked. This was both Naruto's and Clarity's fault? They planned this the whole time? Both of them planned to torture me with evil puppets of doom in order to force me to come along? Oh it's on, I don't know what humiliation they have planned for me next but it's on. I will have my revenge.

"Fine, fine," I snapped, "You can take me wherever you want I don't care anymore! Just turn the stupid thing off!"

**

* * *

(The Apartment of Mendel's Parents, Clarity's Point of View)**

Mendal was definitely right about one thing (along with many other things but hey, he's a scientist, they know stuff) spending one night in his parents unnaturally clean apartment and he was already underway to becoming his usual avenging self. I was surprised the whole building seemed to know the couple. Jack was the building maintenance guy, a real gadget guru and Jill liked to chat with everybody. Much to the ninja's dismay, she'd already told everyone's individual back story to every neighbor they have; all five floors worth. The reactions were almost too seamless.

"Ya kiddin' me right? Some dude sacrifice himself to put what in the who now? Ya trippin man! That guy don't look no demon. He looks like . . . Looks like . . . Nah man that just crazy." The man laughed. Naruto was just happy to be treated like a normal person and not like some weapon or a ticking time bomb. He was smiling all day after that.

"Oh you poor baby," this particular woman had Sasuke in a death hug and almost choked him to death, "Man if I hear one more word about a brother hurting ones brother I'll throw the book at him!" This person also happened to be a nun that came from a big family of about . . . Hm say . . . Eleven children judging by the brag book hanging off her garb. Sasuke, glowered at the lady and calmly drummed his fingers along her back wondering when the hugging nun would let him go. He tends to hate being pitied and he supposedly hates being cuddled but between you and me even Sasuke seemed to appreciate the kindness.

"Mama if I said I wanted to be a doctor. Can I dye my hair pink too?" the little kid asked the Mama though both didn't believe Sakura when she told them her hair is actually all natural. I thought it was dyed too until I met Sakura's parents who by the way, still call her three times a day to make sure she watches her health. The gesture is sweet but when it's my phone singing _"A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down" _it gets annoying.

"Dude, that is like so deep man . . . Uh . . . What does he call 'troublesome' again?" The beatnick never noticed Shikamaru fell asleep standing up . . . Again.

"Wow this wood looks beautiful! Did you use miracle grow?" asked one guy who was once talking to Yamato only to turn around and find out he's been talking to a log.

"Hey mistah you draw Purdy pictures. Are you a gud dwawer too? I'm a good dwawer. I dwaw ah the time, on paper, and mo'papah and my mom yelled at me fo' dwawing on the wall dough. I didn't dwawed on the wall. I dwawed on the fwoor." this kid talked and talked and talked to Sai while he was busy sketching. Of course, Sai just stopped what he was doing and stared. He did not know what to do with this creature that babbled a bazillion words a minute. Of course the "creature" didn't know what to do with Sai so she yakked to fill the awkward silence. I had to giggle, this was actually Sai's first time with a babbling two year old.

**

* * *

Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) **No entertain footnotes today but I hope all of you are having fun reading this crazy story. :D


	14. Cords of Heartbreak

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**

* * *

Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

**

* * *

(Important Excerpt so far)**

_Two and two finally clicked. This was both Naruto's and Clarity's fault? They planned this the whole time? Both of them planned to torture me with evil puppets of doom in order to force me to come along? Oh it's on, I don't know what humiliation they have planned for me next but it's on. I will have my revenge._

"_Fine, fine," I snapped, "You can take me wherever you want I don't care anymore! Just turn the stupid thing off!"_

**

* * *

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 14:Cords of Heartbreak**

**

* * *

(Fashion Store at Madison Avenue, Third Person Point of View)**

"Naruto you do know that as soon as we're done here, I am going to kill you all with a wooden spoon," Sasuke glowered, as he tried his best to make that hunter's orange corduroy jumpsuit**(1)** stop making that disgusting noise.

_vzzt vzzt vzzt vzzt_

Naruto decided this was Sasuke-nese for 'Do I have to wear this?'

"It's the only clean outfit I got Sasuke," Naruto lied, "Everything else in the wash."

What Naruto didn't say was everything else he was already wearing. He just wanted to give the corduroy jumpsuit to someone else for a change. Many passers-by spared the odd group a parting glance but decided they'd seen weirder stuff on the subway. Sasuke was resisting the urge to pick wedgies as he huffed through the street. He tried to run ahead discreetly but Monique wouldn't let him out of her sight. Clarity was catching up on old times chatting with Elsie, Audrey, and Sakura. Yamato hung back staring wonder-eyed at all the clothes.

"Do people actually pay for clothes like that?" Yamato asked, pointing to a pair of four hundred dollar ripped jeans.

"Meh some do," Elsie replied with a shrug, "I wear mine out for free."

"Hé le Bébé puis-je mettre votre coeur entre mon je et U ?**(2)**" beamed Sai, trying to chat like the girls were but failed miserably. Sasuke didn't understand a word Sai was saying, he glared at him, Neon Sharingan ablaze, as if it would melt the naïve ninja's brain. Monique however, clocked him upside the forehead with the bony end of her palm.

WHACK

"The next time you use a pick up line," Monique advised, "Be sure of what you're saying and who you're saying it to, no?"

Sai thumbed through Randy's French Book to see what things Randy highlighted before his face turned scarlet. Clarity laughed her head off since, besides Monique, Clarity spoke fluent French.

**

* * *

(Lab at Stanton Island, Sasuke's Point of View)**

"Okay Sasuke you already know the drill," Sakura explained calmly, though she exclaimed more to herself than to me. I didn't care. I stripped down to my boxers and hopped into the MRI machine. Yeah how the HEAT Team got that thing? Nick pulled a few favors. Being inside that thing was unnerving when that rectangular bed part slowly moved into that tunnel like device. It was like that one time Orochimaru fed me to his snake summons Manda just to see if I'd die in his stomach; only not so cramped. Manda was happy enough to eat me without getting tricked. Maybe I'll stuffed him in an MRI, to see how he feels like it.

"Amazing," Elsie exclaimed she was probably admiring the screen, I don't know why so many American machines have screens, "Orochimaru didn't just shove organs over. He integrated the firebug's entire anatomy into the human body."

"Which part?" Nick asked, curiosity piqued, I could just imagine him rubbing his chin; the nerd.

"Look right here," Elsie pointed out, "The sack for the firebug's flames has actually been integrated as Sasuke's Lungs and the swiveling blowpipes along his spine are just an extension of Sasuke's windpipe."

"But wouldn't that be dangerous?" asked Yamato, "A crushed blowpipe marks certain death if you strangle him just right."

"That's where the Firebug's exoskeleton comes in," remarked Mendel patting his research proudly, "The exoskeleton of any bug is the strongest part to protect the organs. The Firebug is no exception."

"Gee no wonder Buggy was able to survive being tossed through the ship." Randy joked. My eye twitched, I balled my fists, why oh why did they start with the bug jokes? I want to kill him!

"Stop moving Sasuke you're ruining the image," Sakura quipped.

I relaxed as much as I could thinking, _"Stupid MRI Stupid Orochimaru, It's all his fault. Oh wait . . . I went to him; darn it"_

"That's what Sasuke looks like?" Naruto stated, probably squinting at the screen with that squinty confused look of his.

"Way to state the obvious Naruto," said Sai, one thing I found out about him is he's ninja genius. "I wonder what he looks like naked."

I grit my teeth. Sai's a ninja genius and a drawing dotard. He's got my smarts and Naruto's stupidity wrapped in a stupid smiling package. He's a headache. Let's leave it at that.

WHACK

That would be Sakura clobbering Sai. Ha! I can smell her nosebleed. You just can't take the fangirl out of Sakura! Clarity I can never tell. I think her mind got spayed. At least she and I consider each other more like siblings instead of lovers. Otherwise Clarity would've been ripped to pieces with her head on a spike. I don't doubt Sakura's brute strength anymore.

"I don't know," Clarity surmised, "Sasuke is still flexible."

"He couldn't be that flexible," Randy scoffed.

Papers crumpled, Clarity was sharing her research and photos with the entire group.

"The Exoskeleton is still stuck in Sasuke's bone structure instead of just his skin. His skin is like a second Firebug Sack only it's durable and pliable like human skin. You can see it in this photo here where Sasuke inhaled and his torso literally inflated to three times the normal size."

"Yeah and he was sucking in chakra through those holes in his hands," Naruto added in like it wasn't any consequence. Sakura was probably nodding as if she understood but the silence from the HEAT Team was so thick you could cut it with a Kunai.

"His WHAT?"

"These," Monique subtly whispered her fingers pointing to the arms and collarbone onscreen, "The feeding apparatus of the Firebugs legs is installed right here in his arms. Sasuke could mold his own fire into any shape he wants and become a major threat if he wanted to."

I couldn't help my heart actually swelling with joy for the first time in a long time. I can't wait to start molding my katon jutsus. Itachi would be so whooped by the time I was through with him.

". . . Only if he starts to tame the turmoil in his own heart. He'll never be fit to even be a ninja with this new power."

. . . And now my heart just broke.

"Why you!" Naruto began. Clothe rustled, the sharp ping of a thrown shuriken bounced off the MRI.

"Naruto," Clarity barked, "Stop! Just stop okay? Stop."

"DAMN DRAGON LADY JUST INSULTED SASUKE!"

"Socking someone solves nothing Naruto," Clarity warned before growling, "No matter how satisfying it is."

"I'm stating a fact," Monique replied, "Sasuke could kill himself if he doesn't heal his own heart."

**

* * *

Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1) **Right now Sasuke is wearing the same orange outfit Naruto usually wears except it's 1,000x brighter, and made out of corduroy which makes enough noise to turn a ninja into a walking target.

**(2)Hé le Bébé puis-je mettre votre coeur entre mon je et U ?-**This translates as "Hey Babe can I put your heart between my I and U?" I got this off of http:/web /


	15. The Great Escape

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

* * *

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. I finally found this! The next chapter of silliness and more chaotic yet, the lizard twins learn their first jutsu. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. I've been researching all over the place to make sure this story is believable. My friend and I have also thought up a few running gags to make sure this chapter is full of the funny.

**

* * *

(Important Excerpt so far)**

_"DAMN DRAGON LADY JUST INSULTED SASUKE!"_

_"Socking someone solves nothing Naruto," Clarity warned before growling, "No matter how satisfying it is."_

_"I'm stating a fact," Monique replied, "Sasuke could kill himself if he doesn't heal his own heart."_

**

* * *

Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 15: The Great Escape**

**

* * *

(Lab at Stanton Island, Clarity's Point of View)**

Tick-tick-tick-tick

BOOM

The MRI machine went up in flames. The lab corner burst to smithereens. Nick ran for a fire extinguisher on the second floor down while Yamato already flashed the hand signs for a suiton jutsu. Sasuke dashed over the railing. He hung in mid-air a bit; the flames off his back rocketing him in mid-air. It looked gorgeous, beads of moisture condensing making him sparkle. I went to take a picture . . .

FWASH

THUD

. . . And he crashed face first missing the open window. His whole body slowly slid off the wall. A disgusting thunk was heard from Sasuke landing beside the bags marked Macy's and Fruit of the Loom. Monique leaped after him. Sasuke went rummaging, clothes flying everywhere till he grabbed something and dashed off. He left the lab a complete and total mess.

. . . Just think that all happened in just 28 seconds . . .

"Hey, Heeeeey!" Mendel piteously wailed as the railing stopped him in his tracks. He held onto it for dear life, "No running Naked! It's illeeeeegaaaaaal!"

Randy on the other hand had a good idea where Sasuke was going. He found the stairs and grabbed his jacket by the door. Sasuke stole Mendel's other coat I noticed, his lab one. Before Randy ran for the door I grabbed him by the shoulder. He twisted to look at me with his coat half on/half off. I grabbed my own jacket in an attempt to follow him.

"Clarity, what're you doing?" Randy quipped, "You don't know New York . . . Like I . . ."

"Randy, Sasuke is a rogue ninja, who dedicated his life to taking down his brother and only crashed on _my . . ." _I began,

". . . Our Couch Clarity, Our couch," Murray corrected me.

"You're right Murray, Our couch, on the weekends, Tuesdays and Fridays between midnight and four thirty in the morning," I continued making sure my arm found the other coat sleeve of my jacket, "and my friends here have known the guy since they were kids! You guys don't know ninjas like we know ninjas."

"Watch it Rembrandt," Elsie retorted, "You don't know mutations like we know mutations."

"Point being?" I challenged, Elsie glared lightning in my direction, I only met her gaze with a smug look of ice. I didn't-no-we didn't have time for any face offs.

K-TONG

"Grrr Clarity will. You. Shut. UP!" Sakura yowled, whacking her fist into my face. Jiminy Crickets, that hurt! "We have no time for quarrels! More importantly as soon as we find Sasuke-kun, I'm going to so kick his butt that he won't be able to tell it apart from his face!"

She stomped over to the coat rack and yanked off her own winter cloak as well as throwing all the ninjas their coats. She ripped the door, the big garage door, off its hinges as soon her fist collided. Mendel ducked for cover under an old magazine. Sakura's chakra enhanced aura took on the same malice of a serial killer's once she stomped in Sasuke's direction. The wall slowly cracked straight to the ceiling. The ceiling falling to the floor. Monique, Nick, Elsie, and the rest of the HEAT team became scared stiff.

"Is it just me or did Buggy's girlfriend look like she was on the war path?" Randy jibed with a thumb in the door's direction. Though all that was left was a big gaping hole that let in the cold.

Sai looked confused as he read to consult his newest book "How to Understand Women: Deluxe Edition" and recited, "The mystery that is a woman is a grenade best kept in a locked closet till she reaches thirty years of age. At age sixteen she will hide her concern under a rage deeper the Marianas Trench. Hmm. . . Sakura-san looked ready to kill Sasuke. She must love him a lot."

"I'm j-j-j-just glad she's not my doctor-r-r." Mendel gulped, his voice taking on the pitch of a shivering squirrel.

**(Somewhere on the Pier in Stanton Island; Sasuke's Point of View)**

My lungs heaved, with the effort of just breathing. I limped down a random street. I don't know which street I'm on, I can't read English. My head felt like it hit a brick wall. I don't know what I did. The last thing I remembered was Macy's and Fruit of the Loom. I wore the white jacket to avoid indecent exposure. At least until I found a restroom to change clothes in.

"Hey Sasuke!" yelled a familiar yell, no, no, anyone but the HEAT team, "C'mon Amigo, I'm sorry for whatever Monique said. Why don't we let bygones be bygones eh por favor?"

ROWR

I tripped over a cat as I dashed across the alley putting on my pants. Randy ran in my direction. I ran down the other way behind him pulling on a high collar shirt. I knocked over some trash cans, Randy went the other direction and I jumped up the fire escape to put on my shoes. The lab coat I stole was kind of thin but at least the extra layer kept off the draft. What I didn't expect was . . .

"Ojii-saaaan!"

. . . The twins, I still got tailed by the lizard twins.

"What?" I hissed, my voice taking on the tone of acid. Shogi stood vertical to the wall, his foxy grin showing rows of crocodilian teeth. Jira was bouncing, hyperactive and wild all over the place, the twins scrambled around me and hugged the air out of me.

"Hide & seek! Hide & seek!" Jira screamed.

"Grarrrr, Grarrrrrr," Shogi agreed.

My cheek would not . . . Stop . . . Twitching. The twins had mastered Chakra control in less than 24 hours. It was _not fair! _It took me a week to master tree climbing then at least another week to master water walking. These two were taking to chakra control training like a fish to water; _not fair. _Who taught them and why were they catching on so fast?

**(We interrupt these messages with an amusing flashback)**

_Too many hours of Elmo_**(1)**_. I was really beginning to hate Elmo's inane childlike prattle! Elmo am so glad to see you my foot. I want to strangle that furry little monstrosity! I felt like I was going to __**die. **_

"_Ojii-san! Dance with us!" Jira cheered, and she grabbed me by the wrists._

"_NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed, than paused, an idea came to mind, a wonderfully awful idea, I cackled to myself, "I mean no thank you Jira. How about your Ojii-san teach you two some very wonderful tricks called Water Walking and Tree Climbing. Your Kaa-san calls it Chakra Control!"_

" _. . . Cha-Cha Control?" Jira murmured, she had me dangling from her hands which luckily, those digits looked very well suited for making normal hand signs._

"_Grab-ba Rar-rar," Shogi growled . . . I couldn't make heads or tails what Jira's brother was saying._

"_Ohhhhh, Chakra Control!" Jira mused turning her narrow black head, Shogi's direction. Apparently, thanks to all that demon chakra running through their systems. Jira picked up Clarity's knack for multiple languages . . . Except among species._

"_YAAAAAY!" The twins cheered even though Shogi's yay was more like gravel ran through a blender. _

**(Now onto the Story)**

I couldn't believe it. I shook the cobwebs from my head. I still could not believe I just taught a couple lizards jutsus. Still they were young and from what I could tell at that stage where their brains could soak in anything. Randy's shouts were getting closer and closer and he had whipped out a tracking device(2). Great, Sasuke, how are you going to get out of this one?

"Good job on finding me you two, now let's play ninja." I explained, inwardly cringing at the thought that me, a half mutation half ninja-well a kaiju ninja, was using a childhood game to outwit my old teammates and a bunch of nerds. "See that person over there, he's trying to find me and you're supposed to keep them from finding me."

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr?" Shogi keened.

"Oh good point bro, Ojii-san, we'll play but on one condition," Jira chattered.

"I don't care, anything, just name it." I moaned.

"Ano . . . Ojii-san Could you teach us a Jutsu. Pweeeeeeeeze?" Jira begged, agh her shiny teeth glinted the sun into my eyes and my sensitive nose could smell Fish and ramen breath; yuck. Well, if it'd get Randy and the others off my back till I can wrap my head around things. Then I'll teach them anything.

**(Back Alleys of Stanton Island, 3****rd**** Person Point of View)**

"Sasuke," Randy yelled, his throat felt dry and hoarse, "Sasuke where are you? I've got cannnndyyyy. What like I don't know you don't like candy? Either way you're addicted to it Amigo. One smell of this and you'll come running to me."

Randy opened his backpack and fumbled through it hoping to get some twinkies, ding dongs, and any other treat of sugary goodness he himself hadn't eaten yet. He went rummaging further hoping to hear that familiar crinkle of plastic wrappers only to find something hard and square. He took it out, disappointed that instead of finding good junk food to bait Sasuke with. He only found the original radar device Dr. Nick Tatopolis used to track the _original _fire bug.

"Great," Randy muttered to himself, "Just-just that's just great. The one time I have a great idea, that doesn't involve blowing NIGEL to smithereens. Only I grabbed the wrong bag. Paging Jefe, paging Dr. Nick, Dr. Nick, your bag is in my office . . . Stat."

Randy chuckled at his own joke when a couple of lanky Brown and Black lizards stormed into view. Shogi and Jira skidded to a stop at Randy's feet. They flailed their arms. They keened, hissed, growled, and roared something unintelligible while jumping up and down like someone lit a roman candle beneath them.

"Yo twins what's up," Randy spoke. The lizards stopped their howling. ". What did you wanted to show me?"

**(Back Alleys of Stanton Island, Sasuke's Point of View)**

I about fell off my perch from laughter. The twins exchanged glances. Their clawed fingers curled around the beginning handsigns.

"Oiroke no Jutsu**(3)**," the twins gushed, and in a puff of smoke Randy got surrounded by two gorgeous females. Luscious black hair, that was short yet deliciously thick. Tanned, toned body hung on either arm, soft perky breasts pressing the rib cage. The twins used Dragon Lady, for inspiration? That's just wrong, but then again, Monique have a pretty hot . . . A pretty hot . . .

'Sasuke get to running!' I commanded myself and pulled myself off my perch to hit the roof tops. Why did my knees feel like jelly? Something about naked chicks fogged my brain. My minds never been in a fog before. It felt weird . . .

. . . And euphorically _nice._

"Rawr !," The twins purred, and there was the turn-off. Figures, they're able to do the Monique body with the voice of T-Rex off of Jurassic Park. I keep forgetting Shogi and Jira are practically Naruto's biological babies. I ran and make a jump to the roof.

BZZT

I hit a power line; a freaking power line. The ten thousand watts screaming through my body didn't hurt much; just a lot. I felt the hard ground crunch beneath me and almost struggled like a bug on its back. I don't know how many more bug jokes I can take but the next time I see Orochimaru I'll kill him. Whelp rolling over is pretty easy, Randy's incapacitated thanks to hemorrhaging of the nose, and the twins make for an excellent patsy. Now all I needed to do was ignore the pain and crawl away.

"ugh," I grumbled flipping onto my chest, every nerve screaming, "Easier . . . Said than done."

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)Elmo**-The cute little furry red monster off of Sesame street. The same monster that will probably haunt Sasuke for the rest of his life since Clarity and Naruto locked him in a room with the T.V. show stuck on repeat.

**(2)Tracking Device-**name sounds lame but it's the same device Nick used to track the firebug.

**(3)Oiroke no Jutsu**-Sexy Jutsu. A jutsu devoloped by Naruto Uzumaki for diversion and prankster tactics. The twins perform the original version. Yet Konohamaru also developed a Sexy Jutsu meant to affect females as well as males. Clarity hasn't seen it yet but she shall be perturbed it involves a little brother figure and her art apprentice.


	16. Shikamaru is being Troublesome

**Summary:** The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**

* * *

**

Author's Note:

I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. Also another word of warning is I don't know New York very well navigation wise so some things might be seriously off or more off than usual.

* * *

**(Important Excerpt so far . . .)**

_I almost fell off my perch from laughter. The twins exchanged glances. Their clawed fingers curled around the beginning handsigns._

_"Oiroke no Jutsu," the twins gushed, and in a puff of smoke Randy got surrounded by two gorgeous females. Luscious black hair, that was short yet deliciously thick. Tanned, toned body hung on either arm, soft perky breasts pressing the rib cage. The twins used Dragon Lady, for inspiration? That's just wrong, but then again, Monique does have a pretty hot . . . A pretty hot . . ._

_'Sasuke get to running!' I commanded myself and pulled myself off my perch to hit the roof tops. Why did my knees feel like jelly? Something about naked chicks fogged my brain. My minds never been in a fog before. It felt weird . . ._

_. . . And euphorically nice._

_"Rawr !," The twins purred, and there was the turn-off. Figures, they're able to do the Monique body with the voice of T-Rex off of Jurassic Park. I keep forgetting Shogi and Jira are practically Naruto's biological babies. I ran and make a jump to the roof._

**

* * *

**

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 16: Dragon on a Rampage**

**

* * *

**

(H.E.A.T team Lab; Third** Person Point of View)**

Shikamaru had his hands placed in a perfect O as he kneeled upon the Lab's stairs. One look around the place and Shikamaru could already tell that the lab was much more advanced than what first appeared. Old Mac computers featured programs that were more for super computers found at NASA. The lab was more stocked than even Konoha's lab in the interrogation division for biological weapons and anti-weapons. His mind worked so fast on details like this that his body just slowed to the point between dead and coma.

Mendel was fixing small parts on NIGEL while Shikamaru was in deep thinker mode. He put a sample of Sasuke's skin cells into NIGEL's olfactory senses unit. He hooked up his precious robot to a computer to run the AVG antivirus in case of Randy's practical jokes from hacking into the device. He never left a Trojan **(1)** which Mendel was thankful but all that hard work he put into NIGEL was always destroyed every time Randy played with something.

"So . . . What're you doing now?" Shikamaru suddenly asked startling Mendel out of his thoughts, "You never left with everyone else."

"What? Who? M-m-me?," Mendel stammered, "I . . . Well someone has to stay behind and work the lab samples."

"Yet you're outfitting your robot with a Telemetry Tracking System **(2)**," Shikamaru pointed out. This caused Mendel to be very pleased. He grinned and patted NIGEL carefully.

"That's because that's how NIGEL collects data, at least until the next time he gets smashed." Mendel replied, his voice having a sad tone at the end before he brightened, "Any way, the Sensors and Transducers have been refixed to collect Data on Sasuke's scent and heat signature which is at least twenty times that of your average human. In fact, the Analogue Multiplexors are programmed to receive multiple signals since with his recorded physical prowess could be all over New York City while the Formatter which happens to be Randy's Hard Drive at the moment sends a beacon much like a tracking device except there's just one problem."

". . . A Transmitter." Shikamaru concluded, once he finally processed everything Mendel had rattled off, the tactical genius was actually getting a headache. He was used to people talking below his IQ level, not people who spoke equally at his IQ level but his mother had already threatened him with a wooden spoon to not say that tid bit of information.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Mendel enthusiastically cheered, "Of course, no Telemetry system could work without a transmitter. Too bad I don't have any idea how to turn Sasuke into a transmitter. The Human brain is actually the most complex computer on earth if I could use this to track his brain waves or maybe an energy source that is cruder, simpler even."

Mendal rapidly went to work, on several devices at once. He happily bumbled from one gadget, to another and back to NIGEL as he kept voicing his opinions aloud. Shikamaru's head bobbed back and forth as he studied Nigel's movements much in the same way he studied his opponents at a game of Shogi. A slight evil smirk made its way across his face as he thought of an idea he wanted to test for a long time though he never had the opportunity to use it till now.

"Ne Mendel-san," Shikamaru politely began, "Did you know that Chakra is the combined element of spiritual energy, such as social, emotional, spiritual health and physical energy such as body temperature, physical and mental health."

"Meaning?"

"That we could use Someone's cell phone and track Sasuke using his chakra as a transmitter," Shikamaru almost gloated at his evil scheme, "Oh man this might sound awful but if you'd let me help, than together we could have every device in the city doing our dirty work for us."

"What an evil lazy plan," He gasped, "I love it! Count me in."

**

* * *

**

(Downtown New York, Clarity's Point of View)

Something was eating away at Monique. She went shifty eyed every time someone called her name, particularly, when the ninjas called her. I mean yeah who wouldn't act guilty? I could accept the fact she was a French secret service agent with secrets to hide, it comes with the business but when she suddenly volunteered to be my buddy on the Sasuke Search Plan (SSP? . . That's a bunch of BS.) I got suspicious.

"Monique" There went those shifty eyes again. "I know we've only known each other for at least what, a whole boat trip, but aren't you getting paranoid?" I pondered, "If you feel guilty, spill the beans already. It's not like you keep a thousand government secrets in your brain."

She glared at me as if to say Duh of course I have government secrets in my brain. I waved her off since I'm already used to the Uchiha™ death look. Normal glares don't bother me. Yet the look she gave me topped the daggers Sasuke gave me during that one time I told the Twins what Valentine's Day was. Sure the two lizards just don't quite get it but it was strangely cute when Shogi and Jira gave Sasuke this ton of fudge.

**

* * *

**

(Flashback, Aboard the Heatseeker, months after Valentine 's Day)

"Oji-saaan, Happy Vuh-vuh-tine's day!" Jira cheered, Shogi roared in unison. They shoved a cake tray full of triple-decker-super fudge under Sasuke's nose. Sasuke visibly cringed. He hates sweets and with a nose as strong as Blood Hounds (he says it's stronger) I could only imagine his chills.

"What's wrong?" Jira asked.

"Prrrr?" Shogi whined.

"Isn't there something wrong with this picture?" Sasuke demanded pointing to the much loathed sweet in front of him, trying to point out that Valentine's Day isn't during March or September, "hmm?"

The Twins bashed their skulls together. They mulled over the picture in extreme fascination. Then their faces lit up. They took the fudge away from Sasuke and turned away. Sasuke stood on tiptoe trying to peek at what they were doing.

NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM

The twins whirled around. Chocolate smeared in their teeth. Their faces looked like they dunked their muzzles face first into a mud puddle. The twins nibbled around the fudge making it into a cute gargantuan heart. I whistled, those twins sure had an eye for design.

"Atta boy, Shogi. Atta Girl Jira!" I cheered, "Way to carve."

"SHADDAP!" Sasuke snapped at me.

"Please take it Oji-san?" Jira pleaded, "If you don't like sweets than we could give lotsa hugs pweeeeze."

Sasuke shivered as he thought of the last time the twins hugged him. That resulted in five broken ribs, and having his arm redone in a cast. The twins didn't know their own strength. They knew that puppy eyes and wagging lizard tails brought Sasuke to cave in and accept the treat. Not the fact that Sasuke accepted the treat because he didn't want broken bones again.

"Hn," Sasuke sighed and held it out at Arm's length, "Should I really tell them I _hate _sweets?"

"Can I eat it?" Shikamaru requested and hoisted the fudge away.

"NOOOOO!" everyone shouted and Randy tackled Shikamaru for the fudge. Nick dog piled on Randy trying to catch the dish before it made a mess on the floor. Monique took over steering the ship since Nick wasn't steering anymore. One thing we all agreed upon after experiencing a hyper Shikamaru was never give a Nara any sugar ever again. Shikamaru already told us this was a weakness from his Mom's side of the family.

I jumped and swiveled the fudge. It was falling . . . falling . . . FALLING!

Sasuke caught the fudge effortlessly. I sighed in relief.

"I wonder if Naruto or Sakura would like this fudge?" Sasuke mused, "I absolutely loath fudge."

"Gee Squirt don't forget to actually save them some," I jibed.

Sasuke answered with a snort. Unbeknowst to him he was already gnawing a handful of the stuff between his dainty fingers and didn't even know it.

**

* * *

**

(Present day, Downtown New York)

WHOMPF

I got snapped out of my musing by a hundred twelve pound blur. A lot of orange and a little black; had to be Naruto. He volunteered to go with Yamato. Yamato tricked him into going with Sai. I'm guessing Sai got ditched. Nope he was panting behind Naruto.

"Naruto I don't think jumping rooftops is going to help anything," Sai gasped, did those two just jump the sky scrapers?

Monique was getting ready to crawl away. I grabbed her by the scruff of her neck; standing just right so that I didn't get thrown. Given her martial arts training, she ought to have hit me by now. She tried to wrench my arm into a strangle hold until she noticed Naruto holding her elbow in a death grip; casual position for stealthy awkwardness.

"WE DON'T HAVE TIME-TTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled, I let Monique go when she tried to punch. Naruto caught her fist and squeezed. Tendons crunched and what began as a sophisticated game of stealth K.O. became an annoying gag of ninja cat and spy mouse. Naruto learned how to multi-task this way ages ago.

"I don't know where to start." Naruto answered. Sakura-chan is tearing up McDonalds while Elsie is being rational. Yamato went to the park to escape Audrey's weird questions. I don't know why Yamato-sensei is blushing. Shikamaru and Mendel are talking _way _over _my_ head and we lost track of Randy. I don't know what else can go wrong."

As if to answer his question the Jumbo Screen blared a blackmail worthy image of Randy smiling perversely between two Naked females that could be mistaken for Monique's long lost twins! Monique doesn't even have siblings. She's got a vein going across her head but nope not any siblings. The smoke, the pose and the entire jiggling of parts set very wrong.

". . . No . . . Way!" Monique growled, "Je vais tuer lui.**(3)**"

"It couldn't be," Sai mused.

"But it is." I realized.

"Is that a stripper?" asked some lady to young to know what that is.

"Whoa baby," a post man whistled.

"It can't be." I gasped.

"But it is! It is! Believe it!" Naruto crowed, than his face fell when he recognized Shogi's signature purr and Jira's gravelly voice escaping those sexy lips.

"I'M GONNA KILL WHOEVER TAUGHT THE TWINS OIROKE NO JUTSU! DATTEBAYO!"

**

* * *

**

(Meanwhile in front of Mendel's Computer Screen, 3

**rd**** person point of view)**

Shikamaru and Mendel were having fits of laughter. Half it being their little experiment with the TRUBLE system a big success while the other half being the look on everyone's faces from seeing Randy on the Jumbo Screen. They toasted each other with bottled waters and shared a bowl of popcorn between them.

"Oh man, this troublesome prank was so worth it." Shikamaru cheered.

"Best thing is the people it'll help back in your country." Mendel agreed, "I'm so glad our Telemetry Ramrod of Unspeakably Lethal Excommunication really worked. Where'd you get the idea to use other electronics as the transmitters to track active chakras?"

"Ah . . ." Shikamaru paused, he was so excited he forgot where he actually found the idea. "Now that's a drag . . . I forgot."

"No matter," Mendel shrugged, "This is spectacular. The possibilities of a good idea are endless."

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)Trojan-** I've had these nasty buggers turn up plenty of times from when I ran my Antivirus. As the name suggests, the Trojan comes on like a harmless gift but has a nasty surprise inside. Hackers like to use viruses because they gum up the computer and allow personal data to be piggybacked onto the internet such as bank account numbers or it'd stick nasty websites on it. (Shudders) I actually had to take some gross websites off my desktop because of those things.

**(2) Telemetry Tracking Systems-**Telemetry is the science and technology of automatically transmitting data by means, of wire, radio, or other remote sources such as in this case NIGEL, to receiving stations for recording and analyses. Key parts to look for are the Sensors/Transducers, Signal Conditioner, Analog/Digital Multiplexor, Formatter, and Transmitter(Sasuke or maybe something else attached to him). They're all connected by the specific job they do.

**(3)** **Je vais tuer lui.**-French for "I'm going to kill him."

**Have a Happy Valentine's Day**

**Tootles,**

**Mistlan**


	17. The Killer Cherry Tree

Summary: The H.E.A.T team are on assignment and this time they're dealing with two Godzilla Juniors. It's nurture vs. nature gone crazy especially when a disgruntled artist and a hyperactive ninja (guess who) become parents to giant fire breathing lizards with demon chakra powering up their pipes.

**Author's Note: **I don't own Naruto or Godzilla the series. This takes place in an alternate universe since I don't know how much damage bouncing baby lizards the size of football fields can make. Also another word of warning is I don't know New York very well navigation wise so some things might be seriously off or more off than usual.

* * *

**(Important Excerpt so far . . .)**

_Shikamaru and Mendel were having fits of laughter. Half it being their little experiment with the TRUBLE system a big success while the other half being the look on everyone's faces from seeing Randy on the Jumbo Screen. They toasted each other with bottled waters and shared a bowl of popcorn between them._

"_Oh man, this troublesome prank was so worth it." Shikamaru cheered._

"_Best thing is the people it'll help back in your country." Mendel agreed, "I'm so glad our Telemetry Ramrod of UnspeakaBly Lethal Excommunication really worked. Where'd you get the idea to use other electronics as the transmitters to track active chakras?"_

"_Ah . . ." Shikamaru paused, he was so excited he forgot where he actually found the idea. "Now that's a drag . . . I forgot."_

"_No matter," Mendel shrugged, "This is spectacular_. The possibilities of a good idea are endless."

* * *

**Kaiju Chaos Kyuubi Style**

**Chapter 17: The Killer Cherry Tree  
**

**(Stanton Island Ferry Route, Upper Bay, New York City, 3****rd**** Person Point of View)**

"Elsie, Shikamaru and I have a reading on Sasuke's chakra signature" Mendel's voice blaired on a radio 3 miles from where Sasuke was standing, "He's running East on Canal St/Water St/Wright Street to Bay Street. Turn right downhill from the Enoteca Maria and you can cut him off at the pass!"

"Chakra?" Elsie scoffed, "Is that some mystic ninja mojo?"

"Ferry as in Ferry Boat?" Sakura's voice cut into Elsie's musing with a whine of dread ". . . oh no."

"Well yes there is a Ferry Route at that particular area and so what?" Elsie innocently asked, "If you got your panties in a bind over something. Pick it out and tell me."

Sakura sweat dropped at Elsie's blunt choice of words. The mental image wasn't exciting but it wasn't fun to think about either. Her inner self was in a mental bind over the whole wedgie statement while a familiar little girl, who still wondered about having her hair dyed pink, was yanking her Mommy's skirt yet again.

"Mommy! Mommy!" The little girl yelled.

"What is it dear?" Her mother asked albeit with a slight headache.

"Can I go wading!" The girl demanded.

"Honey you can't go wading out on the ocean. The water is too deep." The mother exclaimed.

"No it isn't, I know it's not. The boats wade in there all the time. Can I wade in the Water? Look at the Bug Man Mommy. The Bug man isn't swimming. He's all tippy toes. Can I be all tippy toes too If I act all grumpy like him Mommy, please, can I Mommy, Please, Please, Please? Can I be Grumpy Pweeeeze!" The little girl shouted.

The mother pinched the bridge of her nose. The little girl had taken a shine to the strange new guests her landlords housed. Her was yelling like the Uzumaki Boy. She wanted to die her hair pink, was scribbling all over the office work again but this time in permanent ink, she started calling everything troublesome even the coffee machine when she asked to drink coffee like that wood mutants crazy girlfriend**(1)**. The little girl even went so far as to wear a crude little handband that when Ms Cratchet's crazy boyfriend she guessed had given her daughter only made of beech wood with little wooden ninja knives.

"Honey why are you asking me this?" The lady almost seethed to which the girl silently pointed to the Grumpy Black haired boy who was running high speed across the water. His arms flat out behind him, head tilted forward, toes barely rippling across the water. The mother's jaw dropped, she knew the ferry was traveling at least fifty miles per hour! She watched Sasuke get smaller and smaller into the distance.

"SHANNAROO!" The pink haired doctor yelled torpedoing behind him leaving a massive wake high enough to tidal wave on deck.

"COOL!" The girl screamed as people got swept violently overboard, The mother wanted to die, she was getting seasick.

"How can I be that fast?" The girl asked oblivious to the mother who tossed her cookies out to sea.

"By eating all your vegetables, never asking for coffee, and never calling everything troublesome again," The mother spoke deciding to let the bad influencing ninjas work in her favor for a change.

"Can I still dye my hair pink?" The little girl begged.

"Ahhahha . . . No . . ." The Mother deadpanned and that was the end of that.

* * *

**(Statue of Liberty; Sasuke's Point of View)**

I blacked out again when I saw Sakura and remembered her breaking and re-breaking my bones with her bare hands (even if it was for my own health). I got scared; yes I, Sasuke Uchiha got scared when I felt an aura not unlike those of Orochimaru's murderous experiments. Something in me said run then I blacked out. When I came to I found myself in a strangely not so cylindrical copper sea green structure**(2)**.

I groaned, my ligaments metaphorically liquefied reminding me I didn't have the Dobe's stamina. I couldn't have run 12 miles in half an hour. I know my fully human body like the back of my . . . I took off a fingerless glove to stare at the funnels in my hand reminding me of what I gave up for this power and more importantly those nasty bad habits. Reacting to sexiness, running into electrical devices, going crazy around lights, craving that loathsome substance known as SUGAR; BAH! What was wrong with me?

. . . Okay on second thought I didn't know my body anymore.

"Sasuke-Kun," Sakura sweetly called sending shivers up my spine, Ino could never sound this loathsome and cute at the same time.

_. . . 'Snap out of it Sasuke!'_ I yelled at myself, _'Sakura is not cute. She is the devil in a dinky dimpled body' _and slapped my cheeks to get a grip on reality!

SLAP-SLAP-SLAP**(3)**

The echoing sound caught Sakura's deadly ears. She sauntered forward and casually squeezed me! Her iron grip crunching into the funnels on my spine making me dizzy with the lack of oxygen! I couldn't _breathe. _I struggled for air and felt my face turn sky blue; _needed . . . Air._

"Sasuke do you know how long it takes for a human to pass out from lack of oxygen?" Sakura stated and I couldn't believe it; she wanted to strangle me? Maybe experience it but not believe it. This was not even the Sakura I knew. When did she get so dang violent!, "I begged and cried for you to stay then but not anymore."

CRACK, CRACK, CRACK

I could feel my ribs cracking underneath her grip.

"Great idea Pinky," Elsie scoffed, "Oh yeah killing him is so going to get him to come back with you! Haven't you ever tried group therapy."

Elsie made a valid point. I didn't listen to Sakura's heartfelt lecture about how I said thank you and knocked her out like some floozy when I defected the first time. I was too busy trying to not black out. I hated blacking out. Whenever my memory blacked my body did something embarrassing for me. On a side note, Sakura squeezing me to death wasn't helping!

"Elsie-san you got to know Sasuke for a short while right?" Sakura chattered and this was ridiculous how could she be scary and happily chatty at the same flipping time! "He's a stubborn bastard, hard to love, and really this is the only way to knock some sense into him."

GASP

. . . I . . . Can't . . . _Breathe _

"Still," Elsie pointed out, "It's amazing that he can last for this long and still be struggling for air. Look, look, look, see that? It's a collapsible Exoskeleton surrounding the normal skeleton."

"That's my lungs being choked off you old hag!" I wanted to scream but I couldn't suck in enough . . . _air . . . To wheeze._

"Come home! Sasuke! This time it's for your own good not-" Sakura barely got started when I powered up a chidori and aimed it at myself! . . . Before I blacked out.

NAGASHI CHIDORI

FWING

CRASH

News reports twenty minutes later would report about a lightning bolt blowing the boobies off the statue of liberty. This would be followed by a gigantic picture of said Lady Liberty with two smoking holes where her bust line would be. The news would get saved on a cell phone, probably Clarity's because she's too stupid to stop using electrical devices around highly trained assassins who are trained to break into things. Monique is also probably seething with rage.

"GOOOOOOOOD!" Sakura finished as if I heard her flying away.

I didn't remember throwing someone when I came to and wondered what the hell happened. Oh wait and after a bit of blinking I could see Sakura flying away. Heh-heh she did have a set of legs. That was the only thing I could see flying away into a distant twinkle in the sky. Godzilla rose from the water, the ocean parted for his immense, tense size. He took a look at the flying pink thing.

SMACK

I openly stared at him, Godzilla, him, who smacked Sakura like a gnat. I felt tears prick my eyes but I am an Uchiha and Uchihas don't cry! I felt sorry for whoever's apartment Dr. Pinky smashed through. There's lots of things more fragile than that bulbous forehead.

A keen rumble invaded my chest with Ultrasonic waves.

".:Pink Thing Okay?"

. . . Pink thing? Then it hit me that rumbling voice was speaking of Sakura.

".:Not Pink Thing," I answered feeling my own throat rumble with a keening screech; a hiss and I couldn't believe that was me. ".:Name is . . . Sakura."

".:Sakura," The voice hissed.

".:Oh very Good!" I scoffed, ".:Now repeat after me."

". . . Sakura . . ." I spoke.

"Sas-graaahhh," the voice repeated.

". . .is . . ."

".Eh-hissssss" The voice hissed and man I thought _my_ English was bad.

"Annoying!" I finished. Proud to be able to safely speak the first words I ever learned in the English language.

To which Godzilla parroted finally and mind you I use the term lightly, "Sas-Grahhhh Eh-hiss Oi-ying."

"AHHHHHH!" I screeched.

"Oi-ying, Oi-ying, Sas-Grah Eh-hiss Ah-Oi-ying." Godzilla chirped. ".:Gas What?"

"What?" I squeaked.

".:Baby Brother!" Godzilla keened and I screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs.

SCREEEEEEEE

I grabbed a green and red thing.

EEK

THUD

It bounced off Godzilla and fell into the water. I looked down tentatively. Elsie Chapman was beating up the water with her fists. Flying paleobiologist anyone or bossy red headed hag one of the two. Elsie yelled a lot and here I am thinking Oh Shoot I threw the Nerd!

"I threw the Nerd," I observed aloud, "Hn . . . Guess that means I'm in trouble right?"

"Nuh-urrrrrrd,"Godzilla growled.

".:Shut . . . your . . . pie hole," I hissed. So now we know why Godzilla never talks human. His speaking skills are worse than mine.

".:Baby Brother?" Godzilla asked and Dang he sounded like Nick.

".:Whaaaat?" I whined wondering if this was how Itachi felt around me.

".:You're Annoying!" Godzilla crooned thinking the word Annoying was a term of endearment.

I glared at the obscene reptile and taught him two new words in english.

". . . Screw you . . ."

Godzilla merely shrugged and dove into the water with a hard splash. The wave crashed over the statue of liberty. It left me wet and out to sea.

".:Go screw yourself." Godzilla parroted back in his Rumble Tongue in that same tone of voice Randy did the time the Lakers lost a sports game.

I sighed, concentrated more chakra to my feet and ran to shore spotting a giant yellow "McDonald's" in the distance. I didn't want any more "family members". I already had one orange obsessed psycho as the thorn in my spleen. Two twin Lizards calling me Uncle Sasuke. A murderous older brother who is as alien as they come and I did not need a sixty meter big brother. I already had one brother to kill. I didn't need two to annihilate thank you!

* * *

**(Local McDonalds, 3****rd**** Person's Point of View)**

Victor "Animal" Pollati was just a simple caffeine hyped Italian American Camera man with normal needs. One such need just so happened to be the need to get on his wife's good side which was actually just her bad side turned inside out and backwards. Another need on Victor's list was places to hide whenever his wife's temper went off, Heat Team Headquaters being at the top of the list since Lucy still hadn't forgiven the adorable three hundred foot tall Gator purse for eating the cell phone she bought Animal. Every so often Godzilla's tummy could be heard singing the Postman Pat TV theme song but Animal was not going to tell Nick what those *strange sounding anomalies* were anyway. He was too busy enjoying a big mac when a strange kid whirl winded through the entrance.

WHAM-CRACK

The Door fell from barely a shove. The boy that ran in, messed up off black hair, jeans and a T-shirt grabbed random people and shook them. He begged and pleaded speaking the weirdest of alien languages. A sixteen maybe fifteen year old boy that would've looked like a stud muffin if he was all angsty and broody. He felt around for his cell phone and turned on the camera.

"Tasukete! **(4)** Tasukete!" The young man suddenly screamed, grabbing hold of Animal in his bone crushing hands, "tasukete kudasai, tasukete**(5)**!"

"Whoa whoa, hold it there Grasshopper, My Japanese stinks." Animal spoke.

The kid gave him a dead eyed glare. He tore off a glove and to show him something but on second thought put it back on. He whipped out a photo of Sakura Haruno and showed it to the man.

"My Ex is killing me." The boy spoke in lightly accented English.

"Whoa-whoa ex-girlfriend?" Animal scoffed, "You're some Japanese guy with an ex-girlfriend from around here?"

Animal meant the United States. The boy thought he meant Mcdonalds.

"No, not around here." The Boy spoke, "I came here to hide."

"Oh okay okay, Hey look I'm hiding from Lucy too so let's take that booth over there. It's out of the way I'll buy you some lunch whaddaya say?" said Animal. He put his arm around the moping teen.

GRAAAOR

The kid's stomach growled much to the boy's embarrassment. He didn't know the last time he even ate. He knew he'd look out of place and that oily smell smelt . . . Beyond the heavenly aroma of delicious! He happily nodded his head with the first ear splitting idiot grin to cross his face in over eight years. His whole body finally agreed on something he just didn't know why the thought involved oily foods**(6)**.

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes: **This is just a refresher or just a few clues and hints for those that may be unfamiliar with either Naruto or Godzilla: the Series. I also included a few hints on how Clarity ended becoming familiar with the Ninja World.

**(1)Wood Mutant and his Crazy Girlfriend**-Boy I feel sorry for Yamato the "Wood Mutant" but this isn't the first time that Clarity and Yamato have been mistaken for a couple. In Suna a museum curator also wondered if they were boyfriend and girlfriend much to Clarity's poetic response of saying no and Yamato's vocal disdain.

**(2)The Slap-Slap No Jutsu-**A handy way to give away your position to potential enemies. Inspired by Obito Uchiha himself.

**(5)Statue of Liberty-**A Copper statue that was a gift to the United States from France where it was assembled in huge chunks before brought to Ellis Island during that time America had one of its most famous wave of immigrants. The sea salts and weathering from the ocean air eventually died the statue to that wonderful sea green we know today. Heck, the statue is still repaired using a sea green modern material to match the weathering. Can anyone calculate how much of that stuff the Statue will need now in the story or how much of a body cast Sasuke will need after Monique is through with him.

**(4)Tasukete- **Japanese for urgent call of assistance.

**(5)** **tasukete kudasai, tasukete!**- Japanese for "Save me, Help me, Help!"

**(6)Oily Foods-**When I was watching the Godzilla Episode "Ring of Fire" I noticed the Fire Bug literally says "Yippee!" over oil much like a puppy over a gigantic doggy bone. Yes I know Sasuke in Canon wouldn't be grinning like an idiot but this Sasuke does and it'll lead to a really cute twisted fluffy scene in the next chapter thanks to Animal Palloti.

**Stay tuned for madness, mayhem, and Nature vs. Nurture gone wrong.**

**Next Scene; we find out why Godzilla calls Sasuke "Annoying Baby Brother"**


	18. Road to Winters being Burned

**Author's Note: **What I like about this chapter? Sasuke isn't all over the place and being a spazz, he's finally closer to being in character. Winters gets introduced and burned which I thought was awesome. What I didn't like? It's hard not to make Sasuke come off as sounding like the evil queen from Disney's Snow White.

**Chapter 18: The Composer**

**Starbucks (Sasuke's point of view)**

* * *

Every man in his own time conducts a symphony. Whether it's throwing Elsie and Sakura out of the Statue of Liberty, letting my shadow clone's mutant instincts get the better of him at a greasy hamburger restaurant or I hadn't planned for Jira to do the song and dance number but whatever works will work. Just about every single "Sasuke" the H.E.A.T team and ninjas have almost captured thus far has been so far a shadow clone, a bunshin, and I had to get creative. I've been gone since the MRI debacle. Chaos is not a symphony, this plan still stabs pain into the gaping hole I have called a heart just thinking of this the one time I let myself loose.

Drinking a sugared cup of bad caffeine at a local mass market coffee house is the closest I was ever going to get to "letting myself loose." The area in a nutshell had only the booths, tables, and customer bar for the customers on one side of the cash register. The kitchen, drink stand and entire worker's area on the other side of the cash register. I'd kept a very tight lid on my cravings.

The sugar from my bitter drink, momentarily silencing the gluclose craving and the chocolate, thick as crude oil, stuck in my throat as bad as the memory of Itachi from my younger days. The Itachi I knew who'd split an Omusubi with me at a Japanese Café. The brother who'd always tell me maybe later and I obeyed without question. Looking across the table to the booth with the child just grabbing the cell phone from the teen, if things were different could I have maybe been more demanding instead?

_'No, no,_' thought I, _' I refuse to be the naïve little prick I was nine years ago.' _

Naruto was the person who gave me his undivided attention even if it was to show me up just because he was trying to impress a girl. Speaking of girls, Sakura's brashness was new. I don't know what to think about the new guys, Yamato and Sai (no actually Sai is annoying). Shikamaru is just a face in the crowd. Clarity can be a pain in the neck and Murray is a simpleton. He and the coffee addict deserve each other, business partners or otherwise.

The H.E.A.T team has no layers within them. Randy was the first one to take out, that was easy. Dr. Craven is a pansy and Shikamaru is lazy, their radar system just tracks the basics and Randy's cell phone I stole has all the hacking codes on a portable zip drive. I just plugged them in and I can see how . . . Oh dear god.

"What have I done?" I whispered.

Every kage bunshin has the same mindset as their original owner. I don't like my teams. They don't like them either. Would you really hug a bunch of dipsticks who locked you in a room, forced their hospitality on you, and expected you to suddenly "see the light" after enduring months claustrophobically sandwiched between a pack of morons to New York from Alaska?

I don't like hugs either! I was honest when I told Team 7 I hate a lot of things, and I don't particularlylike anything. Sentimentality, being in the spotlight, being defrauded, there is no end to what I hate about me. I couldn't reminisce much further when the bell rang at the customer door. I turned the phone off, putting everything into the pocket. Cargo pants with deep pockets. A black tee shirt beneath a blue button down shirt which has the collar popped. A traditional part of me still had the Uchiha dog tag wrapped around my neck, and luckily it's not very big, Clarity embroiders pretty small stuff(1).

The stranger sauntered up to the bar chair beside me requesting if the seat was taken. I grunted in comment, not paying close attention to the man beside me. His fingernails glistened from their manicure. Sleeve of his coat lost a button or two as he slapped down a wad of dollar bills, ordered his drink, and proceeded to swirl it around in his Styrofoam cup. What was he a C.E.O or a wine tester?

"I'll have whatever he is having," the stranger asked boldy patting me on the back. In the coffee maker's reflective surface shown a tawny eyed man, white hair, white goatee. Aside from the cheekbones he might almost have qualified for handsome. "I . . . hope you don't mind . . . Uchiha?"

Handsomeness never cut the slimy feeling down my spine. I'm trying to get some peace, not a spoilt brat.

"Who sent you? Who is your boss? And what heads do I have to smash in for you to leave me alone!" I growled, I'm better looking than he is but if he knows my name, he'll probably be dragging me back to Orochimaru. Orochimaru's henchmen are always allowed to leave. His science experiments, let's say euthanizong is the humane way to go.

"Whoa, whoa Uchiha my good fellow I'm sure you've heard of me," He soothed wiping the dust off my shoulder. "You remember Nick Tatopolis. He and I are good friends."

Didn't sound so different from when Orochimaru's sound 4 first came to get me. Beat like a rag doll, laying there under peals of laughter. The curse seal freezing up motor control. I would have been dead had I not noticed how well they curbed their curses. It was the fishing lure Orochimaru dangled in my face. Aside from the speeches of rewards, riches, and power.

"Now, now you can relax I don't work for your serpentine mentor. I hear you have had a slight power problem recently, ten years of your life devouted to a single goal and suddenly all control isn't yours anymore," Winters explained wistfully, "Just look at yourself, muscle, power, everything a soldier wants to be. Yet to be reduced to a common lab rat, a mere animal. No one seems to be treating you the same way they did anymore have they."

Sakura hitting me. Naruto worrying over me. The merciless teasing I've gotten from that dumb dotard Sai. Shikamaru's lack of defending anyone and Yamato's nonchalance. It was like he was reading my mind. I hated it with them.

"They don't do anything nice for you do they?" Winters spoke encouragingly.

**(Flashback)**

* * *

_Back at the lab, day before the MRI disaster. Sakura was unusually quiet when we got in the car to the Nick's lab on Stanton island. First night they pulled in there I jumped ship. I swam, I ran, they dragged me back all but kicking and screaming to the lab. Yamato's wooden cuffs splintering my wrists._

"_Wait," Nick stated, "Sasuke can you wait out here."_

"_Out here?" Elsie scoffed. "Oh sure more phnuemonia to go around after a great swim."_

_I swum down the smelliest part of the pier. Godzilla didn't mind. In fact he didn't seem to care. _

"_Sasuke, Clarity, what was it like down in Orochimaru's labs." Nick asked._

"_Creepy, candle lit, had mutated humanoid body parts floating, oh gross wait those were humans he had floating in those giant test tubes. I'd only been down there once and believe me Nickels you would have a really hard time finding a bathroom down there! Nice oxy-acetylene torch though." Clarity exclaimed._

"_Orochimaru was kicked out of our village for experimenting on infants," Sakura proclaimed, "It was awful. Thousands of those poor people we'd come across but they never survived the transformations."_

"_Orochimaru's one hobby is collecting jutsus. He'll do anything for power." Sai explained._

_To which Shikamaru finished, "All of us have fought his handywork. We barely came out alive."_

_A stab of guilt in that hole of mine called a heart. I had done the worse damage out of all of the Sound ninja. Yamato was unusally quiet._

"_Tatopolis-san if I can interject. Orochimaru is an S-class criminal. If we tell you anymore information you'll have to sign up for a deul citizenship pass and be sworn to sign a contract of secrecy." Yamato implored, "Which will be the same for all the individuals. Godzilla included."_

_Nick punched the wall and bit back a curse. _

"_Hey, hey," Naruto piped up, "I met one girl who had been through that but she turned out okay. Even Granny Tsunade fixed her. Sasuke I promised I'd bring you home, not to that snake."_

_A vote of confidence . . . figures . . ._

"_If you're willing to help Monique," Nick told me, and handed me the shirt off his back. I took the plaid overshirt gratefully, "You can stay out here."_

_Hmmm, stay out of the lab? Even if it's with the crazy French fry? Monique had me working on repairing the pier I broke. She didn't question me or my motives for which I was grateful. A missing nin trusts no one yet Team 7 still didn't disown me yet. Yamato was cautious, I can respect caution. Sai, half the words coming out of his mouth mean well even if he's annoying and the HEAT team were kind to me without asking for anything. A gift with no strings attached. It felt . . . what word could I find for nice?_

**(Flashback end)**

* * *

Winters had slurped his drink to the dregs. I paid for my coffee without his help and left. Winters turned around. He tugged my hand.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cameron Winters growled, almost a pompous version of Orochimaru right there. The face that haunted my nightmares.

"I'm going home," I stated, "I just needed time to think and although you're a dirtbag much like another dirtbag you and I both know about. The HEAT team gave me a better deal. Sorry but thanks."

"What for," Winters crooned, "We're all buddies here you know that."

"For our little talk," said I taking pleasure in watching him seeth, "If you were Nick's closest friend I would've heard about you before now and since you know more about me than I do of you. It's safe to say you're stalking Nick and the only thing a death merchant would want with a humanitarian is Godzilla or me."

Winters had too much intel on me to be a coincidence. His line of everything a soldier wants to be pointed more towards super soldier serum; that was the attached string of his deal that he let slip. He didn't know about Shogi and Jira, for the moment which was good. I fell for the same trick twice. I was not going to fall for the ploy a third-time.

* * *

**OMAKE(Sasuke's POV)**

_Monique opened her mouth to protest. The twins cuddled up behind their "parents". Jira's narrow black snout cocked to shine a golden eye Clarity's way. Shogi let a questioning chuff rumble from his throat. _

"_Kaa-san is Sasuke Oji-san going to be okay?" Jira whined._

_Nick's jaw dropped. His face pulling off the accusing puffer fish look. _

"_Did she just call you?" Randy started._

"_Mother?!" Elsie finished._

"_Um don't ask," Clarity exclaimed, "It's a long, story."_

_Clarity frowned, Mendal made a noise somewhere between a zebra and seizing for air._

"_Oh come on, so we imprinted a little," Clarity chuckled nervously. "I'd like to see you outsmart a baby lizard."_

"_Okay, ahem Shogi. Jira. Godzilla." Nick called, the lizards came, "Follow me."_

_The lizards trotted after Nick like three begging dogs. Godzilla's massive skull swathing a path through the small group of people. He placed a fish on each waiting nose and on the count of three._

_WHOMPF_

_Two lizards tossed the fish and caught it. Godzilla sat back on his haunches to lick the top of his nose. The barrel of fish didn't stand a chance from his whiplash tail. High in the air it flied and down he bit._

"_Godzilla was supposed to do the same trick the twins did," Nick shrugged, "Not to brag but my team and I are experts in Mutationology."_

_Clarity rolled her eyes. The ninjas were staring at Godzilla's scaly form disappearing beneath the water. As for Naruto, he stood there cheering like an idiot. _

"_Thank you Tup-popper-bop-her business . . ." Jira pointed out, pointing at Nick, "I mean Grandpa Ta-topper-popper-oolllll I mean old man!"_

"_Doctor Tatopolis," Nick stated his name, "Call me Dr. Nico Tatopolis."_

"_But you look so old! And your name is sooooo BIG!" Jira wailed. Though technically she was only a few months old. How could she guess how old anyone is? "Ah screw it! I'll call you Nicky-jiji instead." _

_Shogi buried his head into Naruto's jacket letting loose an embarrassed whine. I kept my chuckles to myself despite Jira's idiocy. The joys of little pitchers having big ears._

_Nick gave Team 7 a lecture about animal humanization. Clarity argued back he has a three hundred foot tall stepson 's not one to lecture on Humanization._

"_Wouldn't it be hilarious if those three actually were related French Fry," Elsie joked._

"_No," Monique deadpanned, short and clipped._

_. . . Big hairy deal . . ._

* * *

**Entertaining Footnotes**

**(1)Naruto Road to Ninja:** I took to drawing up many different versions of Kaiju Sasuke, seeing what his New York look would look like. One question realistically, how cheap would the clothes be to replace since he's pretty much half flame entity? I got to watching the movie featuring the crazy alter egos and thought "Hey, I could see that working for a New York look. Sasuke just wouldn't wear all that jewelry for practicality's sake" At least in my mind. It lends to a kind of twistedness that Playboy Sasuke's look gets to be worn by a complete and total grump. This chapter is the first chapter I've seen him play closer to canon and broodiness aside that rocks!


End file.
